Abbi Glines - Take a Chance

“Some days I think I’ll wake up and this will have been a nightmare,” she said, still staring down at her glass as if it held all the answers.

I decided the best thing for me to do was stay quiet and let her talk. I was a good listener. I could help her that way.

“But then I wake up and he’s gone. He’s not beside me. He isn’t smiling at me with those pretty eyes of his. I don’t have him to snuggle up to and plan forever with. He was my safe place. I’d never had a safe place before. But Jace had been my safe place. He had taken care of me . . . and I . . . I didn’t deserve him.”

I started to tell her that wasn’t true, but she kept talking.

“He never knew the truth about me. He never knew my secrets. I wanted to tell him everything. But I knew once I did I could lose him, and I couldn’t lose him. Then . . . then Tripp would come home for a visit and I would spiral out of control. The memories, the lies—it all was too much. That night I’d been drinking because I had finally convinced myself to tell Jace the truth. He deserved to know who it was that he loved. And because I was a coward, I drank. And then . . . I killed him.”

I reached across the table and grabbed her hand. “You didn’t kill him,” I assured her. I knew that much. Jace had drowned.

She lifted her eyes to me and the tears pooling in them rolled slowly down her face. “He was out there saving me. I had walked out into the water and almost drowned. It should have been me,” she gulped. “It should have been me. He should have let me go and saved himself, but he wouldn’t do it. He saved me and it should have been me. I was the liar. I was the unworthy one.”

It wasn’t my business. I didn’t know her secrets and I didn’t want to know. But what I did know was Jace would have saved her regardless. Love didn’t just go away because of lies. I loved my dad, and he was very far from perfect.

“He would have saved you even if you had told him these secrets. Love doesn’t just go away. He might have been hurt. He might have even been unable to trust you again. But he would have come after you, because that’s what love does to a person.”

Bethy let out a small sob and covered her mouth. “He deserved life. A full, happy one,” she said once she dropped her hand. “I took that from him.”

I couldn’t help her forgive herself. It would take time.

“But you made a mistake. Jace protected you. Someday you’ll be able to stop blaming yourself. Until then, try to think about all the good things. Don’t dwell on the bad things.”

“But Tripp is in town now. He reminds me. Just seeing him from a distance reminds me.”

I had no idea who Tripp was and why she kept bringing him up. Again, not my business. He was obviously a part of the past that tormented her. “I’m sure a lot of things will remind you of him and the past. In time, it will get easier.”

Bethy closed her eyes tightly. “I hope so,” she whispered.

I didn’t want to leave her here alone. “Why are you here by yourself?” I asked.

She frowned. “I like it. I don’t want to see people. But I think I’m ready to go home tonight.”

I squeezed her hand and pulled my hand back to my side of the table.

“If you ever need someone to listen who isn’t attached to the situation then I’m here,” I told her as I scooted to stand up.

Bethy gave me a weak smile. “Thanks, Harlow. That means a lot.”

Rosemary wasn’t a big town. It was a small strip of beach. So how was it that Harlow had managed to completely avoid me for three days? I had done everything I could think of to run into her. I knew she had Mase here but I still wanted to get her alone so I could talk to her. I needed to find my peace with her.

I stood outside the club, waiting on her to pull up. She had tennis in ten minutes. I had cheated by having Woods call Adam and ask her court time then had him change it for an hour later. He hadn’t been happy about it but he had also wanted me out of his office so he had agreed as long as I left him alone for the rest of the day.

I watched as Harlow pulled her car up to the valet and climbed out in a short white tennis skirt that didn’t help my focus. Tennis skirts weren’t meant to be that damn sexy.

I walked over to open the door for her before one of the staff could. She lifted her eyes and stopped walking when she saw me standing there. I could see the questions in her eyes and I wanted to answer every damn one of them. She just needed to listen.

When she started walking again she kept her head down and attempted to go inside without acknowledging me. I gently wrapped my hand around her arm. “Your court time was postponed an hour today. I need to talk to you. If you will let me talk. I will leave you alone if that’s what you want. I just need you to listen to me first.”

