"What did you do?" I asked.

Grandma took another sip of hot coffee. "He still don't want me."

"Who?"

"The man upstairs." She sighed. "It seems my work isn't yet done. You'd think He'd be pleased. I mean, I basically saved the world."

"How do you figure?" This I had to hear. After all, I was curing cancer, how could what she'd done be any better than that?

"I saved the world from STDs. The way that grandson of mine was going, he was going to be solely responsible for coming up with a new strain. Mark my words. The little slut." She sighed. "But I love him. I may have ruined him, but Grandma fixed all the broken, whorish little pieces, and now look at him." She pointed. "Happy as a clam."

"Right." I backed away slowly.

Grandma's hand shot out and grabbed my arm. "Now drink your coffee and follow me."

"Do I have a choice?" I asked, looking around for a quick escape that wouldn't end up with me being hit by oncoming traffic.

Grandma paused and looked directly into my eyes. "My dear, we always have a choice. The question is never if you have a choice. It's whether your options are better on your own or with my help. Choices come and go. But chances? Only once in a lifetime." She winked. "So why don't you jump?"

"I don't like heights."

"I don't like loud breathers. Doesn't mean I smother people with pillows when I'm irritated," she joked. "Sometimes, my dear, we need a little push."

"Is that what you are? A little push?"

"Hell no." Grandma snorted. "The little push is your conscience. I'm a damn atom bomb. Now are you coming or not?"

I could go home. I could choose safe. I could choose white walls and a sterile environment. What I should choose was the exact opposite of what she was offering. But she was right about one thing: I'd probably regret not taking that old wrinkled hand in mine. So even though I was pretty sure I was making the biggest mistake of my life, even counting the time I tried to dye my hair bleach-blond, I grasped her like a lifeline and prayed to the Man upstairs that I wasn't going to be sent home in a body bag.


****


"I need to disappear for a while." Shaking, Jace let out a loud curse and looked like he needed Grandma's special coffee more than I did.

Grandma released my hand and pushed through her grandsons. "Did I hear someone say something about escape?"

A resounding groan was followed by four horrified faces as Grandma walked up to the ticket counter.

Grandma started firing off questions about her grandsons' honeymoons. I say honeymoons because Travis and Kacey had just gotten married, and in a very strategically set of planned events, so had Char — to Jake, the one she constantly referred to as the whorish grandson. Money had exchanged hands; a preacher, who will have to face consequences once he gets to heaven, married the couple without their knowledge. And the weird part? Jake and my sister Char were so happy it made me a little nauseated.

Char had gotten fired from her job, not that it mattered since the Titus family had more money than God, and now she was taking a honeymoon with Jake Titus, reformed playboy and GQ's Man of the Year.

Clearly, she'd gotten the looks in the family.

Whereas, I'd gotten the brains and less-than-stellar vision. Yay me.

"Beth! Beth dear! Come over here. I need your ID."

All eyes turned to me. Whoever said doing the walk of shame was, well, shameful, lied. This? Walking by both Titus brothers the morning after the wedding, looking like I hadn't slept and being with Jace? Let's just say it wasn't something I ever wanted to repeat. I felt naked. And not a good naked, where you feel free and happy and at peace with the world. No, it was a bad naked. The type of naked where people point and laugh, and you have nothing to cover yourself up with but your hands, and even then you only have two of them, so where's the justice in that?

I took a few steps toward Grandma and Jace. He looked too worried to be irritated that Grandma was manipulating. Maybe that's how she worked. She wore you down so much by the time she offered the little crumb that I'd like to refer to as the gateway drug into crazy land, you were so desperate to escape you didn't just take it and examine it. You freaking ate it and asked for more.

Damn.

I was eating her crumbs.

So was Jace.

"ID?" Grandma snapped.

I pulled my driver's license out of my purse and handed it over.

Jace rubbed his face with his hands.

"It seems the only seats we have next to one another that are available are in the back of the plane."

The ticket lady's pinched expression gave me the impression that they were bad seats.

"We'll take them," Grandma announced. "And I'll take first class with the honeymooners."

