Philippa Carr - The Adulteress

“Be silent.”

“All right,” he said. “You wouldn’t want it known, I know. You managed it all very well. I admired you for that, Zipporah. But I knew all about it. I have always been observant and made use of that. I have my spies posted in convenient places.”

I thought: Evalina, of course! She must have seen him climbing into my room … perhaps she saw his leaving. But she knew and she passed the information on to where it could do me most harm.

“Nor is that all. You are deep, dear Zipporah. Why, you are a sinner such as I am. My heart goes out to you. You are not the sort of woman to accept meekly what fate deals out. You make life your own way. Now that is something I greatly admire. But we have to pay for our little adventures, don’t we? I know about you and the doctor, Zipporah. You would like that to be nice and respectable now. It is best with the medical profession … particularly when there have been unpleasant rumors in the past. Oh yes, I made it my business to learn about your doctor and his mad wife. … He was lucky to get through that. But he is another like us. He does not let life take charge of him. He’s a very worthy fellow … running a hospital for fallen women and the like … a philanthropist, no less. And then he falls in love. Poor Jean-Louis is in the way, but Jean-Louis is very sick. He needs the doctor’s ministrations, and one day he dies. Poor Jean-Louis! He died of heart failure, says the doctor. Now I have a strong suspicion that he died of an overdose of laudanum.”

I had turned very pale. He looked so evil standing there smiling at me.

“This is a ridiculous conjecture,” I stammered.

“Well, I daresay it could be proved, could it not? I think they can tell these things. They’re very clever, you know.”

“Do you mean to say you … you … would … ?”

“I am a very determined man, Zipporah. I want to marry Lottie and I want Eversleigh. It’s true that you could stand in my way. All I am doing is point out to you the foolhardiness of doing so.”

“It’s blackmail,” I said.

“It’s getting what I want. I intend always to do that, Zipporah.”

I turned away, too sick at heart, too frightened to speak.

Jean-Louis had killed himself—but I had not stood in his way. It was what he had wanted. Should I have stopped him? And if I had then would he not have tried again? I could have put the key somewhere else.

No, I thought, a person in Jean-Louis’s position should have the right to decide. Months, perhaps years of pain stretched out ahead of him and he had decided to end his life.

Because that meant giving me a glimpse of future happiness had I been to blame?

There were times when I called myself murderess as well as adulteress.

And there was Dickon smiling that cold insolent smile … putting all his cards on the table … his aces, which he would play with relish and ruin us … most of all Charles.

Charles could not afford to be involved in further scandal. It would finish his career as a doctor.

And I … how could I prove that Jean-Louis had taken the extra dose himself?

Dickon stood up and put his hand on my arm.

“Think about it, Zipporah,” he said. “I’d be a good son-in-law. You’d be surprised how good. I’ve always been fond of you. … You mustn’t stand in our way, though … and now I shall go and break the good news to Lottie that I am here.”

I did not know how to act. I could not bear to tell Charles what had happened. I did not know what action he would take. I felt he might say, “Let him do his worst. Let us tell Lottie everything and let her decide what sort of man this is she plans to marry.”

Lottie was a child. I could not believe that her feelings were very deeply involved as yet. But what could I do?

An idea came to me. Suppose she went right away … suppose she saw an entirely new world? Would such a prospect be attractive enough to take her away from Dickon?

It was a chance. It was something I had wanted to do for a long time.

In fact ever since I had thought of marrying Charles I had wanted to do this.

I went to the little ebony box which I always kept locked. I opened it and took out a small piece of paper.

Written on it were the words Gerard d’Aubigné, Chateau d’Aubigné, Eure, France.

I held it in my hands for a long time and I seemed to see his face smiling at me.

Would he remember? I was sure he would. He had sworn he would never forget but perhaps such vows came easily to men like him.

This was a flimsy straw. It was all I had. I clung to it. I picked up a pen and started to write, and as I did so … it all came back … the first meeting on the haunted patch, the headlong rush to passion.

