I looked at Tante Susie. She nodded. ‘All right,’ I said, ‘but how long will you hold her and where will she be sent? I have to let her family and children know. She has small children who will be without their parents.’

‘We’ll inform you where she’ll be detained and the possibility of visitors. The children can write to her. As to how long?’ He shrugged. ‘Who knows? There’s a backlog of cases now that everybody has to fill out the Fragebogen. I can’t count the number of arrests we’ve done this week.’

I felt the blood rise to my face and I clenched my fists in my skirt. This was ridiculous and totally unnecessary. ‘Please be reasonable. She’s just a wife and mother. No threat to anyone.’

‘Her case will be assessed in due course and you will be notified of her whereabouts and the outcome if there is a further prison sentence,’ said the second man brusquely. ‘Come now, we have a busy schedule today and we can’t afford to run behind.’

Tante Susie embraced me, kissing me on the cheek. ‘Look after my boys like they’re your own. Tell them I will be home soon.’ Her voice caught and I hugged her tight. ‘Make sure they do their homework. Don’t forget to plant the summer vegetables.’

‘You’ll be back before then, I’m sure. You’ve done nothing wrong, after all. We’ll stay in touch and let you know what’s happening at home.’ I didn’t want to let her go.

Tante Susie was hauled away like a criminal. I could do nothing but stand there and watch her go. It was outrageous – she was a good woman who had no political inclinations, who cared for her husband and children in the best way she knew. She did not deserve to be treated this way. I hated that I was helpless to prevent it and turned the anger that burned in my belly into caring for the boys.

The boys played up for a time, arguing, fighting and wrestling more than they should have. I don’t know what I was expecting. They had been through so much during the war, growing up without their father, not knowing if he would survive, watching his arrest and then their mother being taken away. They knew their parents would be back with them soon but it was hard for them to articulate how they felt and after the initial conversations, they said very little about it. I often got comments like, ‘Mutti wouldn’t do it like that,’ ‘Mutti would let me do that,’ ‘Mutti’s is better,’ or ‘I wish Mutti was here.’ I tried not to take it to heart but sometimes it was trying. It was difficult to know how much to discipline them and how much to lavish them with love.

We kept to their daily routine, trying to keep things as normal as possible, but it was very hectic. I wondered how Tante Susie managed it. Ernst was a good help with his younger brothers. I was worried at first that he would resent taking orders from Erich and me but I was surprised by his maturity and his perceptiveness, often knowing what to do before Erich and I had worked it out. His brothers riled against him a little until we explained that we needed to work together for the sake of their parents. We wanted to send letters filled with good reports and all the exciting and wonderful things they were doing. Erich soon had them all eating out of his hand, engaging them in activities they loved, basic car mechanics and driving lessons for Ernst, woodwork and football for all of them. I wondered how it would be to watch him with our child as it grew from a baby to adulthood.

My favourite time was reading stories to Hansi and Wolfgang at night. They cuddled up next to me in bed, their soft bodies yielding tiredly against mine. At moments, when I felt the baby kick, I let them put their little hands over my thin, stretched belly, to find tiny hands, feet and knees with amazement.

We discovered that Tante Susie was interned at Ludwigsburg. It was a female civilian internment camp about one hundred and fifty kilometres south-east of Windsheim, near Stuttgart. We sent letters to her and had some in reply telling us she was in relatively good spirits and health. Visitors were not encouraged. Onkel Werner had been transferred from internment at Dachau to a camp near Ludwigsburg. There was still no news about his case.

*

One morning in June while I was washing the dishes and the boys were playing in the back yard, there was a knock at the door. I wiped my hands on a tea towel and went to answer it. I opened it just a crack and shrieked with surprise.

‘What is it, Lotte?’ said Ernst, coming up the hallway behind me.

‘Look,’ I said, throwing the door open.

‘Muttilein!’ Ernst pushed past me and grasped his mother around the middle, lifting her into the air. ‘You’re home!’

‘Put me down before you hurt yourself,’ said Tante Susie, laughing. ‘Let me look at you. You’ve grown taller and stronger since I’ve gone.’

Ernst shrugged but I could see the pride as he squared his shoulders a little more and stood straighter.

