“What the fuck?” he roared as his hands went to his face.

My eyes widened as I watched the blood pour from his nose. “Oh shit, I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to.”

“Fuck you, asshole!” He threw a punch of his own.

I stumbled back with the impact. My nose instantly started bleeding, and I couldn’t help but laugh at the ridiculousness of the entire situation.

“What the fuck is so funny?” Adam asked.

My laughter turned to full-out howls at his words. “We’re punching each other and bleeding all over the place.”

The three of them stared at me like I’d lost my mind, and I had to admit that I was thinking the same thing.

I managed to stop laughing long enough to speak again. “I’m sorry, all right? I didn’t mean to hit you, Adam. And I’m sorry for what happened with Chloe, but I don’t know what to do to fix it. I can’t go to rehab right now.”

“Why not?” Eric asked.

He had been silent through all of this, and I was surprised that it was him who spoke up.

“Because we need to finish this tour. After we’re done, I’ll go after her. Hell, maybe she will cave and come back to me.” I didn’t see the latter happening, but I could hope.

Chloe was a hard-ass, but I knew she loved me. I wasn’t being conceited about it. It was just something I could see. I knew the chances of her coming back were slim, but that hope would keep me going until I could stop using and find her.

And I swore to myself that I would stop using. As soon as we finished our shows, I would stop, and then she’d see just how wrong she had been by trying to force me into rehab. I’d hated it the first time, and I wasn’t about to go back. I was in control this time around, and I’d be damned if I let anyone, even Chloe, try to tell me different. I knew her heart was in the right place, but she had freaked-out for nothing.

“You’re insane, Drake. Chloe isn’t going to come back to you, especially if you don’t stop using. She’s a smart girl, and she knows that she needs to protect herself,” Eric said as he watched me closely.

“She doesn’t need protection from me. I would never purposely hurt her. You guys have to know that.”

“You’ve already hurt her, and you’ve broken her trust. You can’t just go back from something like that. If you have this under control, I want you to stop using right now. Finish the tour sober, and then find her. We’ll back you up if she doesn’t believe you. I love you both, and I don’t want to see either one of you hurting,” Jade said.

I walked around her and grabbed a few napkins off the table to wipe away my blood. “I’ll stop. I promise. Let’s get through these last few shows, and I’ll stop.”

“You’re seriously going to keep using even though we all know?” Eric asked incredulously.

“Chloe just walked out on me. Would you rather I found another way to deal with it?” I asked, hoping he would understand.

Jade’s eyes widened. “You wouldn’t cheat on her, Drake. I know you better than that.”

“Chloe, drugs, and women are the only things I know. I can’t go without having at least one of them.”

Jade threw her hands up in the air. “You’re a sick fuck, Drake Allen. Enjoy your drugs and women because you just lost everything else that was important to you, including me.” She turned to stomp off the bus.

I watched as she walked down the stairs and slammed the door behind her. Great. Now, I’d not only pissed Chloe off but Jade as well. How many times could I fuck up in less than an hour? I looked up to see Adam and Eric watching me. “What?”

Adam shook his head. “I hope you get your shit together soon because I’m not going to sit here and watch you crash and burn.” He turned and followed Jade down the steps.

And now, I could add Adam to the hate train, too. I glanced at Eric. Maybe he didn’t hate my guts. “We cool?”

He shook his head. “We’re the furthest thing from cool you could ever possibly imagine. I don’t even know what to say to you. I knew something was going on with you, but I hoped that it wasn’t this.”

“I’m fine, Eric. Honest. Just give me some time to get my shit together, and everything will go back to normal. I’m not going to lose Chloe…at least not for forever.”

“You’re an idiot if you think that you haven’t already lost her. I saw her face, Drake. There’s no coming back from that.”

“She’ll be fine. Like I said, when we finish this tour, I’ll stop using, and I’ll find her. She loves me too much to let it all go.”

I was sure of it, but Eric looked far from convinced.

“You took everything bad about her childhood and threw it back at her. You know what she had to deal with, and it’s like you don’t care. I can’t even begin to understand your thought process right now.”

