'He wants his son, Valens, the child he held in his arms. I know he does. He is a proud man and won't beg, but I was there. I saw his face. He hungered to see you.'

Valens slammed his fist into the wall.

'He wants someone to carry on the family name. Day after day when I was growing up, I had to look at the busts of my ancestors and listen to how great they once were. How I had to match up to their ideals…"

She drew a deep breath and walked over to Valens, laid a hand on his arm.

'He has changed, Valens,' she whispered. 'He loved his son. He used to talk about you all the time, to praise what you had done to Lucius and to me. Someone lied to him…'

A look of anguish passed over Valens's face, but then he straightened and stared out into the middle distance. His face became as impassive as a death mask.

'If he cared about me, why did he leave me to die in a pirate's hold?' he asked in a voice filled with rage. 'I can still hear Aquilia's laughter as he read out the words—my son is dead, no amount of money can bring him back. Then he ordered the remaining six men of my patrol and me beaten. None survived that beating except me. Six men died because my father chose honour above his son. They were good men, Julia.'

His face contorted in pain at the memory. She did not deny he had suffered. But his father had suffered as well. Julia hugged her arms about her waist and tried to remember the stories.

'He was lied to. That's obvious. Mistakes were made. There were tears in his eyes when he showed me the brooch you always wore. He said Mettalius had brought it back along with a bloodied cloak. He had no reason to distrust Mettalius. Someone told him that your note was a forgery. Someone had tampered with it. Who benefitted? Who stood to gain everything?'

Valens gave his head a shake. 'Julia, you would have me believing in nymphs and fables next. You have no proof. My father taught me to demand the utmost proof.'

Julia laid a hand on his arm, but he pushed it away. 'Talk to him.'

'Why? Why should I debase myself in front of him? You heard him—no son of his would ever become a gladiator. He knew who I was. What sort of father does not recognise his own flesh and blood? If he had wanted me for a son, he would have made a sign. And Hercules help me, I would have gone to him and laid my head on his toga, begging his forgiveness.'

Julia felt her stomach begin to shake with pain. She hated this. She hated confrontation, fighting. With each passing breath, her knees became weaker and the temptation to flee grew. She was scared he would turn his anger on her, but she had to say it. She had to try to save his life and to fight for their future.

'Your father could restore you to your hfe, Valens. He is a wealthy man. He could purchase your contract and you would not have to fight in the arena. He was angry and hurt. Your appearance was unexpected. He wasn't prepared for it. But his anger will disappear. I know he loves his son. Talk to him, explain what happened—for my sake, if nothing else.'

Valens felt the anger flare uncontrollably through him. How dare she! He had never asked to be freed from being a slave, not in that way. To go to his father in the way she suggested would be unthinkable. He would have no pride or honour left. He stared at Julia. Her face was turned up to him, her eyes glowing with unshed tears. It would be easy. Valens swallowed hard and drew on all of his self-control. His voice emerged as a ragged whisper. 'Let me regain my honour in my own way.'

'Valens,' she said, coming over to him, touching his hand with a gentle finger, 'I care about you.'

Valens shrugged the hand off and tried to ignore her siren's call. It would be so easy to give into her demands, to do what she asked. Already he could see the image forming before his eyes. But he also knew that to do what she asked was to condemn their life to one without honour, one where he would eventually despise her.

'If you cared at all for me, you would not ask this. The way you suggest is the coward's way, the way without honour. It will not solve anything. Your father will not accept me because I am free. I would still be an infamis. I am sorry, Julia, but my life doesn't work that way.'

She turned from him and Valens grabbed her arm. The red mist curled at the edges of his vision. How dare she interfere with his life! He was trying to make her see why he couldn't go back and all she could do was demand he speak with his father.

'You're hurting me,' she gasped, pulling away from him, her eyes wide with fear. 'Let me go, you brute.'

His hands dropped to his sides and his face reddened. For what felt like eternity, they stared at each other, chests heaving with each breath.

'Please…' she whispered. 'Please don't hurt me. You said you would protect me, but who will protect me from you?'

