“Why do I have to be the front man?”

Jack threw his hands up. “Ah, because you’re the lead singer.”

“But that doesn’t mean I have to be the one to always speak?”

Jack looked at Ben and Emme. “Yeah, it does.”

“There are plenty of examples of bands that —”

Jack wouldn’t even let me finish. “We don’t really need a lesson on Rock Groups 101. It makes the most sense and, to be honest, you never freeze up like that when we rehearse.”

“Have you ever thought that maybe it is a little intimidating to have to talk in front of a crowd? How would you like to have all that attention on you?”

“I’d love it.”

“Then you do it.”

“I can’t really warm up the crowd when I’m behind my kit.”

My stomach started to churn. I loved playing, I loved the band, but when I was onstage, I felt self-conscious. All eyes were on me while I sang. I felt this undeniable weight on my shoulders … and a little stupid.

“Emme should be the lead singer.”

Emme finally looked up at me. The expression on her face reminded me of one of those girls in a slasher flick who’s about to be stabbed by a serial killer. “I can’t sing,” she protested.

“You can sing,” I argued. “You just choose not to.” She lowered her head again.

Jack came over and put his hand on my shoulder. “Look, you’re the best singer in the group. If you maybe opened your eyes every once in a while, you’d see that the girls in the audience like what they’re hearing. Don’t even pretend that you haven’t noticed that you’ve gotten more attention since you first sang in the Freshman Focus Showcase. Tell him, Red.”

Emme’s mouth dropped open. “Why would I know if girls have been talking to Ethan? And, um, aren’t we getting a little off track here?”

Thinking back to right after the showcase, I realized I had gotten more attention from girls. Kelsey had become really jealous, but I’d assumed it was from meeting Emme. She never liked the fact that there was a girl in our band, especially after she saw what Emme looked like.

Now there was an uncomfortable silence. I knew everybody was waiting for me to say something, but I couldn’t see how I was supposed to magically become this outgoing person onstage. I didn’t even feel comfortable talking in class, so I was sure the attention I received after the concert was from people who’d thought I was mute.

Jack was glaring at Emme, motioning for her to say something. She let out a deep sigh and stood up.

Her face matched the color of her hair. She closed her eyes and nodded to herself, her lips moving slightly. I tried to not smile; I knew exactly what was going on in her mind. I’d seen her do it a hundred times all semester. Usually she was trying to come up with a new lyric, but I wasn’t sure what was about to come out of her mouth would be music to my ears.

She opened her eyes and approached me. She looked back at Jack and then crouched down so we were at eye level. “Ethan,” she whispered so nobody else could hear, “did I ever tell you what I thought when I first heard you sing?” She didn’t pause, as we both knew the answer to that. “I felt like I heard you for the first time. That your singing voice is your true voice. I was blown away with how strong and warm it is, like I was being wrapped up in a cozy blanket. I could never do what you do, and I don’t know how Sophie does it, either. But the thing is, I get the same feeling when I’m onstage with you that I do when I’m onstage with her. I don’t get as nervous, because we’re in it together and everything will turn out okay.”

She got up and sat back down. Her eyes went back to the floor.

“Okay,” I conceded. “I understand what you’re all saying. I do, and all I can really say is that I’ll work on it.”

“That’s what I’m talking about!” Jack patted me on the back. “We’re in a band, which is supposed to be fun. Plus, it’s a great way to meet hot chicks.” He shot a look at Emme. “No offense.”

Emme sighed and shook her head. “You know, I can always join an all-female group if I’m cramping your style.”

“Aw, come on.” Jack wrapped his arms around her. “I’m just teasing. You know we’d be nothing without you, right, Red?”

“Yeah, yeah,” she said as she pushed him away.

While I wasn’t extremely confident that I’d be able to rise to the occasion onstage, there was one thing that I was one hundred percent sure of:

I would be nothing without Emme.


“Ethan?” I look up to see Emme now, blue highlighter (my color) in her hand.

Jack shakes me. “Wake up, man. It isn’t that painful. Now that I’ve done my time, I’m out of here. I’ll see you guys later!” Jack leaves me alone with Emme.

