Джорджетт Хейер - The Foundling

“Good God, could I?”

“Yes, she will go off with anyone who does so. Oh, Gideon, I am glad you have come! I have so much to tell you!” He refilled the glasses, and sat down opposite his cousin. “No sooner am I clear of one scrape than I fall into another! Harriet had to rescue me from the Roundhouse here only this afternoon, and you would not believe what an odious reputation I have in Hertfordshire!”

“Would I not? You forget that I sought for you in Hitchin! But begin at the beginning, Gilly! By the by, I sent that young fool, Matt, back to Oxford with a flea in his ear. He ought to be flogged for embroiling you in his silly starts!”

“Poor Matt, he did not embroil me: I embroiled myself. But how came he into the business?”

“Nettlebed recalled that he had been closeted with you the night before you disappeared, and went after him. I met the pair of them in Baldock. Never mind that now! Proceed with your story!”

Thus adjured, the Duke settled down to regale his cousin with the entire history of his adventures. Gideon interpolated so many questions, and laughed so much that the candles were burning low in their sockets before the Duke had ended the tale. Then he demanded to know Gideon’s share in it, and this amused him quite as much as his own part had amused Gideon. When he heard of Lord Lionel’s discovery of his ring in Gideon’s desk, he gave such a crack of mirth that a fellow-guest in the adjoining room thumped indignantly on the wall.

“Yes, excessively droll, no doubt!” said Gideon, thrusting a hand into his pocket, and bringing out the ring. He tossed it into the Duke’s hand. “Take your ill-omened bauble! And now, little cousin, I will break to you a trifle of knowledge you do not appear to have been informed of before! No action for breach of promise can lie against a minor.”

For a moment the Duke stared at him. Then he said blankly: “Do you mean that I did it all for nothing?”

“That is what I mean, Adolphus,” replied Gideon, grinning at him.

This struck the Duke as being so exquisitely humorous that the gentleman in bed in the next room was obliged to thump on the wall again.

“Oh, but I am glad I didn’t know it!” gasped the Duke, wiping his eyes. “Yes, I know you think it ought to be a lesson to me in future to ask my big cousin’s advice, but I would not have missed my adventures for a fortune!”

“No,” said Gideon, regarding him under his drooping eyelids. “I have a notion you are not going to ask anyone’s advice in the future, Adolphus. Shall you be sorry to return to all your dignities?”

“Yes—no! I had a most diverting time, but some of it was most uncomfortable, and I own that I do not care to be without a valet, or a change of raiment! I do trust that Scriven will not delay to send someone here with my baggage!”

“I fancy you need not be anxious on that head,” said Gideon dryly. “What ismore, I have my own guess as to who will appear in Bath before we are much older!”

“Good God! Not my uncle? What the devil shall I do with him, if you are right? I must find this fellow, Mudgley, and I am sure my uncle will be the greatest hindrance to me!”

Gideon’s eyes gleamed appreciatively at the unconscious change in his cousin which made it possible for him to contemplate the possibility of his being able to do anything at all with Lord Lionel, but he replied gravely: “You had best send him to join your new friend at Cheyney.”

“Yes, I think I had,” said the Duke, quite seriously. “He dislikes hotels, so perhaps he will choose to go there. I wonder, will he think Mamble preferable to the damp sheets he is convinced all landlords put upon their beds? And then there is Liversedge! Gideon, I charge you most straitly not to say one word to your father about Liversedge! He would raise such a breeze! And for heaven’s sake, try to think of some plausible tale for me to fob him off with! It would never do for him to know the truth,”

“Turning him up sweet? You won’t do it!”

“I must do it. There is Matt to be thought of, remember! But first I do think I should get rid of Mamble. If he stays in Bath I shall never be able to shake him off. Gideon, you shall drive him and Tom out to Cheyney for me tomorrow!”

Gideon groaned. “And tell Tom how I got my wound? I thank you!”

“Nonsense! It will not hurt you to tell him about a battle, and you are just the sort of’ fellow to give him other ambitions than highroad robbery.”

“Rid your mind of the hope that you are going to fob your hell-born babe off on me!” recommended Gideon.

But the Duke only smiled at him with deep, if rather sleepy, affection, and murmured: “Kind Gideon! Not really a hell-born babe, you know, just a trifle wild! I daresay he will mind you tolerably well. I am glad you are come to Bath!”