'I would never hurt you.' He could see the angry red marks on her forearm, and heard Bato's soft growl. He felt ashamed of his actions. He had grabbed her in anger. His anger was with his father, not with her, and he had been about to take all that hurt and anger out on her. How had it come to this?

'Julia, I am sorry…'

'Would you go, leave?' Julia straightened her back, hating him and her heart. She wanted to agree to his demands but not if he was going to force her. 'When I left Lucius, I vowed I would not bow to any man's force.'

'Julia, I didn't mean to…'

Venus help her, she wanted to lean her head against Valens's chest. She wanted to feel his arms about her. But he frightened her as well. When she had argued something from her heart, he had tried to bend her to his will. He obviously cared nothing for them, for her. She wanted to sink down into a ball, but she refused to give him the satisfaction of seeing her cowed. She forced her head higher, her back straighten 'Please just go. We had something, but it is over. It is better this way. I am a Roman matron and you are a gladiator.'

'I had come to tell you that I was going. My form in the arena has suffered. I find it impossible to concentrate on my work here. Tigris has taken a house in the Aventine. There it will be easy to remember who I truly am—Valens the Thracian—and to concentrate on the only thing that means something in my life, the arena.'

Julia closed her eyes. She would be strong. She refused to beg.

'That is what I want. What we had is over,' she said in a quiet voice.

He gave a bow and was gone.


Chapter Fourteen


Over the next two days, Julia tried unsuccessfully to forget she had ever met Valens. She spent time offering prayers of thanks to Venus and the other household gods while her father and Sabina seemed more intent in creating a list of possible suitors than noticing her distress. Once again, she had become invisible.

Claudia, however, was another matter entirely when she arrived unannounced on the morning of the third day. She bustled into Julia's room as she sat, her hairbrush in hand, gazing through her narrow window. Claudia refused to accept any of Julia's explanations for her shadowed eyes and pale face, dismissing each with a small wave of her hand.

'You may want me to believe that, Julia, but I have seen the end of an affair too often. I'd have to be blind and deaf not to know the signs.'

'Is it that obvious?' Julia asked and wondered if she should put another layer of powder on her face to hide the dark circles.

'Only to someone who has been there before—many times.' Claudia placed her head close to Julia's as she gave her a hug. 'You slept with Valens.'

Julia dropped the brush.

'I thought—' she began, her heart pounding. If Claudia knew, how many other people had guessed? 'I thought we had been careful.'

Claudia picked the brush up and started to stroke Julia's hair, piling it high on her head and pinning it with several hairpins.

'The affair is over. Why are you worried?' she asked after she had finished. 'That style suits you, Julia.'

'It could cause a scandal.'

'Public displays cause scandals, not private passion,' Claudia said, tapping the brush against her lips. 'In private, everything is permissible. You will cause a scandal if you withdraw to your room for days. You must go out and face the would-be gossips down. Show them you are not concerned by this. If anyone whispers, it will be just whispers. Look at how Servilia behaves. Or the Clodiae. Rome whispers, but no one can prove a thing.'

'I am not sure I want to become notorious.' Julia gave a small hiccupping laugh. 'I have seen what Sabina and her harpies can do to people.'

'You will become more notorious if you stay in this room much longer. People will begin to question.'

'What do you suggest?'

'I suggest you go to the baths with me. A new one has opened on the edge of the Aventine. It has a series of good exercise rooms and treatments. Plus it allows for mixed bathing. And some of the men there, well…they will drive all thoughts of Valens from your head.' Claudia kissed her fingers.

Julia drew a shaky breath. She refused to think about other men. The only man she wanted was Valens. She wanted to go back to the closeness they seemed to be developing. 'It is too soon.'

'Nonsense. It will do you good. The best way to cure a broken heart is to find another object of affection. The bathing suites will open at five hours, but we can exercise, and perhaps play a game of trignon if we can find someone else, or perhaps hoops until then.'


The Aventine baths were a complex of marble-fronted buildings, gardens and exercise areas and a small library. The covered portico outside the baths teemed with small shops, market traders and their customers. Everything from monkeys to silk seemed to be on sale here and each trader seemed to be vying with the other as they shouted out their wares.