Dread snaked its cold fingers over me and my skin rippled with goose bumps.

‘I thought you and the children were dead,’ said Erich, his voice catching. He was as fragile as glass and about to shatter.

‘How long have you been married?’ Inga’s eyes glittered accusingly as she leant forward in her chair, watching us both.

I reached for Erich’s hand, cold and stiff on the table. Together we were stronger.

‘How long did you wait to start again?’ She glanced at Greta, who was still crying, standing at the corner of her playpen looking out, her little face crumpled in distress. ‘Not long from the looks of it. Have you once thought about your other children and what they’re missing out on?’

The back of my neck prickled in warning. I had to trust my instincts. Deadly calm was deadly dangerous, like a snake ready to strike.

‘I didn’t know. I tried everything.’

Inga stood. Her face was impassive, deathly calm. ‘You would have been better off dead. I’ve seen what I needed to see.’

Ice formed in my veins. I felt the crystals build up within me, numbing my body.

‘When can I see the children?’ Erich reached across the table in desperation and grasped her arm. ‘We have to get you here to the American zone.’

Inga jerked away. ‘Don’t you touch me. So you think you can have it all, do you?’ Her dark eyes flashed with anger. ‘We’ll see about that. But don’t worry. You haven’t heard the last of me.’ She glanced at Greta one last time, whirled around and stormed through the room. Inga was seeking revenge, retribution for Erich leaving her and the children. The ice formed a solid lump in my chest.

‘Please, Inga!’ Erich dashed after her but before we knew it, she was out the front door, slamming it behind her.

Greta was screaming now and I hurried across to pick her up, holding her close, my emotions in total turmoil, in total shock. I didn’t know what to think, I didn’t know how to feel.

Erich’s first wife and children had risen from the dead.

19

The meadow behind the cottage was the only place I felt I could breathe. I screamed across the fields in frustration until my throat was hoarse, pulling my hair. I had to let it out before I went back or I’d go crazy. I stared at the cottage. It looked peaceful, the scene of domestic bliss. I had left Erich inside the front door, his eyes hollow and blank with shock, after thrusting Greta unceremoniously into his arms. She was the only one who could bring him from his daze.

But now it was time to face reality and work out what we had to do. It didn’t bear thinking about, in fact I couldn’t for more than a second before fear flooded my chest and I found it difficult to breathe again. But this wasn’t something we could sit on until a solution came to us. I had seen the way Inga looked at us before she left. There was more coming, and we had to be ready. I wiped the wetness from my cheeks, surprised to find I had been crying. I had to go back.

When I returned, peace had been restored. Greta was back in her playpen, absorbed in the chocolate Erich had given her, a piece of a Hershey bar one of the Americans had given him that he had put away for a rainy day. This was such a day I supposed. Somehow, Johanna was still sleeping.

Erich sat at the table, staring into space, his shoulders hunched in despair. I kissed his head and wrapped my arms around him.

‘I’m sorry,’ I whispered. ‘I couldn’t breathe. If I didn’t go I was going to scream in front of the children.’

He patted my hand. ‘I know. It was a shock but you’re here now.’

I dropped into the chair next to him. ‘What are we going to do?’

He shut his eyes and shook his head slowly. ‘I don’t understand how this happened. I did everything to find them.’

I kissed him lightly and held his hand. ‘You did everything you could but remember how chaotic it was. Anything is possible.’ I felt calm and logical now. One of us had to be.

‘The envelope in Berlin? The telegram from Elend? None of it makes sense.’

‘I think you’re probably right when you thought that Inga’s cousin had the envelope, maybe in a coat pocket. She must have died in that bombing. I agree that the telegram makes no sense. We know that the date was wrong. Who knows what happened to that telegram, whether it was sent to Berlin first by mistake?’ I paused a moment, thinking through the conversation. ‘Who’s Gottlieb?’

‘He’s an old acquaintance of mine, a friend I used to work with in Sagan. He was the one I asked to help Inga and the children get away.’

I nodded and squeezed his hand. ‘How wonderful to know that your children are alive.’