He said the same thing when he took himself off to bed, and found Nettlebed waiting to attend on him. Nettlebed had contrived, in some inexplicable way, to make his bedchamber much more comfortable, and there would be no denying that it was extremely pleasant to find candles already burning there, the fire made up, his nightshirt laid out in readiness, and a devoted servitor to pull off his boots, pour out hot water for him, and tenderly divest him of his raiment. He said: “It has done me a great deal of good to be without you, Nettlebed, for it has made me appreciate you as I never did before! Can anything be done, do you think, to make me respectable enough to be seen abroad?”

“Now, don’t you worry your head over that, your Grace!” Nettlebed admonished him. “I will soon have your coat fit to wear, never fear!”

“Thank you. I brought some new neckcloths today, so—”

“Your Grace won’t have to wear them,” said Nettlebed repressively.

“I was afraid you would not quite like them,” said the Duke, in a meek voice.

Nettlebed was not deceived; he was still to much chastened to treat this demure mischief as it deserved, but he shook his head at the Duke, and said severely, as he drew the curtains round the bed: “Ay, right well your Grace knew I wouldn’t like them, and a good thing his lordship isn’t here to see the case you’re in! Now, you go to sleep, your Grace, and no more of your tricks!”

In the morning it was discovered that not only had Nettlebed removed the stains and the creases from the Duke’s coat, but he had also furbished up Tom’s apparel. Nettlebed by no means approved of Master Mamble, but if his master chose to take under his wing a youth of vulgar parentage there was nothing for it but to do what lay in his power to make him respectable. From having attended the Duke and his various cousins in their boyhood, he was perfectly well able to deal with even so recalcitrant a subject as Tom, even succeeding in sending him in to breakfast with his neck clean, and his hair brushed.

Tom, no sufferer from matutinal moroseness, enlivened the board with a ceaseless flow of conversation. As much of this took the form of pertinacious questions addressed to Captain Ware, his victim revised his overnight decision, and grimly informed the Duke that he would obey his behests with the utmost willingness. “And how you have borne it for close on a week, I know not, Adolphus!” he said.

The Duke laughed, but bade Tom postpone his questions. “For my cousin is always very cross at breakfast,” he explained, “and you will have, besides, plenty of opportunity to ask him what you like presently. I have been thinking that you might like to go out to Cheyney, and stay there for a day or two. Captain Ware will tell my head-keeper to look after you, and you may take a gun out, and very likely see Shillingford’s ferrets, and go ratting as well.”

The magnificence of his proposal served not only to render Tom speechless for quite ten minutes, but to make him assail his parent, upon his arrival at the Pelican, with such eager entreaties to him to permit him to accept the most splendid invitation of his life that Mr. Mamble was almost dazed by them. When he understood more clearly what the invitation was, he protested that he did not wish to be any longer separated from his heir. This made it easy for the Duke to extend the invitation to him, and so adroitly did he do it that Mr. Mamble had no suspicion that he was being got rid of, and Gideon had to hide an appreciative grin. Fortunately for the success of the Duke’s scheme, Mr. Mamble had fallen foul of the landlord, the boots, and one of the waiters at the White Horse, and had already declared his intention of shaking the dust of this hostelry from his feet. If he thought an invitation to stay at Cheyney while its owner remained in Bath irregular, this consideration was outweighed in his mind by the prospect of being able to floor his oldest crony and chief rival in Kettering with the careless announcement that he had been visiting the Duke of Sale at his house near Bath. He accepted with a low bow, and in a speech in which the words Condescension, Your Grace, Distinguishing Attention, and All Obligation occurred so frequently that the Duke could only be grateful to Tom, who interrupted it without ceremony, demanding to know when they might set forward on the journey.

“You may come with me there at once,” said Gideon. “We will go ahead of your father in my curricle, and see all in readiness.”

“Oh, sir! and may I drive it? May I? Do, pray, say I may!”

His parent bade him mind his manners, and recommended Captain Ware to give him a clout if he should be troublesome. Gideon, however, nodded, and bade him make haste and pack up his valise. Tom dashed off at once, and in a very short time the Duke was alone, and able to set forth on his quest of Mr. Mudgley.