“You don’t need to be sorry,” he says quietly. “What’s done is done. You need to stop blaming yourself and let me go.”

I shake my head. “I don’t want to… you’re the only person that makes me feel like everything is going to be okay when clearly it’s not.”

“Everything is going to be okay,” he promises as I open my eyes and face him. His hair is in his eyes that look brighter, not as sad as they usually do, like he can sense that he’s about to be free from the place. Free. “Once you admit the truth, it’ll all get better from there. You just need to accept what is.”

“I don’t even know what is or what was,” I say, reaching for him, wanting to touch him just one time. Just once.

“That’s life Maddie,” he says, my hand moves toward him, so close, just a little more and I finally feel him. Just once. “No one knows much of anything, whether they have amnesia or not. But they keep on living, just like you need to. It would be a tragedy if the fire ended up destroying all three of us.”

I stand on my tiptoes and lean in toward him, our lips so close. “And what about you?” My hand hovers right beside his cheek, a sliver of space between us, just another inch and I’ll touch him.

“That’s up to you,” he says, his eyes drifting to my mouth. “I already told you that as long as you wanted me here, I’d always be here.”

“But you don’t want to be here?”

“I just want you to be happy. That’s all I’ve ever wanted for you.”

I want to ask him what will make him happy, but I think I already know. Being trapped is something no one wants. I’m the thing keeping Ryland… Evan a prisoner here, simply because I’m selfish. And it’s not Lily who’s doing it. This is solely me. Maddie Asherford. I’m selfish and it’s time to stop.

“Thank you for everything,” I say, tears stinging my eyes. “And I’m so sorry, for what happened to you.” Then before I can back out, I move my mouth toward his quickly, bringing my hand against his cheek. The contact sends a surge of heat through my body, so sweltering I feel like I’m back in the cabin again when it was on fire.

And then the heat goes cold—I go cold. And I know he’s gone.

I stand there for a while, unmoving with my eyes shut, knowing the second I lift my eyelids, it’ll all officially be over. It’ll all be gone. If I could, I’d probably stay that way forever, holding on for just another second, another moment, just one more. But eventually I have to move forward and open my eyes.

And when I do, I’m not standing in a cabin, just a field that once held one.

All alone.

Chapter 35

Maddie

The entire drive home, I try to figure out what to do with my mother. She spent so much time lying to me, thinking it was for my own good. I don’t think she’s necessarily a bad person, just delusional and perhaps insane. But I know it’s time for her to let me go so I can move on and try to live life on my own, either with or without Lily—I haven’t decided yet.

Never once does it cross my mind that there’s so much more to this than Evan being a memory or simply remembering my past. Quite honestly, I’d forgotten about a lot of the stuff that had happened over the last couple of weeks, like the murders and how I’d never even figured out if I was doing them or not.

But then I enter the house and see her sitting on the sofa in the living room.

At first I think I’m hallucinating again, seeing her outside my head. But there’s something different about her this time. More life in her eyes. More confidence. More darkness.

“Lily?” I whisper in astonishment and horror, the door blowing shut behind me, and I whirl around in surprise. It’s quiet except for the wind howling outside as I press my hand to my heart and rotate back around to face her.

Her lips turn upward like she’s going to smile but it looks warped and wrong, like it’s melting off her face and her mouth instantly sinks. Her blond hair matches my freshly dyed hair, only hers looks longer and shinier—better. Her eyes are even darker than they were in my hallucinations, her cheekbones more defined. She looks less like me and appears more in control of her surroundings, which is very unlike me, except for when I’m Lily—or her I guess.

“Hello my dear Maddie,” she says, uncrossing her legs and getting to her feet. She’s wearing a red dress that hugs her body, knee high-boots, and fishnet tights. “How have you been?”

“Are you… are you real?” I haven’t budged from the foyer, too afraid to get close to her, too afraid she’s like the Maddie inside my head. But what if she’s not? What if she’s alive? But then why am I just meeting her for the first time now? No, she has to be a hallucination.

“About as real as you,” she says, skimming me from head to toe. I haven’t showered since I woke up in the woods and my clothes are caked with dry mud, so I look like shit.