We haven’t really been alone lately. Not since …

I can tell she realizes it, too, because she gives me a small smile and puts her arm on my elbow. “Everything okay?”

I nod. I don’t think what I’m currently going through would be described as being “okay,” but I don’t know what to say or do around her anymore. I’ve always been a useless dork around girls. Emme was the first girl who I never really felt self-conscious around. She was the first person to talk to me at school. She’s one of my best friends. Actually, she is my best friend.

Yet here I am, standing across from the one person who probably despises me more than anybody. And, believe me, that list is pretty long.

“Listen,” she says softly, giving a quick look around the hallway. “I don’t want you to think … I’m really sorry if I …”

I shake my head. “No, it needed to be said.”

She bites the corner of her lip. Then she opens her mouth slightly and I pray that whatever comes out of her mouth will make me feel better about myself, will silence the voices that have been screaming at me since that day. “Ethan …”

“EMME!” Sophie’s voice blasts through the quiet, and like that, the moment is gone.

She runs over and hugs Emme. I ache when I see how happy this makes Emme. How she can’t see what everybody else sees. That Sophie is just using her.

“How was your first day, Em?” She puts her arm around Emme and doesn’t even bother to acknowledge my existence.

I’m wounded by her neglect.

“Carter told me that you’re going to be in the band for A Little Night Music?”

And here we go.

Emme nods. “Yeah, both me and Ethan.”

“Really?” Sophie looks over at me and forces out a smile. “That’s so great! I’m thinking of auditioning for Desirée.”

Wow, Sophie wants to play the part of a self-absorbed actress? That’ll be a stretch.

“You totally should!” Emme encourages her. Emme always encourages her (or enables her, depending on who you’re asking).

“Really?” Sophie acts surprised. “Do you think you’d help me get ready for the audition?”

Emme looks so happy. “Of course!”

I excuse myself. I’ve watched this play out for so long. Sophie needs Emme. Emme drops everything for Sophie.

I’ve never understood it. But Emme always stands up for Sophie. She’s her best friend after all. (That always stings a little, since I’m the one who has to wipe her tears away whenever Sophie blows her off.)

But Sophie is the reason Emme is at CPA. And as much as it pains me, I will always be grateful to Sophie Jenkins for that one thing.


I’ll be the first to admit that I’m a worrier and that I spend too much time stressing out over stupid things. And that I don’t speak up when I should. But out of all the things that weigh me down on a daily basis, there is one item that I feel the need to finally get off my chest.

I’ve been working up the courage to do it all day. But I forgot about one thing.

Mr. Abs.

Carter’s been watching us rehearse a few new numbers in the recording studio my parents built for me at the Park Avenue apartment (a benefit of being an only child).

He’s a little too enthusiastic after every song. He can’t seem to find another word to use besides awesome.

But everybody in the band is eating it up. Emme keeps smiling at him, Ben is practically throwing himself at him, and Jack is “totally stoked” to have him here.

I’ve decided that I’m finally going to tell Emme how I feel tonight. But I can’t do it with Carter permanently attached to Emme like a barnacle.

She starts to wrap her guitar cord around her arms as we pack up for the night. I quickly move toward her as Ben asks Carter about some homework assignment.

“Hey, Emme, can you stay after so I can talk to you?”

Her eyes dart to Carter for a moment. “Um, sure.” It comes out like a question. “I, ah, was going to …” She stops herself. “Yes, of course.”

I think she knows this conversation has been a long time coming, and it’s best if we both get it out of the way.

She goes over to talk to Carter, and Ben enthusiastically offers to leave with him. Jack keeps looking back between the two of us with a smile on his face. He’s had this fantasy since the beginning that Emme and I would end up together.

But we all know Emme’s thoughts on me as a boyfriend, so that is never going to happen.

“What’s up?” She looks nervous. She keeps plucking at the guitar in her lap.

“What’s going on with the Soap Stud?”

Emme glares at me.

I continue. “What? He comes to one gig and all of a sudden the two of you are…?”

She gets up. “This is what you wanted to talk to me about? Do I even need to remind you who he’s dating? Please, Ethan, you should know better. Just because a guy and a girl are friends doesn’t mean there is anything romantic going on.”