‘Say hello to Lotte,’ Erich said, gesturing to me, once they had dried their eyes. Eva and Walter dutifully and politely hugged me.

‘It’s so good to meet you both,’ I said. ‘There are two little girls who can’t wait to meet you.’

I brought the girls over, who had surprisingly been doing what they were told and waiting in my bedroom, reading a book together.

‘These are your sisters,’ Erich said, pulling the girls to him. I could see Inga watching, her expression cautious, her shoulders hunched, but I could feel no sympathy for her.

We had explained to the girls about Eva and Walter being their sister and brother. They were confused at first and there were lots of questions but we needn’t have worried. The girls took to their siblings with exuberance and joy, happy for new playmates to join in their games. Eva’s and Walter’s uncertainty and reluctance quickly slipped away with the welcome our little girls gave them.

Eva and Walter were very polite, but not sure how to take me. I don’t know what Inga had told them but I was determined to show them that I was no ogre, that I loved their father and would love them too. I could only imagine how Inga felt about staying with us but I hoped that she harboured no thoughts of winning back Erich’s affections. She was civil but cool to Erich and myself, spoke to me only when she had to, was kindly but distant to the girls. She insisted that her children help around the house and often called them away when they were playing with my children or talking to me. I felt sure that she kept a tight rein on how she was feeling. The only time I heard her in conversation was upstairs or outside with Karoline.

I didn’t feel quite as able to keep my feelings in check. Not only was this woman, Erich’s legal wife, sleeping under my roof, but Erich was providing for her too. I cooked, cleaned and washed, although Karoline insisted on doing Inga’s and her children’s things. Eva was a good help and Walter spent most of his spare time, when he wasn’t at school, with the girls. I grew to love the children, as I knew I would. I had heard so much about them over the years. It was wonderful to watch all four of them together, a source of joy for all of us, except perhaps Inga.

‘It’s time to come to my tea party,’ Greta called one day. It was warm and sunny, unusual for this time in autumn and the children were making the most of it before the cold really hit. I watched from the washing line, as Greta placed the last little leaf platter of berries and flower petals on a small patch of grass. She had set the ‘table’ beautifully with leaf plates, sticks as utensils, platters of ‘food’ and tiny flowers from the meadow. Four little acorn caps she had found sat by the plates as tiny cups of tea.

‘Come on,’ called Greta impatiently. Johanna appeared around the corner of the house holding Walter’s hand.

‘We’re coming,’ she said.

‘Where’s Eva?’ said Greta crossly.

‘Eva!’ yelled Walter. ‘Greta’s tea party is ready.’ Walter and Johanna arrived at the table. ‘Where should we sit, madam?’ Walter looked expectantly at Greta. Johanna giggled while Greta gestured to the place she wanted Walter to sit.

‘If sir would like to sit here,’ she said in a posh voice. ‘And mademoiselle, here.’ She pointed to where Johanna had to sit.

Eva closed the back door and walked towards the tea party. ‘Such a beautiful spread,’ she said. ‘What an elegant table setting.’ Her eyes widened in mock rapture and Johanna giggled even harder.

Greta nodded gravely but her eyes were dancing with joy. ‘Would you like to sit here, madam?’ she said to Eva. Greta served them food and Eva and Walter admired the dishes with ‘oohs’ and ‘ahhs’ from Johanna, while they all pretended to nibble and sip from their acorn cups.

Karoline and Inga joined me at the line with more washing, both standing, transfixed, next to me, watching the children.

‘Aren’t they beautiful?’ whispered Karoline, a smile spreading across her face.

I nodded. ‘They get on so well.’

‘Eva and Walter are wonderful with the girls.’

‘Yes, they are. The girls adore them,’ I said. ‘I wish Erich was here to see them like this together. I should go and get the camera – at least he can see the photographs. I want to get some portraits of him and the children all together sometime.’

Inga said nothing but made a huff of disgust before turning back to the house. I watched the back of her head as she disappeared into the house and I felt a sudden pang of sympathy for her. I had been jealous of the little tete-a-tetes between Inga and Karoline, ignoring me in my home as if I wasn’t there. If I came into the room mid-conversation, Inga would stop what she was saying and just stare at me as if I was intruding. It made me wild. A couple of weeks earlier I had heard her talking to Karoline in the lounge room.

