He didn’t know. I guess he hadn’t figured it out after all. “This is my first time.”

Grant’s eyes snapped closed and he let out a muttered curse. Did he not like to do it with virgins? Was that a bad thing? I wanted to put some distance between us. For the first time, I felt vulnerable.

He opened his eyes and stared down at me. The tenderness in them took me off guard. He tucked his head into the curve of my neck and shoulder and drew a deep breath. I waited silently.

“You chose me” was all he said. His warm breath against my skin made me shiver, and his body mimicked mine. He pulled back and looked at me. “I will make this good for you. I swear.”

I never doubted that he would. I knew it was going to hurt me at first. I wasn’t an idiot about how this worked. I also knew I probably wouldn’t reach an orgasm this time, but that wasn’t what this was about. I wanted Grant inside me. I wanted to feel closer to him than I had ever been to anyone. That was all I wanted from this.

Grant pressed his lips to mine gently, then lowered his body until I felt the head of his cock pressing against me. It excited me as much as it scared me. I lifted my hips to reassure him and he slid inside me. When he reached the barrier his eyes locked on mine as he rocked his hips in one swift thrust. I didn’t cry from the pain—it was only a burn. He had slid completely inside me and gone still.

“You’re so fucking tight,” he said in a hoarse groan. “Damn. It feels like,” he panted and ducked his head and took a deep breath, “a hot satin glove squeezing me just right. God, baby.”

I wasn’t sure what all that meant, but the way he was panting above me sounded like this felt good to him. It was more than I had expected. I was full. Grant was inside me and I felt complete. I wanted him here.

“I gotta move, but damn, I’m afraid to,” he said as he slowly pulled out of me then sank back inside me. A low sound came from his chest, which sent pleasure coursing through me. Just seeing him in this much pleasure from being inside me was a major turn-on. I spread my knees and he sank deeper into me and let out a curse that sounded like it had been torn from his chest.

My clit throbbed from just hearing his voice. I was climbing toward that release I recognized and it made me want to beg him to move more. Move harder. Each time he filled me he rubbed against my clit and massaged something inside me. I wasn’t sure what it was but it felt so good.

“Fucking amazing,” he groaned before covering my mouth in a ravenous kiss. He had never kissed me like this before. He was losing control the same way I did when he kissed between my legs. I was reaching that point with him. Seeing him react this way was making my body respond in ways I didn’t know it could.

“It feels good now,” I assured him.

He tensed and then moved to lower his head back to the corner of my neck and shoulder. “The pain is completely gone?” he asked with a low, strangled moan.

“Yes,” I replied. The little sting that was still there was smothered by the pleasure.

He lifted himself up and his gaze locked with mine. His neck muscles flexed and stuck out as his jaw went rigid, like he was holding onto something as hard as he could. “This is . . . this is more than . . . ,” he closed his eyes and a pained look came over his face. “I can’t hold out much longer. I’m so close.”

His words were all I needed to send me spiraling off to that place I knew he was sending me. I heard him shout out my name as I screamed his and lifted my hips to meet his last thrust. I wrapped my legs around his waist to keep him there. I wanted to feel each spasm of ecstasy with him inside me. I didn’t want him to move.

I let each cry free as I clung to him.

“Never been that fucking amazing. You’ve ruined me. Fucking ruined me. I can’t not have this,” he said in my ear as he breathed heavily and his body jerked against me.

I agreed. I wanted this. I never imagined that this was what I was missing. I wasn’t about to let this go. I needed more. My fear of the truth was pushed aside. I couldn’t stop this. Not now.

Grant

Present day

If I went upstairs after her, there was a chance that Nan would get out of bed and catch me or overhear us. I wasn’t scared of Nan, but I was scared of what she’d do to Harlow. I was positive Harlow wasn’t here by choice. Nan knew she was here last night when she brought me back. She was playing a game here. There was an ulterior motive, but then there always was with Nan. And I’d walked right fucking into it. Literally.

Kiro wasn’t a fan of Nan and he adored Harlow. I couldn’t imagine why he would send Harlow down here to live with Nan. He owned this house, so I was sure that was the only reason Nan had let Harlow live here. Kiro hadn’t given her an option. There was no guessing there.