“Let me handle it, okay? Just focus on our band, and I’ll take care of my personal life.” I was starting to get pissed off again, and on top of that, my head was still killing me. I needed to escape before I did something stupid, like hit a band member in the face. Wait, I’d already accomplished that feat.

“It’s your life to live, and I’m not going to sit here and preach to you about it. I just hope you get your life together soon. If you keep it up, you’re going to be out of the band, too.”

His words shocked me. Never once had any of them mentioned kicking me out of the band. Sure, I knew I had been a dick lately, but I didn’t see how they could want to kick me out. I was the main attraction, and they’d tank without me.

“Whatever you say, but we both know you can’t get rid of me without the whole band going under.”

“We’ll survive. I don’t want to kick you out, but we can’t keep dealing with your shit.”

I ignored him as I reached down and picked up the cocaine bag from where it had landed earlier. I didn’t need this shit from any of them. I walked to the bathroom and slammed the door behind me before I pulled out my mirror. Fuck them all. I had this under control.

2

She never came back, and she never called, not even once. With each passing day, the reality of my situation sank in. I’d lost her. With that reality closing in on me from all sides, I started using more. Her leaving had the opposite effect of what she’d hoped for. Her absence was pushing me to use more.

I knew I was being a dick to everyone around me, but I didn’t care. The darkness surrounding me seeped into everything and everyone around me until the entire band was as down as I was. I made sure that I was ready for every show we had, so I could at least say I didn’t suck at that part of my life.

When days changed to weeks, I realized that she was really gone, and my cocaine use tripled. Knowing that I’d lost Chloe sent me spiraling further and further into the darkness now consuming me. Every day, it grew worse as I realized she wasn’t going to change her mind and come back. Without her, I found it hard to go on. I couldn’t believe that I’d let some chick get to me like this, but she wasn’t just any chick. She was my Chloe.

We had just finished our last show when Eric got the phone call that changed everything. I was sitting at the table, eating cereal and moping, while Jade and Adam were playing cards next to me. Eric came running into the bus with a huge grin on his face. He started fist-pumping while doing the most ridiculous dance.

“Dude, you look like you have a vagina,” Adam said as he watched Eric with disgust.

At his words, I snorted and started choking as milk shot out of my nose and back into my bowl of cereal. I shoved it away, disappointed that my dinner had been ruined.

They all started laughing at the look of disgust on my face.

Jade patted me on the shoulder. “Nice.”

“What’s up?” Adam asked Eric.

“You aren’t going to believe this! You remember those demo tapes we sent out to labels before we left? Well, one of them just called me. They want us to fly out to Los Angeles and record some of our new stuff for them.”

Jade started screaming as Adam high-fived Eric.

“That is unbelievable! When are we supposed to be there?” Jade asked.

“They want us there two days from now. They’re going to send a private plane and everything.”

“Holy shit,” I muttered.

I couldn’t believe this was happening to us. We’d been together for years without catching any major attention.

“Let’s not get our hopes up just yet, okay? They’re not offering us a deal. They just want us to come out and record,” Eric said.

“But they’re obviously interested, right? Otherwise, they wouldn’t have even bothered to contact us,” Jade said as she bounced up and down in her chair.

Eric couldn’t keep the smile off his face. “From what the guy said, they’re definitely interested.”

“Yes!” Adam said as he picked up Jade and swung her around.

I laughed. I was happy to see them excited for once. They needed this. I needed this.

“So, I take it we’re going home today?” I asked.

“Yeah, we’re finished with the tour now. We can go home, return the bus, and then fly out,” Eric said.

My stomach flipped as I thought about flying. I wasn’t afraid of flying, but I wasn’t fond of it either. “Can we just drive?”

Jade looked at me like I’d lost my mind. “Drive?”

“It’s been a while since I’ve been on a plane, and it’s not something I want to do again anytime soon.”

Adam grinned. “Better get used to it, pretty boy. If this takes off, we’re going to be flying a lot.”

“Joy,” I mumbled as I laid my head on the table.

* * *

After throwing all of my stuff into my bag, I lay down in my bunk, planning to sleep the rest of the way home. We’d played three shows straight in a row over the last few days, and my body was exhausted. It seemed like I had just closed my eyes when someone started shaking me.