So different from the man she had kissed this morning and yet the same. If she'd seen him like this the first time, she wondered if she'd have found courage even to speak to him. The way he strode towards her, Bato trotting by his side, he seemed to be in command of the courtyard.
Behind him, she saw a group of labourers as well as one or two matrons she vaguely knew from the baths watching him, watching her. Bato the traitor was heeling at Valens's footsteps, gazing at him with huge adoring eyes.
'Thank you,' she said, but her voice came out no louder than a whisper. Julia swallowed hard, pressed her hands together until the knuckles shone white and tried again. 'Thank you, I was worried about him. He means so much to me.'
'I thought you might be concerned, but the scamp seemed to know where you were.'
He made a motion and Bato streaked to her side. Bato flopped down at her feet, his wet nose pushing at her sandal. Julia knelt down and buried her face into Bato's fur. She felt an enormous wave of relief wash over her. Something else stirred as she glanced up into Valens's face. Her eyes fastened on to his lips, and the memory of this morning's kiss jolted through her body.
Immediately she reburied her face. Better for Valens to think her utterly besotted with her dog than to see the bright redness of her cheeks.
'Bato, you naughty, naughty, naughty dog,' she said, holding Bato's face between her hands and looking the dog directly in his eyes. 'When you are told to stay, stay.'
'I suspect he became frightened in the crowd.' Valens's voice flowed over her like honey when it was first taken from the hive. 'I wonder that you brought him here.'
'Normally he is fine in crowds.' Julia glanced up, her eyes lingering over the perfect contours of his body, tracing the outline of his broad shoulders.
Had he held her in his arms this morning?
It seemed like a dream now. She ran her tongue over her parched lips and tried to keep her composure. Her knees were like water, but Julia forced herself to stand and look him directly in the eyes.
'I tend to take him everywhere with me that I can. Otherwise, he howls as if the harpies are chasing him, much to Sabina's displeasure.'
'Surely not this rogue?' Valens reached down and fondled Bato's ears. Bato leant towards him. 'He'd never do a thing like that.'
'If you only knew…' Julia said with a laugh.
She watched his eyes crinkle and wished she had worn her dark green gap-sleeved gown that fastened with bronze brooches at the shoulders—the one that Claudia said brought out the green flecks in her eyes. And she could have worn it without the undertunic in this heat, revealing just a hint of her shoulder, under her shawl. Something so that she shone like the courtesan standing just beyond Valens, something so that he'd look at her with more than friendship.
The thought shook her to the core. She needed something to warn her to keep her distance before she threw herself at his feet.
It was all too easy to see now with these women milling about ogling him why he had made the mistake of yesterday. How many of them had figurines of Valens locked away in their private cupboard next to their jars of ointment, pots of white lead and caskets of wine dregs?
Julia bowed her head.
'Did you see much of the ceremony?' he asked, making no move to leave. If anything, he stood closer. 'I thought it went down rather well.'
He reached down a hand, caught her wrist, pulled her upright, then let go. Julia felt the sparks radiate upwards.
'I…I came with my friend Claudia. She is Caesar's niece.'
Julia motioned to Claudia, who gave a small gasp and sank into a curtsy. 'And a great supporter of the gladiator contests, a real aficionado. She collects figurines.'
Valens raised an eyebrow and gave a slight bow. Julia wondered if her own face was as beet-red as Claudia's.
'Claudia is not of the same persuasion as you? Perhaps between us, we can convert you to the games.'
'I saw you at Pompeü three months ago,' Claudia gasped, grabbing on to Julia's arm with a vice-like grip. 'You fought magnificently. I mean, I normally support the Great Shields, but you fought so brilliantly. I loved the way you did that last slash of your sword and knocked the renarius's trident away so he had to ask for mercy. I thought you deserved a rudius for your performance…'
'Thank you.'
Valens made a small salute with the hand holding his helmet. Almost identical to the salute he'd given at the end of the ceremony. Was it her imagination or did Valens look vaguely uncomfortable? Julia silently wished Claudia would not gush.
'Did you enjoy the presentation ceremony, Julia Antonia?' he asked when Claudia had paused for a breath.
