K. Linde - Take Me for Granted

“Are you okay?” she asked, her tits pressing into my arm.

“Fine. Just got a show tonight,” I said, passing her my beer without thinking.

I walked away to find Miller. Ari wasn’t supposed to be at the show until we started performing, so I couldn’t even fucking ask her what was going on. That wasn’t something I could do through a text message.

“You ready to go?” Miller asked when I finally found him outside.

“Yeah.”

“You look completely fucked-up. Are you even going to be able to play?” He sounded furious.

“Bro, lay off. I can fucking play this set blindfolded, high as a kite.”

Miller shook his head. “Well, you can’t sing with this in your mouth.” He took the cigarette from me and stubbed it out under his foot. “And if you don’t get your head out of your ass about the shit Vin said, then I’m going to fucking cancel tonight.”

“You can’t fucking cancel!”

“I can do whatever the fuck I want! I book the shows. I write the songs. I keep your dumbasses in line. You have feelings for Aribel. She’s fucking knocked some humanity into you. Don’t let Vin convince you that’s a bad thing. That would make you even more of a fucking idiot than you already are, and I don’t want to see what that would do to my best friend.”

“I think she’s seeing someone else,” I confided.

“Fuck. You sure? You talked to her about this?”

“Nah, man.”

Miller glared at me. “You fuck this up for no good reason, and you’ll regret it. Play our set, and then talk to your fucking girl.”

I was running late. Gah! I hated being late to anything. I’d barely even seen Grant this week since I’d been back in town. Now, I was showing up late to the last ContraBand show of the semester. Sure, I would get to see him perform again in a week, but this felt different.

Cheyenne, Shelby, and Gabi had left for the show an hour ago, but I’d had to finish my calculus assignment that was due on Monday, so I could spend all day tomorrow studying for chemistry. I was clearly a shit girlfriend.

Grant’s dog tags clattered around my neck as I jogged across the parking lot and into The Ivy League. Just by catching a few chords, I knew that they were already on the third or fourth song. I eased my way through the crowd, using Cheyenne’s bright red hair as a guide.

“Sorry,” I said when I finally reached her.

“You missed ‘Hemorrhage,’” she shouted over the cheers.

I shrugged apologetically. “But at least the homework is done.”

“You’re insane.”

Like Cheyenne is one to talk.

I turned my attention away from my friends. There were more important things to look at. When I glanced up at Grant, he was staring right at me. His gaze burned through me like a firecracker igniting every inch of my body. I flushed at the intensity, but I didn’t dare look away. There was something in his posture, in his stare, that was stripping me bare.

Being without him for a week had been a bit like suffocating. Going home to see my family had made me realize that I’d been living in a bubble. I loved my parents and my brother, Aaron, but the world was more than the kind of job I had, the kind of car I drove, and how big my house was. I’d felt stuffy and restricted in the world I’d always felt most comfortable in.

Maybe I wasn’t part of Grant’s world—a world run by how high someone could get on the next adrenaline rush—but I wasn’t part of mine either. I’d never thought I’d be comfortable in a middle ground, not that I’d ever even given myself an option.

Grant ended the set, and then without a backward glance, he stormed offstage with his guitar still slung over his shoulder. Odd. He was never careless with equipment and certainly not his baby.

“What’s up with him?” Shelby asked. “He didn’t seem into that at all.”

“What?”

He’d seemed into me, but now that I was thinking about it, Grant hadn’t been invested in the crowd like he normally was.

“Your boy looked fucked out of his mind,” Cheyenne said. “I wonder what he’s on.”

“He’s probably just had a few drinks.”

“More like a bottle to drink, if not something harder,” Cheyenne said.

Hmm…well, only one way to find out. “I’ll meet up with you guys later,” I told them before making my way to the stairs on the side of the stage.

I hopped up to the top and then was stopped by solid muscle.

“Band only, sweetheart,” Vin said.

“Oh, Vin, it’s just me, Aribel,” I said with a smile.

Vin shrugged, ignoring me. What the…

“Vin, let her through,” Miller said, shaking his head.

“Fine.”