Harlow’s spine was stiff as I spoke quietly in her ear. She didn’t move or respond right away. Finally, she simply nodded.

“Thank you,” I replied. “We need privacy. Will you come to my truck?”

Harlow let out a defeated sigh. “Yes, I guess I will.”

She wasn’t happy about it but she was doing it. I needed to celebrate the small victories.

We walked in silence to the parking lot and I unlocked my truck and opened her door then walked around and climbed in on my side.

“Talk. I’m listening,” she said without looking at me. Her eyes were fixed straight ahead.

“What we did . . . what happened meant something to me.”

Harlow didn’t even flinch.

“When I got the call about Jace I rushed back in a state of shock. Then . . . then I watched as Bethy completely crumbled. At the funeral, she was bent over in so much pain from her loss that it terrified me. She had planned forever with Jace. She had loved him with everything she had and he had been taken from her. She couldn’t get him back.”

Harlow was still staring straight ahead, although I could see the worried frown on her face.

“And all I could think was what if I loved someone that much and I lost them? How could I live? I glanced over at Rush and Blaire. He was holding her while she wept and I wondered how he would even be able to wake up every morning if he lost her. Or if he lost Nate.” I paused and took a deep breath. I was more open than I’d been with anyone about this. I hadn’t even explained it this way to Blaire and Rush. I had held myself back some. I was just laying it all out for Harlow.

“I decided I never wanted to be that vulnerable. I never wanted to love someone that much. I never wanted to face losing the one person that owns me. So, I got drunk. Because I also realized I could easily fall in love with you. In just two short weeks I had begun to care for you. I had feelings I hadn’t experienced before. Not like that, at least. It scared me. I knew you would be the one to own me if I let you. I ran from it. I drank too much whiskey and when Nan showed up I messed up. I should have stayed away from her. But in my head she was the one I thought I was in love with once. I hadn’t been. I realized that after only two weeks with you. I was in lust with Nan. I liked being needed by someone, and Nan needed me. That was all it ever was for us.”

Harlow finally dropped her gaze to her lap as she twisted her hands nervously.

“I never meant to hurt you. Hurting you is the last thing I ever wanted to do. What you gave me I didn’t deserve, but believe me when I tell you I’ll cherish it forever. It meant more to me than you know. But I shouldn’t have taken your innocence that night. I should have been a man and realized I didn’t deserve it and walked away. But you made me weak. It’s one of the things about you that scares me. No one has ever made me weak.”

Finally, Harlow turned her head to look at me. Her hazel eyes no longer looked hard. Instead, I saw understanding there. She simply nodded. “Okay. You’re forgiven.” Then she opened the door and climbed out without another word.

I sat there and tried to let all the emotions that were churning inside me calm down. I didn’t want her to take it so easily and walk away. But I couldn’t give her more. That was it for us. I had explained it and she forgave me. So, we were over now? The ache that came with that reality hurt. I reached up and rubbed my chest and laid my head back on the seat and closed my eyes.

“What did I just do?” I muttered.

A loud knock on my window caused me to jump as I opened my eyes and sat up to see Mase standing there.

I rolled down my window as he pushed his sunglasses up and onto the top of his head.

“What was that about?” he asked.

“I needed to explain some things to her. I had hurt her and I needed to make sure she knew the truth.”

“What was the truth?” Mase asked, his eyes narrowing as he studied me.

“That I wasn’t ready for any kind of commitment and she was the kind of girl you committed yourself to.”

Mase snarled. “Hell yeah, she is, and she’s too good for you. Harlow won’t ever settle for Nan’s seconds. And dude, you’re Nan’s seconds.” He moved his sunglasses back into place and sauntered off to that black truck of his that needed a damn car wash.

As pissed off as I was, he was right. I wasn’t good enough for Harlow. I knew that, dammit. I didn’t need reminding.

Tennis had been just what I needed to get my aggression out. I hadn’t wanted to talk; I had just wanted to hit that stupid little ball for an hour. And I had hit every one of them that Adam had sent my way. When Adam dropped his racquet and threw the ball into the air, caught it, and tucked it into his pocket I knew our hour was up.