He thought for a moment. ‘Flying gliders. Coasting on the air currents is the closest thing to total peace and exhilaration all at the same time. It’s as if you’re at one with nature and the world. It’s there that I always felt anything was possible, that as human beings we haven’t yet touched our true potential.’

I looked up into the expanse of blue sky, trying to imagine the feeling of flying on air. Both my brothers had described the elation of flying to me but Willi was the one who spoke about this kind of oneness.

‘How do you feel right now?’

‘I feel at peace with the world. With you here by my side, I feel like the world has stopped just for a little while. This is our moment of paradise, a time between lives, where our old lives are over but our new lives have not yet begun. In this moment, anything is possible and there are no pressures, no constraints to limit its possibility.’ He rolled onto his side to look at me, head in his hand, supported on his elbow. ‘Do you understand what I’m saying?’

‘I know what you mean.’ It surprised me that I did but what he said resonated deeply with me. ‘I feel that way when I capture beauty with my camera. I felt like that when I photographed you.’

He stared deep into my eyes. ‘So I was making some sense.’

I nodded. ‘Yes, and I believe that we are capable of so much. It’s easy to get caught up in our everyday lives but I know we can do more.’ I stopped in frustration, finding it difficult to articulate what I felt.

‘You want to leave your mark on the world,’ Erich finished softly.

‘Exactly! Nobody else understands that about me.’

‘It’s because I feel the same way.’

I stared at him, realising that this was exactly what we had always had in common and what had attracted me to him all along. He was a passionate man who, like me, wanted to make the world a better place by sharing the wonders around us with others.

He leant in and kissed me. I couldn’t help but respond, as if the kiss sealed the new understanding and bond between us. I drew him towards me, so that I felt his length against me as the kiss deepened. Although acknowledging the attraction I had for him, I had never, until this time, wanted to consider that it might be anything more than mere chemistry. I had never experienced such a deep connection to anyone in my life. It felt right and yet…

Erich broke off the kiss. ‘A kiss to new beginnings and a new life of possibility,’ he said. He smoothed my hair from my face. ‘It might be the right time to find that stream and cool off.’

I burst out laughing. ‘All right then.’ I extended my arm towards him. ‘Help me up.’

*

We slept out in the open, unable to find shelter until about a week later when we came across a farmhouse destroyed by fire. Erich steered me away from the building. We both felt that something terrible had happened here and I had no wish to face the horrors that might be found among the burnt remains. I had been plagued by nightmares of the bodies hanging in the village square. But he was too late to shield me from the placard resting at the base of a twisted willow tree. It was the same as the one we had seen in the village.

Shivering, I turned away and into Erich’s arms. ‘Let’s check the barn,’ I whispered. My feet and legs were aching and all I wanted was a dry, sheltered place to rest.

The barn was just what we needed. Exhausted and determined to get some sleep, I adjusted the uncomfortable bust of my dress and tried not to think about the placard and the atrocities that must have happened in this place.

I woke to Erich walking across to me, the rays of the early morning sun pushing their way through the gaps in the barn’s walls. ‘Look what I’ve got.’ He held out a pewter bowl, smiling.

‘What is it?’

‘Milk. I just met some soldiers who found a cow.’ He handed me the bowl as I sat up. ‘I’ve had some already. It’s fresh and good.’

I tipped the lip of the bowl, draining the rich, warm liquid. I wondered if I had ever tasted anything so good.

The soldiers asked us to share their breakfast. They wouldn’t say how they acquired the side of cured pork they cut thick slices from, which they set sizzling in a hot pan over a fire. I didn’t really care, burning my fingers as I crammed the meat into my mouth. We were starving, so thin after weeks of travelling and too little food but we couldn’t eat much. Our stomachs had shrunk.

They told us they were returning from the Italian Alps where they had been fighting when the war ended. Many of their friends had perished trying to make their way out of the mountains; starving, freezing and succumbing to the treacherous mountain snow and ice. I could only stare at my feet when they spoke bitterly at the way the Führer had left them stranded in the mountains, abandoned with little hope of rescue. More and more I was learning that he was not the leader we had been led to believe he was. All I hoped was that they now found their families safe and homes still intact after all they had been through.

