“I had the flu. We all had it at the apartment,” Claire lied to her, not ready to tell her the truth. She couldn’t put the horror of it all into words.
Her mother had put up a tree in the living room, as she always did, and her father complained that it was a fire hazard. Claire had no idea how she was going to get through the four days she planned to be there.
“How’s George?” her mother asked with a gentle smile as she watched Claire unpack. This time she had brought very little, and seemed to be living in jeans and black sweaters. She was in some kind of mourning, for George, and her heart, which had died.
“He’s fine,” she said vaguely, pretending to look for something in her suitcase so her mother didn’t see her face.
“What did he give you for Christmas?” A kick in the teeth was the only answer she could think of, as she continued to dig through her suitcase. Sarah had been wondering if he would give Claire an engagement ring, or maybe he was waiting for New Year’s, which Claire had originally said she’d be spending with him.
“A purse” was the insane response that came to mind as she turned to face her mother. “I hate to do this to you, Mom, but it’s three hours later for me, and I’m still tired after the flu. Would you mind terribly if I go to bed?” She knew her mother counted on her for company when she was home, but she just couldn’t do it tonight. And she still had Christmas Eve and Day to get through.
“Of course not, dear. We can talk tomorrow. Would you like a cup of herbal tea?” Her mother was always so sweet to her that Claire felt terrible shutting her out, but she needed to be alone, just for tonight.
“I’m fine.” Claire gave her a fierce hug, and a minute later her mother left to go back to her own room, to read as she did every night. And twenty minutes after that, Claire was sound asleep.
She helped her mother bake cookies the next day, and watched her prepare the turkey and stuffing and put it in the oven. Claire set the table for her, and Sarah had decorated a beautiful Christmas table for the three of them, as she always did. And afterward the two women would go to midnight mass, at Grace Cathedral. Claire’s father hadn’t gone with them in years.
It was cold when they came down the steps of the cathedral across from Huntington Park, with brightly colored lights hung in the trees, and Claire tucked a hand into her mother’s arm as they looked at it for a minute. Sarah didn’t ask her anything, but she could sense that something was very wrong, and she had seen Claire wipe away tears during the service. They got into the car to drive home, and Claire was very quiet.
“Thank you for coming out here,” Sarah said softly, as they pulled up in front of their garage. “I know it’s not fun for you.”
“I like being with you, Mom,” Claire said honestly. That much was true, and then she couldn’t lie to her anymore. She turned to her mother in the car. “George dumped me, and I got fired. I didn’t want to tell you on the phone, and I’m sorry to tell you now.” Her mother silently put her arms around her and held her as she cried.
“I’m so sorry,” she said soothingly. She didn’t ask what happened. It didn’t make any difference. The end result was all that mattered, and her daughter’s broken heart. “I’m so sorry.”
“Yeah, me too,” she said to her mother, as she pulled away and smiled through her tears. “He said he’s a lone wolf. But he’s the one who rushed into everything, and acted like we’d been together for years. He scared the shit out of himself, and then he ran away.”
“Do you think he’ll calm down and come back?”
“Not a chance.” She was bracing herself to see his name any day, linked with someone else, on Page Six. She knew it would happen sooner or later. He was finished with her, and she didn’t want to give herself or her mother false hope. His text had made it clear. “And Walter is an asshole, and I hate his shoes.” She laughed and blew her nose in a tissue her mother handed her, and this time Sarah laughed too.
“Even I wouldn’t wear them at my age,” she said to Claire, and they both chuckled.
“I’ll start sending my résumé out after New Year’s. Something will turn up.” And she had the credentials to design more than just shoes. Footwear was her strong suit and her passion, but she was willing to design clothes too, and had the training for it from Parsons. “I’m sorry to tell you all this tonight. I was going to wait until after Christmas.” But she was relieved that she had told her now. Her mother was always so comforting and positive. She was suddenly happy to be home, with her broken heart. “Don’t worry about me, Mom. I’ll find a job.” She didn’t want her mother to think she was going to be a burden on them. At twenty-eight, she wanted to stand on her own two feet. And her parents didn’t have the money to help her. She expected nothing from them, except her mother’s love. “And could you do me a favor, and don’t tell Dad until after I leave? I don’t want to hear about it from him.” Sarah nodded, she understood.