Julia patted a stray lock of hair into place as she tried to think. She wanted to say something intelligent, but not fawning. She'd refrain from gushing.
'It was fairly impressive. Everyone should look splendid—fighting in their new armour.' Julia rolled her eyes as she listened to her voice, dripping with honey. She sounded worse than Claudia.
'Certainly for the opening parade when we ride the chariots out,' he said, his voice flowing over her again, sending tingles down her spine, 'but I'm superstitious, as are most of my colleagues, and prefer to fight using tried and trusted equipment.'
Julia gripped Bato's collar tighter. She stared at him, locking eyes, wondering what else she could say, what words she could use to prolong the encounter. In a breath, he'd be gone. Venus knew when she'd have a chance to speak with him again.
'Julia,' Claudia said, cutting across her thoughts, 'I've just remembered—there's something I have to do. Someone I have to see.'
Julia felt a weight roll off her shoulders. The gods had decided for her. Some god had taken pity on her, decided she had embarrassed herself enough for one day. Julia scooped Bato up in her arms.
'If you want to leave…'
'No, no, you stay and talk to your gladiator.' Claudia patted Julia's shoulder and disappeared in a cloud of expensive perfume and jangling bracelets before Julia could protest.
Bato wriggled out of her arms and went to sit by Valens. Julia stared at her sandals, rather than meeting Valens's eye. He was sure to have the same knowing smile of yesterday plastered all over his face. She was certain she appeared to be one of those Roman matrons who ran after gladiators and paid them for their services.
If only the ground were to open up and swallow her, Julia thought. Even her dog and best friend were conspiring against her.
'I am glad I have a chance to talk to you,' she said at last, breaking the silence that had descended after Claudia's departure.
'Yes?' he said with a lifted eyebrow—the tone of his voice implied he was tolerating her and looking for a way to end their encounter.
Julia squared her shoulders and tilted her chin upwards. She had to say it before she made a spectacle of herself, before the attraction she felt growing inside of her took firm root.
'About this morning…' she began. After two tries where no words came, she transferred her gaze from his face to the ground, keeping her eyes trained firmly on his sandals. 'I wanted to say…that is…I am not the sort of woman who behaves in that way. I am a Roman matron who keeps to her ideals.'
There, she had said it. She thought she'd feel much better, but she felt worse.
He lifted her chin with gentle probing fingers. Butterflies fluttered in her stomach. His brown eyes seemed filled with some emotion. After searching her face with intent eyes, he let go of her chin and his face became inscrutable.
'Forget it. I already have,' he said.
Valens moved back a little from Julia, trying to regain some measure of calm and distance. Her very scent of flowers and honey threatened to overpower him and the resolutions he had made this afternoon. He hated himself for lying to her and seeing the flash of hurt in her eyes.
All throughout morning practice, he had found it impossible to get her out of his mind. It was far better to stop things here before they started. The last thing he needed was an added distraction. And Julia Antonia was definitely that.
Despite his resolutions, his heart had beat faster when Bato appeared from nowhere to clamber on the stage. It made the ceremony more special to know that Julia was somewhere in the crowd, that she was watching him receive this armour.
He had pushed the thought away. Why should he care? He thought about shooing Bato away, but then the dog started to play tug of war with Aquilia's net and he refused to abandon the scamp to Aquilia's wrath. He had planned on returning him quickly, but the sight of Julia enveloped in her deep red layers made him want to linger. He knew the underlying curves, curves that had moulded to his body this morning.
The brief look of bewilderment in Julia's eyes made things harder. Valens shifted uncomfortably and wanted to take back the words. He had stated it badly. He wanted to reassure her, but the words made him sound callous.
'Have you had anyone look at your ankle?' he asked.
'It is much better,' she said with a voice chipped out of marble.
Valens ran his hand through Ins hair, confused between his determination to keep his focus on his work and his desire for Julia. He should be rejoicing that she was annoyed with him.
'That's not what I asked. Have you sought proper treatment, like we discussed yesterday?'
'It appears to be healing on its own,' she said, pulling her shawl tighter around her shoulders, 'I see no need. Now, if you'll excuse me…'
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