“Why are you… how are you here?” I note the voice inside my head is quiet—this Lily before me has to be my Lily.

A grin slowly creeps up on her face. “That is the million dollar question, isn’t it?” She saunters around the room, keeping her distance from me as she takes in the excessive amount of knickknacks in the living room. “God, our mother might have a bit of insanity in her as well.” She touches her finger to a small figurine of a stallion. “Don’t you think?”

“I don’t think I’m the best judge of that,” I reply tentatively. “Considering my own mental instability at the moment.”

“At the moment.” She casts a glance at me from over her shoulder. “Oh my dear Maddie, you’ve been crazy since we were ten years old, when you could neither except nor deny what our father was trying to instill in us.”

My bones feel as though they crack and tear out of my skin, my heart thudding violently inside my chest. I’m afraid, but I’m not sure if it’s from her or the truth.

“I need to know why you’re here… if you’re real?” I spot something out of my peripheral vision and jump to the side, bumping into the wall.

“Because we have some unfinished business.” Bella exits from the kitchen doorway, wearing black pants, a white t-shirt, and boots. Her hair is pulled back tightly in a ponytail and something silver is in her hand—a gun.

I instantly start to back away, ready to run out the front door.

“I wouldn’t do that if I were you,” Lily says, pleased, as she cross her arms. “We’re not finished yet.”

I glance back and forth between Lily and Bella, wondering if they’re like Ryland—not really here. Part of me wishes that was the case. Insanity over death—I just my take it.

“We’re very real Maddie,” Lily assures me as if she can read my mind and I suddenly realize that the Lily in my head has become alarming quiet inside of me. “So relax and lets chat.”

“I’d rather not.” I glance at the window, wondering where my mother went and if she’ll return to this madness. Maybe I should try to text her—warn her. Am I that kind of a person?

As I reach for my pocket deciding if I am, Lily says, “Don’t even try it.” She sticks out her hand. “Now toss me your cellphone.”

Glaring at her, I get my cell phone and reluctantly throw it across the room to her.

“Thank you.” Lily tucks it down her boot, out of sight.

“Stop talking,” Bella abruptly snaps, quickly crossing the living room with the gun aimed out in front of her. There’s also another gun sticking out of the pocket of her pants and an uncontrollable frenzy in her eyes, like she’s about to lose all control. “I didn’t come here to talk.”

Lily glances at the gun in Bella’s hand, composed with no fear in her expression unlike me. I remember how she was always the composed one while we were in the basement and for a second I envy her steadiness. “Relax, I haven’t seen my sister in years.” She flashes me, a haunting smile, eyes lacking emotion—she reminds me too much of the Lily in my head and a chill courses up my spine because I honestly can’t tell if she’s real still. “How are you my dear Maddie?”

I look helplessly around me. “Fine.”

“You seem confused?”

“That’s because I am.”

“I don’t blame you.” Lily takes a leisurely step toward me, but stops still several feet away as if she doesn’t want to get too close to me. “It’s kind of the whole point, isn’t it? And it’s good for you—brings out what needs to be brought out.”

Confusion swirls inside my head. “What are you talking about?”

“Oh.” Her grin shadows her entire face, and I can’t help but think about when my mother said she was the bad one. But no… I still can’t believe she’s here. This has to be my Lily—I’ve lost all control and now she’s taken over everything, including the outside world. “You still haven’t figured it out, have you? What’s been going on?”

“That your dead and I’m hallucinating,” I say. “None of this is real.”

“No Maddie, I’m very much real and alive, but not because of you,” she replies, cocking her head to the side, studying me. “Tell me, why did you leave me in that cabin when it was burning down?”

“I didn’t.” I shake my head in protest. “We were running away together…” But suddenly the images rush through me that I haven’t seen before. A light. Gas. Fire. I lit the cabin into flames and watched it ignite, lying down in the midst of it. I thought I was going to die, but Lily woke me up. We ran. She shot our father, while I took off in a panic and the whole place roared into flames behind me. “But you survived.”

“Of course I did. I’m a survivor.” She pauses then looks at Bella who is just standing there with the gun in her hand. “Unfortunately, her son didn’t.”