Sophie Jordan - Tease

I had never said them before either. Not those words. Not to my mother when I told her. Not to Shaw. Not even to myself. But that’s what had happened. I’d used other words.

He had bothered me. Or messed with me. Gentle euphemisms.

He tried to rape me.

I felt everyone’s eyes on me, exposing me, pulling me apart, revealing everything inside.

I staggered back several steps, suddenly feeling lighter. As if those five little words had been anchors on my soul and now they were gone.

Justin jabbed a finger in my direction. “You fucking little liar!”

I winced.

There were no more words after that. One moment Shaw was standing still and then he was a blur, going after Justin. His arm pulled back, fist connecting with Justin’s face with a sickening smack of bone on bone.

“Shaw, no!”

He ignored me and struck him again, shaking off the hands of the hotel employees as they grabbed for him.

“Stop it! Stop it!” I clutched my face, covering my ears as if I could drown out the sound of Shaw’s knuckles connecting with Justin’s face.

Justin went down. Mom screamed. The crowd parted wide. Shaw stepped over him, his feet splayed wide on either side of his prostrate body. Shaw reached for Justin, pulling him back up to his feet for more, but I was done. Justin’s ugly words, Mom’s disgusted glare. I felt like I was fifteen all over again.

I’d had enough. Shaking and wrecked, I could feel only those stares. Everyone gawking at me like I was something dirty. No way was I sticking around to watch him beat my stepbrother to a bloody pulp. That would be just the cherry on top of a craptastic night.

Turning, I fled the ballroom, barely stopping to grab my coat. My heels clicked on the outside sidewalk in a flurry as I hurried toward the parking lot. My shaking fingers fumbled over the front buttons of my coat.

“Emerson!”

A quick glance behind revealed Shaw running down the sidewalk.

Shaking my head, I turned and ran. I didn’t care how undignified I looked.

“Emerson!”

The sound of his voice was close behind me, and I choked on the realization that I wasn’t going to outrun him.

His hand fell on my arm. Emotion scalded my throat, bursting free as he spun me around.

“How dare you?” I whispered, wrenching my arm wide. “You shouldn’t have come! I didn’t want to announce to a roomful of strangers what they did to me!” Because it had always been what they did to me. Not just Justin. But Mom, too. Mom’s betrayal had been maybe the worst of all. It still was. “And I didn’t need you beating up Justin and causing a scene! What did that prove? You shouldn’t even have come here. I could have handled this on my own. I didn’t need you! I don’t need you!”

“But I need you, damnit,” he growled, his dark eyes searching, digging deep and threatening to take hold of me if I let him. I shook my head and slid a step back, as if distance would protect me. He followed. “And I want you to need me.” He took my face in his hands, hauling me against him, dropping his forehead to mine, muttering against my lips, “I couldn’t let him talk to you like that. You might be okay with them treating you that way, but I couldn’t let them—”

“Don’t! This wasn’t about you!” I fought the urge to sneak my arms around his neck. “What are you even doing here?”

“You think once I figured out you were here that I would just wait at home . . . do nothing while you’re in the same room with some guy who tried to rape you—”

“Stop saying that!” I wedged my arms between us and shoved him away with a grunt.

He angled his head, eyes softening as he gazed at me. “It’s the truth, Em.”

“You don’t think I know that?” Tears sprang loose, streaking hotly down my face. “I just announced it to everyone! It’s out!” I lifted my face and gulped in air, waving to the hotel. “Two hundred people know that now, thanks to you!”

“Me?”

“Yes, you! I wouldn’t have blurted it out like that if you hadn’t shown up. If I hadn’t gotten so mad when Justin called you trash.” I wouldn’t even have come tonight at all if it wasn’t for Shaw. If I hadn’t gotten it into my head that I needed to stop running. That I needed to stop hiding. That I could confront my past and be brave like Shaw.

He stuffed a hand in his pocket, and I realized then that he was without a coat. He had to be freezing standing there, but he didn’t so much as shiver. He just stared at me, his expression stoic. “Is that it? You’re mad at me because I forced you to face the thing you’ve been running from forever?”

“Yes! N-no!” I looked up at the winter sky as if I would find something, some truth or answer, in the dark gray clouds scudding against the darker night. Nothing.