13

Cocooned from the realities of the world, Erich and I walked hand in hand through the Köschinger Forest, shafts of sunlight falling between the densely growing pine trees creating an almost otherworldly atmosphere around us. I could imagine that we were in some ancient fairy tale, perhaps Red Riding Hood and her huntsman or Snow White and her prince. The rustling of the underbrush suggested that there were many small furry creatures living in this mainly untouched place. I felt the magic of this natural sanctuary begin to heal me, reconnecting me with my sense of wonder, a deeper self that I had denied since I was a child. We slept on soft beds of fragrant pine needles, Erich’s arm flung across me, our legs intertwined under my coat, curled together as if the world couldn’t touch us. I wanted him by my side like this forever.

It was early morning when I stirred. I wondered what had woken me. Peering into the forest that surrounded us, I saw dark shadows prowling between the trees. I squinted and the shapes took on forms, not of the wolves that I had feared, but humans. They came into view, men with a wild look in their sunken eyes, hair matted, beards overgrown and dirty rags hanging off their pathetically thin frames. They eyed us hungrily. With a speed I couldn’t imagine they’d possess, they pinned us down. Waving knives in our faces, shrieking in triumph, they found our bag with only a meagre portion of food left. I was terrified, shivering uncontrollably.

Erich wrapped his arms around me, protecting me with his body. ‘Stay still. They just want our food,’ he whispered urgently in my ear. Rifling through my bag, they found nothing they wanted, discarding the items on the forest floor.

As they released us, melting back into the trees, all I saw was their eyes. The forest dropped away and I was back in the village square. The eyes became red and bulging. Eyes that dropped from their sockets, leaving gaping cavities, revealing the swollen, blood-encrusted corpses. Flies buzzed around the open gunshot wounds and crows pecked at the remaining eyes. I screamed in horror.

I woke with a start. My eyes adjusted to the soft light of the room, curtains closed to keep out the morning sun. It was quiet and peaceful. I was in a clean, soft feather bed. Another just like it was a few steps away, empty with the covers pulled back, revealing rumpled sheets. Where was Erich? I missed the feel of him against me when I woke in the morning. Then I remembered.

We were safe and had arrived in Windsheim the day before; I was sharing a room with my mother at Tante Susie’s house. Erich had stayed the night in another room and we had not yet discussed what he would do next.

Sounds of the boys shouting and scuffling, their mother yelling at them, exasperated, drifted to me. I had to smile. We had returned to reality and it was good to be with family again, among the day-to-day activities that defined their life. I remembered my dream and glanced at the suitcase that held my possessions and our papers. They were safe. Despite being robbed of our food by starving vagrants, the forest had been a special time for Erich and me – we had grown closer than ever. I wondered what he was doing and decided that although I didn’t want to leave the luxury of warmth and a soft bed, it was time to get up and see.

Tante Susie and my mother were folding washing at the dining table. To look at, Tante Susie was almost the opposite of my mother, small and round, with the dark hair of their Bavarian grandmother. Having said that, she still commanded authority and like my mother, would not put up with any nonsense.

‘You’re up, sleepyhead,’ said my mother, folding a pair of pants, a smile tugging at the corners of her mouth. She had been overjoyed to see me when we arrived, hugging me tight, touching me and holding my hand to make sure I was really there and unwilling to let me out of her sight.

I nodded, still groggy. ‘Thank you for the clothes, Mutti.’ I smoothed down the blouse and skirt my mother had given me. She was always a bit smaller than me, but I could still fit into her clothes if I had to. The blouse gaped a little at the bust although it was hidden by the soft bow that fell from the collar. The skirt was fine, if anything a little looser than I would have thought.

‘You’re so thin,’ whispered Mutti.

‘How are you feeling today?’ asked my aunt, passing my mother one end of a sheet to help her fold. ‘I’m surprised you didn’t sleep longer, you were exhausted yesterday.’ Her eyes widened as if she’d thought of something. ‘Did those boys wake you up with their noise?’