They went into the house then and had a cup of chamomile tea in the kitchen. Claire’s father had gone to bed, and the house was quiet as the two women sat talking. Sarah was looking pensive, thinking of what Claire had shared with her, and a little while later, they went to bed.
In the morning, Claire and her mother exchanged gifts sitting next to the tree. Sarah loved the Chanel bag and was touched by what it must have cost her, especially now. And Claire gave her father his sweater when he got up. He actually liked it and thanked her for it, and everyone was in a good mood.
Claire went into her room then, and sent e-mails to her roommates, wishing them a merry Christmas, and as she turned the computer off, her mother walked into the room, and quietly shut the door behind her, and then sat down on her daughter’s bed. She looked as though she had something important to say. She had thought about it all night.
“Is something wrong?” Claire was instantly worried, but her mother shook her head.
“No, there’s something I want to share with you that I’ve never told anyone. You know, I’ve been doing a lot of small decorating jobs for years. Your father never knew about most of them, but it gave me money for you for school, and some pocket money. Well, I did some bigger jobs too, and I’ve been putting the money away for many years.” Claire could see where her mother was going, and she shook her head.
“I don’t want money from you, Mom. I have a little saved up, and I can live on that and my unemployment until I find another job. I’m going to see a headhunter when I get back. I want you to keep your money for you.”
“I want you to hear me out,” she said with a determined look. “I have more than you think put aside. No one knows about it, except you and me now. I have an idea. I’d like to invest that money in a small shoe company. I know how to run an interior design business, and shoes can’t be that different. We could start very small, on a tight budget. And you could design the shoes you want to. If we’re successful, you can pay me back one day. But I don’t expect that. I’d like to be partners with you.” Claire was looking at her in amazement, and then her mother stunned her further. “I could come to New York for a few months, maybe even six months or a year, and help you get it off the ground. I could stay with you, if that’s all right with you and the other girls, and we could work on it together.” She told her then how much she had put aside, and Claire nearly fell off the bed. It was more than enough to get a small shoe company off the ground. She knew the figures of Walter’s business, and her mother had more than that. And with that much to capitalize the venture, they could get a loan if they needed more.
“What about Dad?” She couldn’t imagine her leaving him for as long as she said.
Sarah hesitated before she answered. “I think it’s time for me to go back to New York and take my life back. I’ve been thinking about it for a while. This would be a perfect opportunity for both of us.” She smiled at Claire, who came over to hug her fiercely.
“You are unbelievable, Mom. And I’d love to have you stay with me, if you don’t mind sharing a bed. I’ll ask the others, but I’m certain they’ll say yes. But are you sure? That’s a big step for you to take.” She had been in San Francisco for thirty years, and unhappy for a long time, and she wanted to do something before it was too late. And if she could help her daughter in the process, it felt like the right decision to her. She had no doubts.
“It’s time for your father to look at his own life, and figure out what he wants to do, before he’s too old to enjoy himself. And if he doesn’t want to, that’s up to him.” She looked sad as she said it, but smiled at Claire.
“Holy shit, Mom.” Claire was grinning at her. “I can’t believe you’d do this for me.”
“Who else would I do it for? You’re my only child.” Sarah was beaming, and so was Claire as they hugged each other again. It was a plan.
“You know, we could use the same factory Walter does in Italy. They do great work, and they’re reasonable. We could try Brazil, but I like the finish work better in Italy.” Claire’s mind was already racing ahead. Her mother had just turned the worst Christmas of her life into a hopeful one. She was going to start her own shoe business, and she was going to do everything she had to to make it a success. And then Claire was serious again. “When are you going to tell Dad?”
“After you leave. You don’t need to be part of that. I’m going to tell him that we’re starting a business together. He doesn’t need to know where the money comes from. And I intend to tell him I was leaving him anyway. I don’t want you getting blamed for it. And it’s true. I was going to tell you before you left that I’m leaving him. It’s long overdue.”
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