The smile on his face lit up the room. Then he crumpled to the floor, taking me with him as I tried to catch him. The wind was knocked out of me as I hit the floor, landing on top of him. As I pulled myself free from the tangle of arms and legs, Erich began to sob uncontrollably. I could do nothing for him but hold him. The pain he had carried deep within every day since learning about his family’s demise erupted. I couldn’t imagine what he was going through. We were both shocked, neither of us able to comprehend the enormity of what we had discovered, but I knew that only together would we get through this. I cried with him, tears of sadness, joy and despair. It was a bittersweet moment.

The demands of two tiny children soon overshadowed anything else. Numb as we both felt, soon I was changing Johanna’s clothes, soiled by a leaking nappy, while Erich prepared the girls’ bath. Greta was screaming in the playpen, trying to climb out.

A knock at the door took us by surprise.

‘I’ll get it,’ said Erich, sighing. ‘It’s probably Inga again.’

‘Herr Drescher? Erich Drescher?’ asked a voice I didn’t recognise. I had a bad feeling and scooped Johanna up, wrapping her in a towel and rushing from the bedroom.

‘Yes,’ said Erich obviously puzzled.

‘You’re under arrest. You have to come with us.’

Two police officers stood outside. It was déjà vu. I stopped in the middle of the room, Johanna squirming in my arms as I held her tightly, watching the scene unfold at the door.

‘Whatever for?’ he asked, an impatient edge to his voice.

‘You’ve been accused of bigamy.’ My heart sank and I wanted to be sick. Johanna began to wail in counterpoint to her sister’s screaming. This couldn’t be happening. Inga was getting her revenge.

‘No! He’s done nothing wrong,’ I heard myself shout. ‘It’s all a mistake.’

The officer nodded sympathetically, seeing the baby in my arms. ‘That might be so but Herr Drescher has to come with us until it gets sorted out.’

‘But you can’t take him,’ I yelled hysterically, breaking into a sweat, the panic inside me rising.

‘Lotte! There’s no choice. We have to see this through now. Be strong. It will all be over before you know it.’

I threw myself into his arms, weeping, shaking with fear. ‘It’s not fair. You haven’t done anything wrong.’

‘I know, my liebchen.’ He held me tight and I clung to him as if that would keep him from leaving.

‘What will happen to you?’

‘I’ll be okay. It will be fine,’ he whispered soothingly. He kissed me, a lingering, tender kiss, and then kissed Johanna, her face red with fury. ‘I won’t be long.’

One of the police officers pulled me off Erich while the other grasped his arm. I watched helplessly, sobbing, the soft weight of Johanna in my arms keeping me sane, while they marched him to the street and into the police car.

Erich spent the next few days in prison in Windsheim until he was formally charged. Released on bail, as a low flight risk with a young family and working for the Americans in Illesheim, he was allowed to return home until the court date, which had not yet been set.

Of course, we had no money to spare and it was with great trepidation that I telephoned my parents from the police station, to ask for their help. I had not wanted to tell them about our plight but I had to be a pragmatist and do anything to help my family get through this. I needed Erich home, to keep working so we could survive. Mutti would laugh at the irony of it all and at the first opportunity that she had, I knew she would harass me about my marriage yet again. The thought of it made me tired.

Thank God in Heaven, my father arrived to help.

‘Thank you for coming, Vati,’ I murmured, kissing his cheek and trembling with relief.

‘It’s all right now. We’ll fix this. Don’t worry.’ Hugging him close was enough to make me feel that everything would be okay but his words also assured me that we could do this, we could fight this charge.

Erich and I were both so grateful.

We discussed the situation at length. Vati had trained in the law and believed that Erich’s case had merit and was worth fighting. Of course, I could have told him that without a law degree. The penalty for a criminal conviction of bigamy was anything from eighteen months to five years in prison. We knew the court hearing would be in Nürnberg at the County Court and Vati suggested a solicitor who might take on Erich’s case. I was never more thankful to have my father’s support than at that moment.

I wasn’t too surprised to hear from Heinrich shortly after. Despite my written assurances to him that there was no chance of us ever being together, Mutti had let me know that Heinrich would not let go of the faint hope he still held. His letter expressed regret at my difficult situation and reminded me that he was waiting for me and that it wasn’t too late to come to him, especially in light of this newest development. I was furious that Mutti had said anything to him. It wasn’t her place to get involved. Heinrich had to understand that his was a fruitless hope.