“I’ll think about it,” I say, but I don’t mean it. I back toward the door, zipping my jacket up. “And, Dad… thanks for talking about Mom.”

“No problem,” he replies. “I should have talked about her more, I guess.”

I don’t say anything. I agree with him, but I don’t want to say it because it’ll only hurt him, ruin this whole weird, good father/daughter vibe we have going. I open the back door and the wind blows inside, dusting snow across the floor.

“And, Ella,” he calls out as I’m about to step out into the snow and the glacier-cold breeze.

I pause and glance over my shoulder. “Yeah.”

“If you need any help… I mean, with the wedding and stuff if you decide to do it… I’m here if you need me,” he says, shifting his weight.

“Thanks,” I tell him, confused because he wants to help and it’s not something I’m used to. “I’ll let you know, but I think Micha’s mom’s on top of a lot of stuff. She’s super excited.”

He looks a little bit disappointed and I open my mouth to say more, but I can’t think of anything else to say so I wave, walk outside, and shut the door behind me. I feel somewhat bad because he seemed upset about my declining his help, but at the end of the day Micha’s mom was more of a parent to me than either of mine. Micha and she were my family since I was four, not my dad, my mom, or Dean. It was just his mom and Micha, but mainly Micha. He was my past and he is my future.

I pause as I’m about to hop over the fence, the snow knee deep and soaking through my jeans as I have a revelation that slams me square in the chest. From the day Micha begged me to climb over the fence for the very first time, we’ve been inseparable, except for the time I ran away to college. He took care of me. He loved me. He showed me what love was. And I think deep down, even though I couldn’t admit it a couple of years ago, I secretly hoped that he’d be in my life forever—that I’d end up with him. That I’d still be hopping over the fence to see him when I was twenty years old with his ring on my finger. That fifty years down the road I’d still be with him, sitting on a porch swing, drinking lemonade or whatever it is old couples do.

It makes my heart thump in excitement and terror because I think it’s time to let go of the dark things that haunt my past, let things go that I might not want to, so I can move forward into a future with a simple fence, juice box, and a toy car.

Chapter 14

Micha

“Are you sure you want me to do this?” I ask Ella, staring down at her mother’s journal on my lap.

She nods as she digs through her bag on the floor. “Yeah, I only want to know if you find anything happy.” She peers up at me, wearing only a red-and-black bra and matching panties. “If you don’t, then I don’t need to read it. But if you do, then I want to read it just so I can hear about the happy part of her I never got to see.”

I massage the back of my neck, nervous about reading something so private. “Okay, if that’s what you want.”

“It is.” She straightens her legs and stands up with a black dress in her hand. “But only if you feel comfortable doing it.”

I want to say that I’m not but there’s no way that I’m going to. Not after she came into the house yesterday after talking to her dad and announced that she was ready to move forward without finishing the journal because she wanted to let go of the past. I’m not even sure where the declaration came from, but there’s no way I’m going to do anything that will ruin it. “I’m down for a little reading, I guess.” I move the journal off my lap and onto the bed, then lean forward and grab the edge of the short, tight dress she’s about to put on. “Just as long as you tell me where the hell you’re going wearing this?”

“With Lila out to dinner,” she answers. “Why? What’s wrong with the dress?”

“Because it’s smaller than most of my shirts,” I tell her, jealousy ringing in my voice. “Your ass will be hanging out of it.”

She snatches the dress away from me. “It will not,” she insists, bending over and stepping into the dress. “Besides, Lila said specifically to wear this one.”

I rise to my feet as she shimmies the tight fabric over her body and slips her arms through the thin straps. It hugs her body perfectly but the bottom barely covers her thighs. “Why?” I question.

She tousles her fingers through her hair. “I’m not sure. You’ll have to ask her. All she’d tell me was that it was a surprise.”

“Oh, I’m going to,” I assure her and then leave the room to go find Lila.

She’s in the kitchen with Ethan, bags of red and black candles and matching flowers, ribbons, and other decorative shit scattered all over the countertops and table in front of them, along with wrapping paper and tape and a bag full of Christmas present bows. Lila, Ella, and my mom spent half the day shopping and Ella had come home looking worn out but with a bag full of wedding decorations and I guess a few presents for Christmas. She never was the shopping type and I’m guessing that Lila and my mom had more to do with the overabundance of wedding decorations and presents than Ella.

