Джорджетт Хейер - The Corinthian

Miss Creed turned rather white, and said in a small, but very clear voice: “If you did that it would be the most cruel—the most treacherous thing in the world!”

“I suppose it would,” he admitted.

There was a pause. Sir Richard unfobbed his snuff-box with a flick of one practised finger, and took a pinch. Miss Creed swallowed, and said: “If you had ever seen my cousin, you would understand.”

He glanced down at her, but said nothing.

“He has a wet mouth,” said Miss Creed despairingly.

“That settles it,” said Sir Richard, shutting his snuff-box. “I will escort you to your childhood’s friend.”

Miss Creed blushed. “You? But you can’t!”

“Why can’t I?”

“Because—because I don’t know you, and I can very well go by myself, and—well, it’s quite absurd! I see now that you are drunk.”

“Let me inform you,” said Sir Richard, “that missish airs don’t suit those clothes. Moreover, I don’t like them. Either you will travel to Somerset in my company, or you will go back to your aunt. Take your choice!”

“Do please consider!” begged Miss Creed. “You know I am obliged to travel in the greatest secrecy. If you went with me, no one would know what had become of you.”

“No one would know what had become of me,” repeated Sir Richard slowly. “No one—my girl, you have no longer any choice: I am going with you to Somerset!” 

As no argument produced the least effect on Sir Richard’s suddenly reckless mood, Miss Creed abandoned her conscientious attempt to dissuade him from accompanying her on her journey, and owned that his protection would be welcome. “It is not that I am afraid to go by myself,” she explained, “but, to tell you the truth, I am not quite used to do things all alone.”

“I should hope,” said Sir Richard, “that you are not quite used to travelling in the common stage either.”

“No, of course I am not. It will be quite an adventure! Have you ever travelled by stage-coach?”

“Never. We shall travel post”

“Travel post? You must be mad!” exclaimed Miss Creed. “I dare say you are known at every posting-inn on the Bath road. We should be discovered in a trice. Why, I had thought of all that even before you made up your mind to join me! My cousin Frederick is too stupid to think of anything, but my Aunt Almeria is not, and I make no doubt she will guess that I have run away to my own home, and follow me. This is one of the reasons why I made up my mind to journey in the stage. She will enquire for me at the posting-houses, and no one will be able to give her the least news of me. And just think what a bustle there would be if it were discovered that we had been travelling about the country together in a post-chaise!”

“Does it seem to you that there would be less impropriety in our travelling in the stage?” enquired Sir Richard.

“Yes, much less. In fact, I do not see that it is improper at all, for how can I prevent your booking a seat in a public vehicle, if you wish to do so? Besides, I have not enough money to hire a post-chaise.”

“I thought you said you were cursed with a large fortune?”

“Yes, but they won’t let me have anything but the most paltry allowance until I come of age, and I’ve spent most of this month’s pin-money.”

“I will be your banker,” said Sir Richard.

Miss Creed shook her head vigorously. “No, indeed you will not! One should never be beholden to strangers. I shall pay everything for myself. Of course, if you are set against travelling by the stage, I do not see what is to be done. Unless—” she broke off as an idea occurred to her, and said, with sparkling eyes: “I have a famous notion! You are a notable whip, are you not?”

“I believe I am accounted so,” replied Sir Richard.

“Well, supposing you were to drive in your own curricle? Then I could get up behind, and pretend to be your Tiger, and hold the yard of tin, and blow up for the change and—”

“No!” said Sir Richard.

She looked disappointed. “I thought it would be exciting. However, I dare say you are right.”

“I am right,” said Sir Richard. “The more I think of it, the more I see that there is much to be said for the stagecoach. At what hour did you say that it leaves town?”

“At nine o’clock, from the White Horse Inn, in Fetter Lane. Only we must go there long before that, on account of your servants. What is the time now?”

Sir Richard consulted his watch. “Close on five,” he replied.

“Then we have not a moment to lose,” said Miss Creed. “Your servants will be stirring in another hour. But you can’t travel in those clothes, can you?”

“No,” he said, “and I can’t travel with that cravat of yours either, or that abominable bundle. And, now I come to look at you more particularly, I never saw hair worse cut.”

“You mean the back, I expect,” said Miss Creed, unresentful of these strictures. “Luckily, it has always been short in front. I had to chop the back bits off myself, and I could not well see what I was about.”

“Wait here!” commanded Sir Richard, and left the room.