‘I can’t begin to tell you how hard it was on my own with the children,’ Inga had said. ‘I didn’t know how we were going to get away before the Russians got to us. They were already in Oppeln. We thought we were still safe, but of course we weren’t. They were in Brieg and then Grottkau by the time we left. I was worried about you and Vati and prayed you had left, that Erich had got you out.’

‘I couldn’t leave without my husband,’ Karoline had replied, so softly I could barely hear her. ‘He was still in Breslau with the Volkssturm. I looked after the furniture store as long as I could. Then it was too late. All I could do was lock myself indoors with all the others that chose to stay behind. It was my home.’

‘I’m so sorry, Karoline.’ Inga had paused as if wanting so say more but only sighed, continuing her story. ‘Berlin wasn’t an option for us. All the plans Erich had made were useless. Gottlieb was good to us. He helped us while Erich was away and had been begging me to leave but Eva had been too ill to travel. He wouldn’t leave us to fend for ourselves and decided that the only way was to drive us to his mother’s in Elend. We had to wait until his unit was evacuated from the airpark. He should have left with his unit but he slipped away with us. We prayed that he wasn’t discovered. God knows what would have happened to us then.’

‘You poor girl.’

‘I will never forget the sights on the road. People fled with whatever they could, on foot, horse and cart, bicycle, some with the retreating Wehrmacht vehicles. Everywhere there was desperation, fear and lawlessness. I made the children lie down in the back seat and shut their eyes, covered in their coats. It was so cold. When we finally made it to Elend and we couldn’t contact Erich, I feared the worst but I couldn’t tell the children I thought their father was dead.’

‘He looked everywhere for you and the children,’ Karoline had said softly. ‘He would never have abandoned you. Now you are reunited, safe and well with your children.’

‘What happened to you?’ Inga had asked tentatively.

‘We were taken by the Red Army. Women were raped in front of their children, girls too. Others were killed for sport, eyes gouged out, bodies left to freeze in the snow. There was so much anger and hatred for Germans. I wonder how any of us survived. Those of us strong enough were herded onto cattle trains with little food or water. We ended up in a Russian gulag and I worked as a labourer in a stone quarry. I never thought I would see any of you again, see Germany again.’

‘Then the Red Cross found you, after Erich’s letters to them. He found you,’ Inga had said, her voice thick with emotion.

I cracked the door open. Their heads were bowed together, joined in their shared horror and pain, and their salvation.

Erich had saved us all, I thought. In one way or another. As much as it hurt me to see them bonded like this, I understood. I couldn’t be cruel to Inga or think badly of Karoline’s relationship with her. They had been through so much. I had had Erich by my side the entire time, there to protect me, keep me safe, to love me and care for our children. How could I begrudge Inga this small thing? I vowed to be kinder and more tolerant.

*

I took on some casual secretarial work at the American Army Garrison, partly to get away from Inga but also because of the extra load on our financial resources. Although I had vowed to be tolerant, Inga still grated on me and I felt the best thing was for the both of us to keep a wide berth. The work was simple enough, basic secretarial tasks but it was a good opportunity to brush up on my English. I enjoyed my days away from the house, interacting with other adults, discussing things other than children and housework. However, part of me became restless. Being employed reminded me of my photography – that was my calling. It was what I should have been doing.

We were still struggling to make ends meet. I worked like a dog from the time I got up until the time I went to bed, while Inga lounged about, chatting to Karoline. In the evening, she pandered to Erich, smiling sweetly, always looking her best for him. She was still a very attractive woman and she knew how to get a man’s attention, that’s for sure – even Erich’s. He lapped up the praise and attention like a thirsty man in the desert. Anxiety grew within me, like a cold black mass in my belly. I felt the distance between Erich and I widening and I was helpless to do anything about it; I was asleep most nights as soon as my head hit the pillow. What if he really wanted her again? What if they had both changed enough to make it work?

I missed my parents so much. I wished I could go home, cry in their arms and tell them everything that had been happening but I couldn’t. I remembered Onkel Werner’s words: ‘You’ve made your bed, now you have to lie in it’. This was my problem and I had to work it out.