“I have a question for you,” I say to Lila as I scoot out a chair and join them at the table. She’s got Ethan tying ribbons, and even though he doesn’t look happy, he’s still doing it, which is kind of funny.

“Don’t say a word,” Ethan warns as he ties a piece of black ribbon into a bow. “Time and time again I’ve watched you do stupid shit for Ella and haven’t said a word.”

I rotate a candle in my hand. “No, you said a lot of words that annoyed the shit out of me.”

He shakes his head and then drops the bow, looking at Lila. “Can I be done with this?” He flexes his fingers like he has a cramp. “I can’t even feel the tips of my fingers anymore.”

Lila snips the end of a red piece of ribbon with a pair of scissors. “No way. We have about a hundred more to go.” She sets the ribbon and scissors down. She’s wearing this dark blue dress that has sparkly stuff all over it. It’s not as tight as Ella’s but it is equally as short, if not shorter. “So what’s your question, Micha? And if it’s about your Christmas present from Ella, I’m not going to tell you what it is.”

“It’s not that,” I say, shaking my head. “And what are you talking about? Ella and I don’t get each other presents.” Except for last year when I gave her the engagement ring, but that was different.

“Maybe not in the past,” she says with a smile. “But she did this year.”

Shit. Does that mean I have to get her something? And if so, then what? I shake my head. I’m getting sidetracked. I shove the candle aside and fold my arms on top of the table. “That’s not what I was going to ask you. I want to know where the hell are you taking Ella tonight.”

Lila shrugs as she reaches for another roll of ribbon. “Out to dinner.”

“Where?” I ask.

“Why does it matter?” she replies, unraveling a bit of ribbon around her hand.

“Because she’s dressed like a whore,” I say bluntly, attempting to throw her off.

But it doesn’t faze her. “She isn’t going to look like a whore. She’s just dressing up to go out.”

“Not to dinner, though. You don’t need to be dressed like that to go to dinner,” I say and point at her dress.

“What’s wrong with how I’m dressed?” She bats her eyelashes innocently. “I’m just wearing a dress.”

“I’m going to agree with Micha on this one,” Ethan chimes in, cracking his knuckles. “I don’t like the dress at all.”

Amusement dances in Lila’s eyes. “You liked it the other night.”

“Yeah, when I was the only one seeing you in it,” he says, extending his hand toward the heap of ribbon Lila unraveled.

Lila grins as she pushes her chair away from the table. “Oh, you two and your jealousy.” She pats Ethan on the top of the head. “It’s so adorable.” She strolls behind him and kisses the top of his head. “I’m going to go see if Ella’s ready,” she singsongs and Ethan checks her ass out as she walks away and leaves the room, calling over her shoulder, “And Micha, feel free to make yourself useful and start tying bows.”

I gape at Ethan. “Is she being serious?”

He cuts a piece of red ribbon. “Yeah.” He drops the scissors onto the table. “But it’s your fault.”

“Why the hell is it my fault?”

“Because you’re the one who wouldn’t just drive to Vegas and elope.”

I reach over the table and pick up a roll of ribbon. “That sounds more like your kind of marriage than mine.”

He nods in agreement. “Yeah, you’re right, still though. We wouldn’t have to be sitting here, tying ribbon like a couple of whipped pussies.”

I fiddle with the ribbon, stifling a laugh. “So what am I supposed to be doing?”

Sighing, he shows me how to tie the ribbon and then we sit at the table tying bows for the next twenty minutes until Ella and Lila walk into the kitchen. Ella stops just short of the table and crosses her arms. Her hair is loose at her shoulders in waves, her eyes are lined with black, and her lips have a tint of pink to them. She has heels on that have straps that wind up her ankles, and between the shoes and the short dress her legs look nearly endless.

“Well, look at you two,” she says with hilarity in her voice. “All crafty and tying bows.”

I rotate in the chair and scan her amazingly perfect body, picturing how later her long legs will be wrapped around me. “You better watch it, Ella May, or you won’t have any ribbons at your wedding.”

“Good,” she says, tugging the bottom of her dress down.

Lila pokes her in the back. “Hey, I thought you liked the ribbons.”