Erich met us by the front door, handing me Greta as he greeted Vati. I held my breath and looked on nervously.

‘Congratulations, Erich,’ said Vati, clapping him heartily on the back. ‘You have two beautiful women now. You’re a lucky man.’

‘I know. Thank you,’ said Erich, smiling broadly. ‘It’s so good of you to come.’

Vati nodded but his attention was drawn to Greta and he looked wistfully at her. ‘Can I hold her?’

‘Of course,’ I said, placing her in his arms.

He held her carefully, like she was a delicate porcelain doll. ‘She’s just perfect,’ he said. ‘The most beautiful creature I’ve ever seen.’ He traced the line of her tiny snub nose, across her cheek and her jaw, his hand resting over the shock of dark hair that sat in spikes on her head, despite my attempts to smooth it down. His face glowed with joy and he planted a kiss on her forehead, like a benediction and sign of protection. I knew he was besotted and would do anything for her. My heart burst with gratitude for this man who had become part of my life.

Erich squeezed my hand. ‘At least she has one grandparent looking out for her. See, she has him wrapped around her little finger already,’ he whispered into my ear.

I smiled in agreement and pulled him close, glad to have him by my side and happy that he and my father were on good terms. It meant a lot to me.

‘Come,’ said Vati. He handed Greta back to me reluctantly. ‘We’d better get this unpacked before it gets too hot.’ He was right. The sun was beating down on us already. It was going to be a warm day and we had a lot to do.

When we were done, the empty room filled with furniture and boxes, Vati pulled me aside.

‘Leibling,’ he said tenderly, ‘I’m very proud of you. Your daughter is magnificent and you have a devoted husband and father in Erich. You’ve done well, my girl.’

I looked into his eyes. He seemed sincere. ‘You’re not upset with me?’

‘Whatever for?’

‘For marrying Erich instead of Heinrich.’

‘Never,’ he said, shaking his head for emphasis. ‘I’ve always said Erich’s a good man. I knew he’d look after you. Life doesn’t always go the way we plan but I think he’s good for you, and you both look happy.’ He frowned for a moment. ‘Are you happy?’

‘Yes,’ I said.

‘Well then, the rest will work itself out.’ He kissed me on the forehead, as he had done to Greta. ‘Keep well and my granddaughter too. I’ll be back before long with your mother. Otherwise Greta will grow too fast.’ He smiled broadly and jumped into the car, waving out the window until he drove out of sight.

*

There was no work anywhere. Erich hoped he might find a job with the Americans at the Illesheim airfield but there was nothing. However, his enquires gave him an idea.

‘I know how we can make money until a vacancy becomes available with the Americans,’ he told me, hardly able to sit still on the bed next to me while I fed Greta. ‘They’ve told me that with my skills and qualifications, there will be work, just not at the moment.’

‘That’s a start,’ I said. I was worried sick about how we would live, especially with me at home looking after a baby. ‘What’s your idea?’

‘I could use my electrical and mechanical skills to repair motor vehicles,’ he said triumphantly.

I stared at Erich, feeling my stomach turn. ‘But nobody has the money or fuel to run their cars, let alone fix them.’ I didn’t want to burst his bubble but it was the truth.

‘I know.’ Erich leant in, rubbing Greta’s foot as her little mouth worked away greedily. ‘But what about the Americans with their private vehicles, and those with families living outside the airfield? They all have money. They need their vehicles to get around and can’t use air force equipment for private use.’

He looked at me with such enthusiasm and excitement, I couldn’t say no. It was a good idea but I wasn’t sure he would get enough work to support us.

Erich set up his business in Ickleheim but the work was slow to come in. He took to walking Greta in her pram along the country lanes, often returning home with vegetables, apples, eggs or whatever else he could find, hidden under her blankets. At first I was mortified that he would do something like that. It was stealing. But slowly I realised that it was the only way.

‘What do you think I did today?’ I asked Erich one evening as we had supper.

‘I don’t know,’ he said, breaking a piece of bread into small chunks.

‘You’ll never guess,’ I said, grinning. I hadn’t touched my food yet, too excited to tell him my tale.

Erich looked up from his food.

‘I was coming home from a walk with Greta and I couldn’t believe when I saw one of our neighbour’s geese wandering about, away from the protection of the farmyard.’ I raised my eyebrows, daring Erich to guess.