Vin stepped aside, and I darted past him. I didn’t know what that had been all about, but I was too focused on Grant to care.

No one was standing around in the backstage hallway.

I walked down to the break room and knocked on the closed door. “Grant, are you in there?”

No answer. Huh. Maybe he’d had to go to the restroom or he’d gone outside for some cool air. I knocked again just to be sure. “Grant!”

The door swung open. “Get in here,” he growled.

I jerked at his tone. What the hell is wrong with him? And why did he look so angry? Did I misinterpret what he had been feeling while onstage?

“Ari, now.”

The way he’d said that made me want to plant my feet on the ground, grit my teeth, and act as stubborn as possible. “Don’t order me around.”

“I don’t have time for your shit right now, Ari. Get inside. We need to talk.”

My heart sank, and my stomach dropped out of my body. Every thought I’d had up until this moment flitted out of my head. We need to talk. I’d heard that before. Is he going to break up with me? Had our time apart been the time he needed to see that this was a mistake? I’d always been strangely detached from my relationships, especially from my breakups, but just the thought of Grant leaving me made me feel like I was being fed through a meat grinder.

I struggled for that neutrality, for a shred of my indifference. I wanted that desperately because when he broke my heart, I wouldn’t be able to walk away with a feeling of disappointment that he’d looked good on paper or filled a checklist. I would walk away shattered, destroyed, and empty, knowing I’d given him a piece of myself that I’d never known I could give. In turn, I’d let him fucking own me in every way that I ever found important. My body was just a vessel, but my mind, my soul…he’d taken over those, and frankly, I didn’t want them back.

Somehow, I made it into the cramped break room, and Grant closed the door.

“What do we need to talk about?” I knew I sounded anxious. I was anxious.

Grant was staring at me with that same power he’d had onstage, but now, I saw what the girls had been saying. He was definitely drunk, if not high, and he looked pissed.

“You know what this is about.”

“Don’t play games with me, Grant. Say what you have to say.” If you want to break up with me, do it already.

“You’ve been seeing someone else, Princess? You been with that ex of yours?” he growled.

I was so blindsided by his comment that I just laughed. I shouldn’t have. It clearly just made him angrier, but it was such a ludicrous suggestion that there was nothing else for me to do.

“This isn’t fucking funny!”

“You think I’m cheating on you?” I covered my mouth with my hand to keep from laughing again. “Dear Lord, please explain to me how it makes sense that I would be cheating on you, the self-proclaimed manwhore.”

“What? Because you’re a virgin, you can’t be seeing someone else?” he asked.

“God, how drunk are you?”

“Just answer me straight, Princess.”

“No, Grant. I don’t remember the last time I saw my ex. Actually, I might have been with you. Why do you think I’m seeing someone else? Have I ever made you think that?”

Grant rubbed his hands over his eyes. “I don’t know.”

“You don’t know? Or no?” I prompted. He better be messing with me.

“I don’t fucking know, Ari! Someone told me that she sees you with your ex all the time. What am I supposed to think?”

“Who told you that?”

“I don’t know. Some girl.”

“So, you just believe some strange girl who is probably trying to get in your pants instead of me?” I asked in disbelief. “Did I miss the part where I became your girlfriend?”

Grant cleared the distance between us in a second. He grabbed my shoulders roughly and stared down into my eyes as if he was trying to find the truth buried within. I’d never lied to him, and I didn’t want anyone else. I knew it was crazy. I knew we didn’t really make sense, but I wouldn’t have it any other way.

“You’re mine?”

“I’m your girlfriend.”

“No, Ari, you’re fucking mine.”

It wasn’t a question, and I didn’t have to respond. Nothing else was truer in that moment.

The next week was hell for Ari during finals. I barely saw her, but at least I had the ski trip to look forward to. Vin and I worked out everything that had happened between us. He’d admitted that he wasn’t actually pissed that I’d found a girl, but it kind of sucked that he no longer had a wingman. If I wasn’t chasing ass, then he was kind of fucked over in that department. There wasn’t much I could do there, but it helped knowing what was up. And maybe I hadn’t changed, but the thought of Ari with someone else had knocked the nonsense out of me.