“You do not know?” A loving smile lit his face. “I’m surprised you have not guessed.”

“Tell me.”

“Because I am selfish too.”

“You are not selfish. You give to everyone.”

“Because it pleases me. Is that not a form of selfishness? I have loved you all my life, but I don’t want bits and pieces of you. When I was younger, I used to think it might be enough, but gradually I came to the realization that I am not a man who could bear a half-filled cup.”

“I am not a half-filled cup,” she said tartly.

“It could be the description is inadequate. Perhaps the problem is that you have always brimmed over the edge. At first you would not look at me because I was not comely and charming as you found Jordan’s father. I had always been there like an old sheepdog trailing at your heels.”

She tried to laugh. “Better a sheepdog than a swine, I suppose.” She swallowed. “Jordan is right. I’m not a good person. I did hurt you.”

“Not with intention.” He lifted her hand to his lips again. “And then you did finally look at me, but you were still preoccupied with fighting the demons you had created for yourself. You had to prove you had worth, you had to see Kazan safe and prosperous, you had to lure your son back to you.”

“You helped me try to do all those things.”

“Yes, I helped you, but I won’t cheat myself by accepting a minor place in your life.”

“You were never minor. How can I convince you? Dear God, what do you want of me?”

“I want it all. Nothing else will satisfy me,” Gregor said simply. “And someday, when you give up your guilt and come to terms with yourself, you will be able to give it.” He rose to his feet. “It is time I left. I will send Alex to you.”

“Take care,” she whispered.

“Of course. What talisman do you think has kept me alive all these years? Selfishness made me the most cautious of men.” He smiled teasingly as he repeated softly, “I want it all.”

Niko came riding back to the troop. “She is heading north, over the mountains.”

Jordan’s gaze went to the mountains. Russia.

“Moscow?” Gregor murmured.

“Not necessarily. The Zavkov might be hidden somewhere close to the border.”

“What if her destination is Moscow? It’s a long, hard trip for a woman alone.”

“She’s not a fool. I’m sure she took food.”

Gregor raised his brows skeptically. “Enough to last her through a trek like that?”

“She can care for herself. When she was little more than a child, she traveled by foot halfway across Montavia.”

“This is different. There are few towns and villages between here and Moscow. She cannot hunt. How will she-”

“She may not be going to Moscow.” He nudged his horse into a gallop, leaving Gregor and his apprehensions behind.

She had used pity to disarm and blind him. He would not permit her to do it again.

CHAPTER 15

It is going to be Moscow.” Gregor’s breath puffed in the frigid air as he added, “I do not understand it. How does she know the way? Niko said she is traveling as if she were following a map.”

“That’s not surprising,” Jordan said. “Her mother made her memorize the Jedalar. I’m sure she would have given her exact directions as to how to reach the other half of the puzzle.”

“It is very cold.” He cast Jordan a sly glance. “But we have seen no sign of wolves. That is good. They get very hungry during the winter.”

“Be quiet, Gregor.”

“I am only trying to protect the Jedalar.”

“I know exactly what you’re doing.”

“Wolves have sharp teeth and strong jaws that can destroy flesh and bone with one crunch. Just think what they could do with our precious glass panel. Perhaps you should send Niko ahead to keep her in sight.”

“I don’t want her to know we’re following her.”

“It is worth the risk. She is probably concentrating too much on an empty belly and keeping alive to look behind her.”

Jordan muttered a curse.

Wolves have sharp teeth.…

They had seen no wolves, dammit.

… and strong jaws that can destroy-

“Niko, go ahead,” he snapped. “Keep her in view, but don’t let yourself be seen.”

She has run out of food,” Niko said. “There was enough grass for the horse to graze today, but she made nothing to eat for herself when she camped last night.”

“She will probably come to a village soon.” Gregor bit into the tender piece of roasted rabbit. “And she has plenty of flesh on her bones. A few days without eating will not hurt her.” He pulled off a piece of meat from the spit and extended it to Jordan. “Have some more. There is plenty. The hunting was good today, and we still have six fine rabbits for tomorrow. There’s nothing like a full belly to make you sleep well.”

The bastard expected him to refuse. He took the piece of meat and ate it. Then he took another piece and ate that too.

“She is hungry.” Niko’s tone was laden with reproach.

“What do you expect me to do?” Jordan asked in frustration. “Go and deliver her supper to her so that she’ll know she’s being followed? We’re too close, dammit. She should be in Moscow in another week.”

“Yes, let her eat then. It is good for a woman to suffer,” Gregor said. “It humbles them and makes them aware of the sins they commit against us poor men. Is that not right, Jordan?”

Jordan gazed directly at Gregor and said with precision, “Quite right.” He got to his feet and stalked away from the campfire. He was sick of both of them and sick unto death of this long journey. He wanted it over.