“There was a child,” I wrote. “A daughter … a delightful girl. She is in some danger now. … If you would invite her to your chateau, I would perhaps get her to come to see you. I am sure she would wish to see her father. …”

I sealed the letter.

Old Jethro’s grandson was a good boy, an adventurous boy. I could trust him, I was sure.

I sent for him and told him that I wanted him to leave as soon as he could for France. It was a secret mission so he was not to tell anyone where he was going.

He was to hand this letter to a certain Gerard d’Aubigné and to no one else. If he could not find him or learned that he was out of France or dead, he was to come straight back to me with the letter.

Jethro’s grandson’s eyes sparkled at the prospect of carrying out the mission. As I said, he was a boy who dreamed of great adventures.

He was here in the house. Dickon the destroyer.

I hated him, because I could see that he held our destinies in his hands. Whichever way I turned I knew that we could not stand out against him.

I could for myself. I would defy him. But what of Charles? Suppose they discovered that Jean-Louis had died from an excess of the drug? Charles had said he had died of heart failure. He would be ruined. Old scandals would be revived. It would be remembered that he had prescribed that which killed his wife and child.

As for myself … I would stand exposed, adulteress and perhaps murderess. I would face all that to save Lottie … but should I save her? I could not do this to Charles.

I had to see him.

I rode into town and was relieved to find him there.

He listened in shocked silence to what I had to tell him.

“That fiend knows everything,” he said.

“He admits to having his spies. Someone must have seen us together … and told him. Evalina! You remember that day in the woods. It might even have been Hetty. She was under his spell in a way, I believe. … One can never be sure with Dickon. He has a sort of evil power. Lottie’s life will be ruined if she marries him. All he wants is Eversleigh. She would never understand his ways. He would break her heart. Charles, what can we do?”

He said: “We can stand up and face everything.”

“They will say we killed Jean-Louis. We shall never be able to explain. Your career will be at an end. You will never be allowed to practice again.”

“It would be the end … for both of us, Zipporah,” he said. “Murder … yes, they would say it was murder.”

“I could have stopped him,” I said. “I will take the blame. It is mine. I should have stopped him.”

“You knew how he suffered.”

“But I let him do that. I knew what he was doing … and I let him.”

“Because you knew it was his wish.”

“Oh, Charles, what are we to do?”

“I don’t know. We have to think. We must not act rashly.”

“I have done something, Charles. I have written to Lottie’s father. I have asked him to invite her there to see him. When I hear from him I shall send her to him. That will take her away … for a while. New impressions … I was thinking …”

“It might help. Who can say? In the meantime …”

“Yes,” I said, “in the meantime …”

“We can only wait.”

He kissed me tenderly.

“Perhaps it will come right in the end. Do you think it will, Zipporah?”

“Yes,” I said, “if we let it … perhaps it will. We shall have to forget so much.”

I saw his tortured face, then he said: “I don’t think I ever could be at peace remembering. You see, Dorinda so much wanted to live. Jean-Louis wanted to die.”

Then he held me against him. We clung together. We were both afraid to look too far ahead.

I rode slowly back to the house. It was deserted. There seemed to be an unnatural quiet everywhere. I went to my room and as I glanced out of the window I saw that there was a strange glow in the sky.

I ran toward it.

Fire. In the distance, I saw the billowing smoke and the flames shooting up.

I wondered where it could be.

I went downstairs. I saw one of the older women servants in the hall.

I said: “There’s a fire somewhere.”

“Yes,” she said. “It’s the hospital. They’m all gone over to lend a hand.”

I ran out into the stables.

Within a short while I was riding hard for the hospital.

I COULD NOT BELIEVE that this dreadful thing had happened. It had come so suddenly, so unexpectedly, shattering our lives.

Charles had died a hero’s death. He had died rescuing women and children from his hospital. He had saved several lives and that would be the greatest compensation to him. I could only hope that he was happy now.

The Forsters took me back to Enderby. We mourned together. Everything forgotten but our loss. I think they had known how it was with Charles and me and they were pleased because I had brought some happiness into his life.