I kept Bernard de Ventadour with me. He raised my flagging spirits. It was wonderful to be courted and loved through his music. I had been brought up in such an atmosphere, and it was natural that I should re-create it.

This was Aquitaine, not England.

I had a notion that Henry had something on his mind and that it concerned me. I would catch him watching me covertly, as though he were assessing me.

He came to the hall one evening when Bernard de Ventadour was lying at my feet singing one of his love songs. My ladies and the gentlemen of the Court were listening intently. The song was about the beauty of the loved one, who was too high and noble for the singer to reach.

Henry stood, legs apart, head thrust forward, glowering at Bernard, who went on singing unfalteringly and perhaps putting more expression than ever into his voice, while his warm southern eyes rested on me.

“By the eyes of God,” cried Henry, “what nonsense!”

Then he turned and strode away.

Bernard went on singing.

When he had finished there was halfhearted applause from those who did not know what action to take. I knew it was no use ignoring the incident, so I said: “The King did not like your verses, Bernard.”

“If the Queen liked them, that is all I ask.”

There was a breathless silence. I was asking myself, could Henry really have been jealous?

I was a little afraid for Bernard, knowing how violent Henry could be. Indeed, I had been astonished by his restraint. He might well have commanded Bernard to stop singing, even ordered him to leave. I did not want that to happen. I would try to placate him, and perhaps it would be better if Bernard were slightly less prominent for a while.

When I was in our apartment, Henry came in. He looked at me, his tawny eyebrows raised a little. He was not going to wait for me to comment. He was coming straight into the attack.

“That insolent fellow will have to go.”

“Are you referring to Bernard de Ventadour?”

“Bernard de Ventadour! A fine name for a serving wench’s bastard.”

“Oh, come,” I said. “We are talking about a great poet.”

“Poet!”

“Indeed yes, and recognized as such by people who know of such matters.”

“Which I don’t, eh? I have better use for my time than listening to such jibbering. Insolent dog.”

“Insolent! He has never shown me anything but the utmost respect.”

“And he has shown me something, too. He is your lover.”

“What nonsense!”

“That stuff he was singing ...”

“You must know it was just poetic imagination.”

“Imagination! Tell him he can go back to the kitchens from which he came. They can find a place for his imagination down there among the spits and pots.”

“I thought you liked those who are intelligent.”

“I could have his tongue cut out. That would put an end to his licentious driveling.”

“Do you think my people would allow that? Already you are no favorite of theirs. This is my country, Henry. You would do well to remember that.”

I saw the color coming into his face. He tore off his cloak and flung it from him. He lay on the floor and kicked at the wall. He gnashed his teeth, biting the flounces about the bed.

I watched him. I had seen these rages before, but there was something not quite the same about this one. The thought flashed into my mind: He is staging this. There is something behind it. He is performing for my benefit.

On other occasions when I had seen those senseless rages I had been alarmed ... for his health, for his sanity. I had indeed thought he was possessed by devils and there was something in that story about his ancestry. But this was different.

He was shouting obscenities about Bernard and me.

I drew in my skirts and walked past him, out of the apartment.

Henry said no more about Bernard de Ventadour, but I advised the troubadour not to sing when he was present. I told him I feared the King was jealous and when he was enraged he could be terrible.

Bernard was no fool. He might say that he only cared for me and that the opinions of others mattered not to him, but Henry was formidable, even in Aquitaine where he was unpopular.

I was once more pregnant and was beginning to wonder whether my life was to be spent bearing children. It was true that I had wanted them and that I now had only one son, but I did feel that the pregnancies were too frequent, and a little respite in between would be desirable.

My sojourn in Aquitaine had been a disappointment. It was no longer the same, for while the people loved me and accepted me as their Duchess, they could not forget that I had a husband and that he was trying to force his rule upon them. They did not like it. He did not understand them and they did not understand him. He thought that what was successful in England could be successful here. We were a different people. We had lived too long in the sun; we did not care for discipline; we liked to go along smoothly, effortlessly. Henry was quite alien to these people. They could not understand his restlessness, his love of law and order, his immense energy.

