But it is to Sophie.

She squeezes my hand as we ascend the stairs.


SOPHIE: I don’t know if I can handle another year of this. I mean, I need this, you know?


She leans against the wall near the entrance. I brush a loose piece of hair from her face. Sophie’s been a nervous wreck since the auditions. I study her and wonder what happened to that super-confident girl who approached me sophomore year and straight-up asked me out. At that point, all I got was glares from the students. Half of them hated me because they thought I was a hack and would recite my infamous Kavalier Kids line, “Anytime a stranger is in need, the Kavalier Kids will be there, indeed!” as I walked down the hallways. The other half despised me for landing every lead role and getting all the press.

But Sophie was the first person to show me an ounce of kindness. She treats me like a normal guy. She’s put up with my crazy schedule, public appearances, and fans (who do not appreciate me having a girlfriend). She was also there for me when I was starting to doubt a lot of things.

It probably started the night of the Inside the Outside premiere — I wasn’t in the movie, but I was invited to decorate the occasion. Not quite Oscar night, but there’s still a red carpet and a long line of reporters to deal with before you’re allowed to take your seat and watch the movie. (Most premieres aren’t even about the movie; it’s about being seen on the red carpet or at the after-party.)

The lights were flashing so quickly, and I could barely focus with the paparazzi screaming my name over and over again. Sophie patiently waited off camera with my publicist, Sheila Marie.

Sophie and I had only been dating a couple months, but she’d been nothing but supportive of everything. In fact, she made me want to go out and do this sort of thing more. It’s a lot less lonely when you have someone to go with … who isn’t your mom.


REPORTER: Carter! Over here!


I headed over to a petite blond reporter for an entertainment program, flashing a smile.


REPORTER: Great to see you here, Carter. How have you enjoyed the transition from child star to high school student? What year are you now?

ME: I’m in the first semester of my sophomore year at the New York City High School of the Creative and Performing Arts. It’s been a really great learning experience not to mention being a ton of fun.

REPORTER: That’s great. Tell us, how do you feel about the recent Gossip Guru article about the Kavalier Kids curse?


I stared at her blankly. I had no idea what she was talking about. I generally ignore those tabloid rags.


REPORTER: Did you really go to school because the roles dried up?


What?


ME: I’m on Our Lives…

REPORTER: Yes, but that’s a soap.


Sheila Marie quickly grabbed me by the arm.


SHEILA MARIE: Interview’s over. He’s got to be inside.


Sheila Marie guided Sophie and me inside to a private corner.


ME: What’s going on? What is she talking about?

SHEILA MARIE: I told them not to bring up that vile article.

ME: What article? What’s going on?

SHEILA MARIE: Your mother thought it would be best if you didn’t see it, but there was this ridiculous article that came out that featured the kids from the series. And, well, not everything has turned out well for you guys. And honestly, you do come off the best, but they …

ME: What did it say?


I felt sick to my stomach. This definitely wasn’t the first time I’d had a negative article about me in the press. It had started after I’d had my first box office dud — I was eleven and being told that my career was over. I was “box office poison” simply because a comedy about me and a talking dog bombed. It wasn’t like I wrote or directed it, but it was my face on the poster, so the studio decided to blame the kid.

But this was different. These were my choices. Yes, I knew that I’d get made fun of for being on a soap, but that was the only thing I could think of that would allow me to still work and go to school.

Sheila Marie pulled up the article on her phone. I started reading about the other actors that I’d worked with — guys I grew up with — who’d been kicked out of school, busted for DUI, arrested for stealing, or had run away. Of course, they didn’t mention the other three guys, who were now just normal high school students.

And then there was me. I got my own box, where they dissected my meteoric rise in one paragraph and then spent the next dozen recounting every small role I’d taken since. They belittled my choice to go to CPA, calling it “desperate,” my “last chance to redeem” myself.

I didn’t believe my own press when I was called the next big thing, but it’s harder when they’re calling you a failure.


SHEILA MARIE: I’m going to call your mom. I’m so sorry — we should’ve told you.

ME: It’s okay. It’s not like I haven’t heard it before.


I walked into the theater and did my best to smile at the other attendees. We were guided to our seats and Sophie offered to sit on the aisle so nobody could bother me. Sheila Marie went off to make a phone call. I knew she didn’t have control over what they said. I wasn’t mad at her. Strangely, I was more mad at myself. Because some of the article rang true. And I could imagine my fellow students reading the article and believing every word.

I may be a former child star and have millions in my bank account, but I’m still a human being.


SOPHIE: Carter …


She took my hand and leaned in so nobody could hear her.


SOPHIE: I know this isn’t the same, but I used to be a big deal back in Brooklyn, before CPA. People actually followed me around the hallways and asked for my autograph at school events. Everybody thought I was going to be a huge star, and so did I. Then I got to CPA and nobody would turn around when I came down a hallway. I wasn’t special, I was normal. It was really hard to take at first. It’s not fun to be called a has-been, but you’ve shined brighter than most people could ever dream of. And honestly, I think that only the best is yet to come. For both of us. You’ve handled it all so well. You’re still a working actor, you’re one of the nicest guys I’ve ever known, and um, a really good kisser.


She smiled and gave me a soft kiss on the cheek.


SOPHIE: At the end of the day, I don’t think I’ve ever met anybody as special and deserving of their dreams as you.


I look at Sophie now. With each passing semester, her confidence gets stripped away. I do my best to comfort her; we both know what it’s like to not be the big star you once were. But lately, she’s become too desperate for the limelight. She’s not the person I fell for, the one who would light up a room simply by entering it. Instead, she walks into a room and takes stock of the competition. Now everything seems like a big battle to her.

I want the old Sophie back.


ME: I have no doubt in my mind that you are going to land a spot.


I wrap my arms around her to try to give her some comfort. She holds on to me tight.


SOPHIE: It’s our last year. I’ve got to start making an impression or … Plus, it isn’t even about making the list, it’s the order, too.


I don’t know what to say. I couldn’t care less about the order. But I know, to her, it’s everything.

She sighs, grabs my hand, and leads me inside the building.


SOPHIE: This is really the first test to see who the lead contenders for the Senior Showcase are. There are ten spots. The first spot is a big deal because that sets the tone. But then spots two through eight are fine. The second to the last is pretty major, but the last spot — that’s the cream of the crop.


I nod like I have any clue what she’s talking about. I know she’s nervous about the lineup and I want to be there for her, but senior year has made me realize that I have my own issues, too. I thought going to high school would give me some sort of sense of who I really am. But it’s just another part I’m playing. And now I’m playing the role of Understanding Boyfriend.

Still, having a girlfriend at school is one of the things that makes me feel normal. Plus, she’s superhot.

It’s not that I don’t want to play the boyfriend role, but I guess there’s no denying there’s been some tension between us lately. She’s become so obsessed with being the biggest star at CPA, it’s getting in the way of our relationship. When she’s not worried about an audition, she’s a ton of fun, and she likes to be out and be seen (something Mom wants me to do for my career — be in papers, online, TV, you name it. Got to stay relevant, I guess). Although sometimes I get the feeling that it’s an act to her, too.


SOPHIE: Did you hear that Zach did a monologue from Richard III?


I groan. I know Sophie, and everybody else for that matter, probably thinks my attitude is because Zachary David is the other lead student in the drama department and we are always competing for roles, but he’s the one who considers me competition, not vice versa. My disgust is over my real nemesis: Shakespeare. That guy kills me. I get why he’s a big deal, I really do. But it’s hard to memorize pages and pages of something that makes zero sense. And did people ever really talk like that?