When he returned it was more than half an hour later, and he had shed his evening-dress for buckskin breeches, and top-boots, and a coat of blue superfine cloth. Miss Creed greeted him with considerable relief. “I began to fear you had forgotten me, or fallen asleep!” she told him.

“Nothing of the sort!” said Sir Richard, setting a small cloak-bag and a large portmanteau down on the floor. “Drunk or sober, I never forget my obligations. Stand up, and I will see what I can do towards making you look more presentable.”

He had a snowy white cravat over one arm, and a pair of scissors in his hand. A few judicious snips greatly improved the appearance of Miss Creed’s head, and by the time a comb had been ruthlessly dragged through her curls, forcing rather than coaxing them into a more manly style, she began to look quite neat, though rather watery-eyed. Her crumpled cravat was next cast aside, and one of Sir Richard’s own put round her neck. She was so anxious to see how he was arranging it that she stood on tiptoe to catch a glimpse of herself in the mirror hanging above the mantelpiece, and got her ears boxed.

“Will you stand still?” said Sir Richard.

Miss Creed sniffed, and subsided into dark mutterings. However, when he released her, and she was able to see the result of his handiwork, she was so pleased that she forgot her injuries, and exclaimed: “Oh, how nice I look! Is it a Wyndham Fall?”

“Certainly not!” Sir Richard replied. The Wyndham Fall is not for scrubby schoolboys, let me tell you.”

“I am not a scrubby schoolboy!”

“You look like one. Now put what you have in that bundle into the cloak-bag, and we’ll be off.”

“I have a very good mind not to go with you,” said Miss Creed, glowering.

“No, you haven’t. You are now my young cousin, and we are wholly committed to a life of adventure. What did you say your name was?”

“Penelope Creed. Most people call me Pen, but I ought to have a man’s name now.”

“Pen will do very well. If it occasions the least comment, you will say that it is spelt with two N’s. You were named after that Quaker fellow.”

“Oh, that is a very good idea! What shall I call you?”

“Richard.”

“Richard who?”

“Smith—Jones—Brown.”

She was engaged in transferring her belongings from the Paisley shawl to the cloak-bag. “You don’t look like any of those. What shall I do with this shawl?”

“Leave it,” replied Sir Richard, gathering up some gleaming scraps of guinea-gold hair from the carpet, and casting them to the back of the fireplace. “Do you know, Pen Creed, I fancy you have come into my life in the guise of Providence?”

She looked up enquiringly. “Have I?” she said doubtfully.

“That or Disaster,” said Sir Richard. “I shall know which when I am sober. But, to tell you the truth, I don’t care a jot! En avant, mon cousin!”

It was past midday when Lady Trevor, accompanied by her reluctant husband, called at her brother’s house in St James’s Square. She was admitted by the porter, obviously big with news, and handed on by him to the butler. “Tell Sir Richard that I am here,” she commanded, stepping into the Yellow Saloon.

“Sir Richard, my lady, is not at home,” said the butler, in a voice pregnant with mystery.

Louisa, who had extracted from her lord a description of Sir Richard’s proceedings at Almack’s on the preceding night, snorted. “You will tell him that his sister desires to see him,” she said.

“Sir Richard, my lady, is not upon the premises,” said the butler, working up to his climax.

“Sir Richard has trained you well,” said Louisa dryly. “But I am not to be put off so! Go and tell him that I wish to see him!”

“Sir Richard, my lady, did not sleep in his bed last night!” announced the butler.

George was surprised into indiscreet comment. “What’s that? Nonsense! He wasn’t as foxed as that when I saw him!”

“As to that, my lord,” said the butler, with dignity, “I have no information. In a word, my lord, Sir Richard has vanished.”

“Good Gad!” ejaculated George.

“Fiddle-de-dee!” said Louisa tartly. “Sir Richard, as I suppose, is in his bed!”

“No, my lady. As I informed your ladyship, Sir Richard’s bed has not been slept in.” He paused, but Louisa only stared at him. Satisfied with the impression he had made, he continued: “The evening attire which Sir Richard was wearing yesterday was found by his man, Biddle, upon the floor of his bedroom. Sir Richard’s second-best top-boots, a pair of buckskins, a blue riding-coat, his drab overcoat, and a fawn coloured beaver, have all disappeared. One is forced to the conclusion, my lady, that Sir Richard was called away unexpectedly.”