He was right. He’d shaken me loose from my self-imposed cocoon. Since I met him, all the old hurts had returned. The fears. I shouldn’t have come here tonight. Letting him in had been a mistake.

I lowered my gaze back down to him. He waited, staring silently, his eyes so full . . . so judging. That’s what I felt at least. Exposed and raw. Like he could see me and what he saw was something broken. Something that needed fixing.

“You can’t fix me. This wasn’t your fight,” I whispered.

“Your fight is my fight. What hurts my girlfriend hurts—”

“No. I took several sliding steps backward, shaking my head. “I’m not your girlfriend.” I shrugged. “I’m not.”

I watched him for several more moments, absorbing the sight of his face as my words sank in. His eyes seemed to dim. “You’re scared,” he said quietly.

“Scared?” I scoffed. “Of what?”

“Of anything real. And what we have is real. You love me and it terrifies you.”

“I don’t love you,” I lied.

He grabbed my face then, dragging me closer with both hands. “You love me. I know you do. I know it because I can see it in your eyes . . . in the way you look at me.” He inhaled. “It’s the same way I look at you.”

“No,” I bit out. I couldn’t be so transparent. Love was pain. It was being out of control. Like the hot mess of tonight.

He kissed me. Hard. I struggled for a moment before relenting and kissing him back. I couldn’t resist. He had that effect on me. He turned my brain to mush and made all my girl parts tingle. His mouth softened then, turning coaxing and sweet. His tongue traced the seam of my lips and I gave myself a mental shake. Seizing control again, I pushed him away.

My chest heaved with gasping breaths that fogged the air in front of me. I stared at him for a long moment before tucking my shaking hands into my front pockets.

“I want you,” he said starkly, the barest quiver in his hoarse voice. “Me and you. Together.” He drew in a deep breath, his broad chest lifting. “But I can’t chase you forever.”

I nodded in understanding. It was an ultimatum. Fair, but an ultimatum nonetheless. After tonight, I couldn’t even contemplate it. It was all too much right now.

Without a backward glance, I walked away.

THE NEXT TWO DAYS passed in a blur. Georgia and Pepper watched me with worried eyes. I ignored their questions, sleeping through most of Saturday and then watching mindless television on Sunday. I checked my phone, but it didn’t matter. He didn’t call.

That night played itself out over and over in my mind and every time made me sink a little deeper into my bed, made my legs curl up a little tighter into my chest. I’d walked away from him. And he was done coming after me. I chose safety. And control.

So why did I feel so wrecked?

Pepper and Georgia marched into the room Sunday evening, flipping on the light, a bag of what smelled like nachos gripped in Georgia’s hands. “You need to eat,” she declared.

“And we need to know what’s going on,” Pepper added.

I sat up slowly. “What is this? An intervention?”

“Call it whatever you want.” Georgia started pulling boxes from the bag. “I got your favorites. Fajitas nachos. Guacamole on the side.”

“Wow,” I murmured. “Carbs.”

“For you, I’ll splurge. Especially if it gets you talking.”

I smiled and it actually didn’t hurt too much. “Bribery. You guys didn’t have to do this.”

“Of course we did.”

I stared at Georgia, humbled. She had just been dumped by her boyfriend of five years. Her first love. Her only love. I couldn’t imagine how she must be feeling. “You’re an incredible friend, Georgia. We should be taking care of you—”

“I’ve grieved enough,” she said with a wave of her hand. “No more tears for me.” We dispersed cartons of nachos and small cups of hot sauce, settling into our respective spots. Me on my bed. Georgia and Pepper on the other one. Mine was too littered with pillows and clothing.

Pepper wasted little time. “So. The rehearsal dinner. How’d it go?”

“Oh. About as bad as it could have gone. But the highlight might have been Shaw beating the crap out of my stepbrother.”

“What?” Georgia tossed down a nacho and leaned forward over her carton. “Why?”

I stared at my friends and sighed. It was time. Maybe it had been time a long time ago, but the fact that I had already outed myself to a roomful of strangers made this moment easier somehow. They deserved to know. I loved them and they deserved the truth.

They watched me solemnly, as though they knew I was reaching some decision.

Opening my mouth, I told them. Everything poured out. They didn’t say a word. They listened as I told them about my mother. And Justin. And Melanie. Everything leading up to Friday night. And then I told them about the rehearsal dinner. With wide eyes they listened as I described it. Including Shaw showing up.