‘Come inside,’ I said. ‘The boys are in the backyard playing. They’ll be beside themselves to see you.’

There was a lot of squealing, shrieking and screaming, the boys hugging their mother tightly and refusing to let her go. They pulled her around the yard and house, showing her their projects, explaining the things we had done while she was away. She listened intently to all they told her, nodding and asking questions, and it made my heart glad to see them reunited.

Tante Susie was clearly exhausted. I made sure she rested after dinner that night, while I continued with the bedtime routine, coming in to kiss each of the children good night. Her eyes narrowed when she saw the two youngest cuddled up to me as we finished reading our story. She said nothing but I felt a little uncomfortable. When I returned to the parlour where she and Erich sat listening to the radio, I could see that she had something to say.

‘The children are thin,’ she snapped.

‘You know how difficult the food situation was when you left. It’s only got worse, as you’ll soon see,’ I explained, sinking into a lounge chair, exhausted.

‘What about the rations? There should have been enough for them with the rations.’ I could see that she was agitated and I frowned. This was so unlike her.

‘We haven’t been able to get all the rations. Some weeks certain things aren’t available but we’ve tried to make up what we need on the black market or out in the countryside.’

‘It’s been difficult on the black market too,’ said Erich. ‘The usual food staples aren’t always possible to find no matter how many cigarettes are offered.’

‘They’re skin and bone. How are they going to grow like that?’ Tante Susie raked a shaking hand through her dark hair, streaked with more silver than I remembered.

‘You’re exhausted, Susie,’ said Erich. ‘The boys are fine. They’ll grow into healthy lads.’

‘No, don’t try to defend her. I know what’s happened here,’ she hissed. ‘She’s taken the boys’ rations for herself, the sugar and butter, to make sure this baby survives.’ Her voice rose. ‘What about my boys? They’re starving! You were supposed to take care of them like they were your own.’

I stood, shocked at what she had accused me of. I had never seen her nasty like this.

‘I would never do something like that. I love your boys and I’ve done my very best to look after them,’ I said indignantly.

‘Then why are they so thin and you’re not?’ she asked. She glared at me with a belligerent expression, her arms crossed tightly across her chest.

‘Enough, Susie! You’ll wake the children.’ Erich was by my side in an instant. ‘Lotte has done her utmost to care for your boys and she has done a wonderful job. You should be thanking her, not blaming her for doing something you know in your heart she would never do.’ He pulled my dress tight across my belly and hips. ‘Look at her. She’s skin and bones. I have to stop her from constantly giving some of her portion of the rations to your boys and force her to eat. She’s mindful of the responsibility she has to your children and would never let you down.’

Tante Susie glowered at us, trembling with fury. ‘I want you out of my house,’ she whispered, her voice now cold, like a shard of ice piercing my heart. She rose without another word, went to her room and closed her door.

Erich and I looked at each other, our eyes wide with shock.

‘I can’t believe she would even think that,’ I murmured.

‘I know. It’s ridiculous. Let’s sleep now and tomorrow we can look at it with fresh eyes.’

After a night of tossing and turning, becoming more distressed at the venom Tante Susie had directed my way, I woke feeling dull, unrefreshed and depressed. Erich and I had no choice but to confront her again after she sent the boys outside to play.

‘I apologise for my words last night,’ she said as she slumped at the dining table, dishevelled and her eyes rimmed with black, puffy rings. She obviously hadn’t slept much either and my heart went out to her, wondering what kind of torment she was going through.

‘It doesn’t matter, Tante Susie,’ I said. ‘We were all tired.’

‘It doesn’t change the facts,’ she said, ‘but I overreacted. Being without the boys and Werner has been difficult.’

‘You’ve had a difficult time,’ agreed Erich, ‘but we’ve done the best we can to care for your children and they’re healthy and happy, considering the circumstances.’

‘Well, you don’t need to worry about them any more. I’ll look after them and you can look after yourselves.’

‘I think you’re being unfair,’ said Erich softly.

Tante Susie stared at him, her large, dark eyes sparkling with anger. ‘Do you, now? Who took you and your wife in when you needed somewhere safe and you had nowhere else to go?’