I wanted to go back to England. I found life too depressing in the sunshine of my native land.

It was February when we arrived in England. Henry had gone to Anjou. He was still concerned about troublesome Geoffrey. Matilda was as good as a general, and Normandy was in excellent hands; he trusted those in England. But I knew he would be with me as soon as possible.

He would be missing Becket, I thought ruefully.

I was feeling well in spite of my pregnancy. I was getting used to that state now.

An uprising on the Welsh borders brought Henry back to England before Easter. This was what we had to expect from life, I supposed. As soon as one little corner was safe, there would be trouble in another.

With his unbounded energy he set about getting his army together. The Welsh campaign was not a great success. The Welsh were fierce fighters, and the victory Henry had expected had not come. Instead he was all but defeated and shrewdly he quickly made a concession to the Welsh which would confine them to their own country and make the border safe.

He came back less triumphant than usual. We had an affectionate reunion, but again I had that feeling that he had something on his mind.

We were alone in the bedchamber when he looked at me steadily and almost defiantly said: “We shall have another in the nursery.”

I naturally thought he was referring to the child I was carrying and I replied: “I wonder if this one will be a boy.”

“It is a boy,” he said. “His name is Geoffrey.”

I stared at him. I saw the defiant look in his eyes and I knew. He had been preparing me for this. His mock rage over Bernard de Ventadour was when he was wondering how to broach the subject. He had been hinting at my infidelity to excuse his own. And now he had decided to exert his rights and to let me know he was the master. Hence his arrogance.

“Geoffrey?” I said. “And who might this Geoffrey be?”

“He is my son.”

“Your ... bastard?”

“Yes, of course. Since he is not yours he must be.”

“And you want to bring him into the royal nursery?”

“I am bringing him into the royal nursery.”

“Without consulting me?”

“I am telling you of my wishes now.”

“And you think I will consent to this?”

“He is coming tomorrow.”

“No!”

“But yes. It is good for him to be with his brother and sister.”

“I do not understand how you can behave like this.”

“There is much you have to learn of me then.”

“These are my children.”

“Mine too, I hope.”

“How dare you!”

“Why so outraged? Your reputation is not exactly chaste.”

“And yours, my lord?”

“Not chaste either. I have never questioned yours. Why should you mine?”

“How old is this boy?”

“A little older than Henry.”

“Then ... so long ago ... you were unfaithful!”

He looked puzzled. “Madam, I was far from home. Do you expect me to live like a monk? There are women, of course. They mean nothing ...”

“And this one ... the mother of the boy ... she means nothing to you?”

“Nothing at all.”

“Yet her bastard ...”

“Is mine also. I care about the boy.”

“How do you know this child is yours?”

“I know.”

“Men can be fooled, you understand.”

“I understand that in him I am not mistaken. He will arrive tomorrow. He is to be treated as the others.”

I was speechless with rage—not so much by the prospect of having the child in the nursery as that almost immediately after our marriage he had been unfaithful to me.

He went on: “He will be brought here and he will come straight to the nursery. He is a pleasant child.”

“Are we to have a succession of your bastards invading the nurseries?”

“It is only this one whom I wish to have here at the present.”

“What a lecher you are! I suppose when you are with your armies you take any woman you like as you pass through the towns. You sport with the camp-followers.”

“It is the way of men on the march. And I am surprised that you are surprised it should be so. I believe you had certain adventures when you were on the march. I have heard some spicy scandals about you and your uncle. I always went outside the family.”

“How dare you speak to me thus.”

“I speak as I will to you, as to any of my subjects.”

I had been a fool. I should have known. I remembered the days when we had first met and that immediate attraction between us. It had been nothing but what might have happened with a tavern wench. I felt humiliated and angry with myself.