Erich’s jaw dropped. ‘No! You didn’t.’

‘I did,’ I said proudly. ‘I’ve become quite the opportunist, you know.’

‘How did you do it?’

‘Well, I made sure nobody was looking and moved Greta’s pram as carefully as I could, to screen the goose from view. I didn’t want to scare it away. I darted forward and caught it. It was thrashing about madly but I managed to hide it under my coat. Holding it as tightly as I could, I calmly pushed the pram away and walked home as quickly as I dared. Thank God in Heaven, Greta didn’t start screaming.’ I grinned again, very pleased with myself.

Erich started laughing and I threw a corner of bread at him.

‘See what you’ve turned me into!’

‘Where is it now?’ asked Erich between snorts of laughter. ‘Not running around our house somewhere I hope.’

‘No, of course not. I killed it myself, plucked it, cleaned it and it’s hanging in our pantry, ready for me to cook. I’ll do it in the middle of the night so nobody smells it. We’ll have meat for the week and those feathers will be useful in our pillows.’

Erich looked stunned for a second. He reached across, grasped my face in his hands and kissed me. ‘I can taste that goose already. What a woman you are!’

It was how we survived in those early days, until word of mouth spread and work increased, along with repeat customers. Sometimes we were paid in goods that were otherwise difficult to find, even on the black market. Erich’s easy-going nature but attention to detail made him popular and the Americans warmed to him. Very soon, I was regretting my doubt in his venture, marvelling at his foresight. The connections alone were valuable, I was sure they would help him in acquiring a more secure and lucrative job with the Americans.

The weeks and months flew by, hardly registering with me between looking after Greta, the house and sourcing food, which was even scarcer with the extremely poor autumn harvest. After the war, there was nothing to plant, there were virtually no farmers and the fields were often scarred, destroyed by the last months of war. At night, Erich and I sat by the tiny radio that Vati had given us. The Nürnberg trials were finally over and as the judgements were announced, fierce discussion continued about the war crimes committed by top members of the Nazi Party. It was the first time we learnt unequivocally about the horrendous sins ordered and perpetrated by men we had believed in, men we had taken orders from, men who had ruled our country – men implicated all the way to the top, to the Führer himself. It was the first time we learnt the extent of the Holocaust and the mind-numbing details of the heinous acts ordered and performed by these men.

‘They’re monsters,’ I said, horrified. ‘They deserve everything they get.’ The images that the American soldier had conjured up with his stories of Dachau had never left me.

Erich nodded, a fierce expression in his eyes. ‘There’s finally some justice for what they’ve done.’ He hesitated.

‘What is it?’

‘You do know that Hitler’s to blame too, Lotte? Just because he’s dead, doesn’t mean he didn’t orchestrate all this.’ Erich knew my struggle in accepting what our Führer had really been but after listening to the broadcast, he was angry, furious.

‘I can’t imagine that he would have sanctioned such unspeakable acts,’ I whispered, remembering my youth and what great pride and hope we’d had in the Führer, in Germany.

Erich slammed his hand on the arm of his chair, making me jump. ‘Wake up, Lotte! You were brainwashed as children, at school and in the BDM. I understand that, but you’ve seen and heard enough to know differently now. You can’t pretend to know otherwise. For all those people who died because of him, you have to own up to the truth. You’re not a child any more.’

I stared at him in shock. He wasn’t trying to hurt me, I knew – he loved me. He was right. I couldn’t pretend any more. Too much had happened. ‘I know… I know you’re right but everything we believed in… it was all a lie.’ Tears welled in my eyes. ‘How can I come to terms with believing in a man who was responsible for such horrors, who betrayed Germany and its people? We loved him, cheered for him, while all of this was happening. So many, including my brothers, died for him.’ I viciously dashed away the tears rolling down my cheeks with the back of my hands. ‘How can I do that, Erich?’ I looked up at him desperately. There was sympathy and understanding in his eyes. ‘What was everything that we’ve sacrificed and lost for? How can we as Germans ever hold our heads up again?’

Erich reached across the little table. I placed my hand in his and he squeezed. His touch was warm and reassuring. ‘I know. I feel the same way. We were all deceived, all betrayed.’ He had served his country with such pride but these terrible acts had been done in the name of Germany. I knew this association left him feeling ashamed too. The more details that had been released about activities during the war, the more he wondered what he had really been fighting for.