“You’re still here? Why?” Nan asked as she walked past me in nothing but a pair of panties that did nothing to cover her ass and a tiny tank top. Once, that had heated my blood. Her body would heat any man’s blood. But not anymore. I was over that. Sex with her was empty. So incredibly empty.

“I was gonna get coffee before I left but I can leave without it,” I said, turning to head to the stairs.

“You can have some damn coffee if you want it. Then leave. I have things to do today,” she called out behind me.

I wasn’t staying here. I’d get Harlow alone, but not here. “No thanks. You’re awake now. It’s time to leave,” I replied.

This was the last time. She thought I was a sex toy she could pull out and play with, and the fact was I had been. But I’d been closing my eyes and pretending like she was someone else. It never felt as good, but it helped me deal.

The guilt had been eating me alive. Leaving Harlow only hours after I had been with her to race home on Slacker Demon’s private jet and face the loss of a friend had broken me. Life was short. It had never been real to me before, but watching Jace lowered into the cold, hard ground had been a wake-up call. How long did we have? Seeing Bethy buckled over, sobbing at his loss, made me realize that kind of pain would be unbearable. She would have to live the rest of her life without him. That was scary as hell.

I had never loved anyone the way she had loved Jace. But I was close . . . I had been falling but then I stepped back. I couldn’t be that open. I couldn’t do that. What if I let myself be completely owned by Harlow? I knew now how easy it would be. She was the one for me. If I let her, she would be the one to own my soul. I couldn’t do it.

Each heart-wrenching sob that had torn from Bethy had been like a bucket of ice water poured over me. I had watched Rush as he held his wife, Blaire, in his arms, and she had cried silently against him. And I’d seen it there on his face. He had given his soul. He was thinking the same thing, but it was too late for him.

He was vulnerable. If he lost her he wouldn’t be able to survive it. She would take every ounce of life in him with her. He couldn’t breathe without her. I’d left that day and drank until the idea of Harlow was numb. The sweet taste of her mouth was a blur, and the way she’d felt when I’d been inside her was a memory.

Harlow scared me. What I felt for her scared me. I had fought going back to her. I had been tormented with the memories of how her smile made my chest swell, and the way she made those innocent little sighs of pleasure. Then that night . . . that one incredible, mind-blowing night. I was afraid I would never be able to wash it away and move on. That was a power I had never allowed anyone to have over me. When Harlow didn’t respond to my calls and her dad warned me to stay away, I finally forced myself to push those memories to the back of my mind. Whiskey helped. When I didn’t have whiskey she was hard to forget. Even with whiskey, I remembered her—it just hurt less.

My need to see her had started to control me, and I had called Dean Finlay to get some help. He had told me that Kiro would have me arrested if I stepped foot on their property. He wasn’t happy with how I had used Harlow. Kiro believed I had slept with Harlow while I was still sleeping with Nan. I tried to explain and defend myself, but Dean had hung up on me.

So I’d drunk even more, because when I was sober the need for her returned. Before, I had done it to deal with Nan’s shit. But now I needed it more. I needed to forget what I’d done to someone so innocent and undeserving. I’d done this for two months. It helped me deal with the loss of Jace, and the taste of something I’d had but destroyed.

After all that . . . Kiro had sent Harlow here. To sit right under my nose without his security and protection. It was confusing as hell.

I reached Nan’s room and the sick feeling in my stomach returned. This felt dirty. Sex for fun had never felt dirty but this . . . it felt fucking disgusting. I hated myself. I grabbed my jeans and jerked them on and slipped my T-shirt over my head before grabbing my boots and shoving my feet into them.

I didn’t tell Nan bye. She didn’t care and I didn’t want to. I just got the hell away from there. I needed to get clean. I wanted to wash her off me. Then I was going to call Harlow. I had to find a way to explain. I just hoped she’d let me.

The sporty little black Audi sitting in the driveway right beside my truck had been a kick in the gut. Why hadn’t I noticed it last night? I should have known someone was here. Too much damn whiskey. That’s why I didn’t notice.

Jerking the keys out of my pocket, I slammed my car door, furious with myself, and cranked the engine. I wouldn’t be drinking today. Or any damn day from here on out. I couldn’t do that anymore. I had to find a way to deal with Harlow being here, and get her to understand why I had backed away.