I wasn't really sure what was so bad about the back of the plane. I looked to Jace for help, but he was busy scrolling through text messages like someone who'd just taken a shot of espresso and didn't know how to handle the jolt of adrenaline that followed.

"Thank you, Ilene. As always you're so helpful." Grandma patted the lady's hand and smiled.

"Do you know everyone?" I whispered so only Grandma could hear.

"Oh, honey," Grandma handed me my ticket, "what's the use in doing the Lord's work if you don't have the connections needed to pull it off?"

Sound logic. Damn her.

"Yoohoo!" Grandma called and then whistled.

I winced. Travis cursed. Jake shook his head and seemed to be speaking in a different language, and Kacey just laughed.

"It's time to go through security." She turned her attention to Jake. "Son, hide your drugs."

"What?" His eyes widened.

"Kidding." Grandma pinched Jake's cheek and let out a giggle.

Nobody joined in. That shit could get you arrested.

"Sense of humor!" Grandma slapped her leg and laughed again. "Oh sometimes I just kill myself."

"I've tried," Travis grumbled. "No cockblocking."

Did he really just say that? Out loud? To his grandmother.

Embarrassed, I looked away. Who spoke to an elderly woman like that? Did she even know what that meant?

"Sweetie," Grandma dug through her purse and pulled out a tube of red lipstick, "I'm already finished with you. You can have all the sex you want. You too, Jake."

The last time my face had felt this red was when I was in the sixth grade and accidently tucked my skirt into my tights.

"Uh, thanks?" Jake answered.

"Besides, I'm finished with you two. My work is done. Now your wives can continue in my footsteps. Actually, that's not true. If I don't see great-grandchildren in a year, I may have to re-evaluate my five-year plan. At any rate. My eyes or the eye of Sauron—"

"Ah, Lord Of The Rings' quotes… of course," Travis interjected and pointed a finger at Jake. "That's what you get for making her watch all the movies after the wedding. You get an eighty-six-year-old woman thinking she has some sort of wizardly magic."

"As I was saying, the Eye is on these two."

Grandma pointed in my direction, and I could have sworn I felt the laser beam from her polished nail.

I stepped behind a very pale Jace, hoping that the whole finger-pointing magic would drain directly into him and leave me the hell alone.

I peeked around him, only to find both Titus brothers giving Jace knowing grins.

"Word of advice." Travis walked up to Jace and slapped him on the shoulder. "Don't drink it if it tastes funny."

"Also," Jake chimed in, "the law doesn't apply to her. So if you call the cops, know it will probably be you behind bars before it will be her."

"She likes Benadryl," Kacey added.

"And she will win." Char nodded.

"This game isn't about skill." Jake put his arm around Char. "It's about knowing when to admit you've failed."

"And failure?" Travis laughed. "To that one?" He pointed to a silent-yet-smiling Grandma. "Isn't an option."

"Best bet." Jake sighed heavily. "Put all your chips on the table."

"And then what?" I asked, curiosity killing me from the inside out.

"Oh that." Travis grinned. "You still lose. But at least by putting it all out there ahead of time, you know what you're losing."

"And what's that?" Jace spoke for the first time since getting his ticket. "A shitload of money?"

"Nah," Jake answered for Travis. "Something a lot more valuable."

"The question," Grandma piped up as she strolled toward security, "is never what you lose. But if you care that you're losing it in the first place."

"I think you've all lost your damn minds," Jace said, his voice hoarse. His panic-stricken eyes found mine as he rubbed the back of his head and cursed.

Chapter Six

"I'd rather not make a bet with a convicted felon."

"Convicted?" Grandma gasped. "Bite your tongue! I'm just visiting until this little misunderstanding is over."

"I wouldn't call a white van with no license plates, a ransom note, and enough rufies to put out a gorilla a…" he put up his fingers in air quotes, "misunderstanding."

"Call it whatever you want. But I'm innocent."

"And I'm Charlie Sheen."

"I knew you looked familiar!" Grandma giggled. "Tell me, how's that sexy father of yours?"


Jace


The first thing I thought of when I got on the plane was alcohol. The second? All the sex I wasn't having that the media was convinced I was. Funny, because at this point,if I was engaging in said extra-curriculars with prostitutes, I sure as hell wouldn't be so dumb about it.