After watching Eric make himself come, I went straight to

my apartment. I sat at my table, desire an unrelenting ache

in my bely. I opened the lid of my satin box and puled out

a sheet of the fine paper. I let it slide through my fingers. I

put it to my face and smeled it, that inexplicably delightful

scent of fresh paper.

Miriam had been right about my need for this paper, how

if I bought it I'd find something important to write on it.

She'd been right, too, about the pen. The writing

instrument, I reminded myself with a smile. I wasn't a

surgeon or even an artist, but that pen was perfect for this.

Its weight shifted just right in my fingers as I put it to the

paper. The ink scroled every stroke without blots or skids

or spots left blank. Now I only had to find the perfect

words to write.

I knew I should do what my high school English teacher

had caled a "sloppy copy." None of the letters that had

passed through me first had contained scratch-outs or

misspelings. They hadn't exactly been poetry, but they had

been neat and clean. My pen hovered over the paper as I

thought of what I needed and wanted to say.

I was working too hard on it, overthinking. The sense of

I was working too hard on it, overthinking. The sense of

responsibility had pushed back even my arousal. I'd

actualy bitten down on my lower lip hard enough to sting

as I thought.

I put down the pen and pushed back in my chair. I got up

and poured myself a glass of orange juice that I sipped as I

leaned against my counter and stared at the paper and pen

on the table.

One thing I knew that Eric's previous unseen mistress had

never seemed to grasp. He had a sense of humor about al

this. It might also satisfy him sexualy, and he might crave

the hand of command as much as I briefly had, but in the

end, he was no leather-masked pussy boy slavering to lick

a woman's boots. He was not a cliché, and I couldn't

make this one. I wouldn't. It was already more than that,

to me, and had been from the first moment I'd taken the

words meant for him as my own.

Juice finished, I paced. The first note had been easy,

written on a whim. The second hadn't been much harder.

Now, though, now…I wanted so much for it to be perfect

I was paralyzing myself. In the end, I thought of his sense

of humor and the list he'd written. I took my pen, and I put

it to the paper.

it to the paper.

Have tacos for dinner.

"Paige!"

I'm not the blushing sort, but heat flooded me when I

turned and saw Eric waving at me from the elevator. I

paused at the Manor's big glass front doors to hold one

open for him, and he folowed me out into the spring-

breezy morning. "Hi, Eric."

"Going for a jog?" He wore black track pants and a tight

black T-shirt that showed off his biceps.

I looked down at my sneakers and workout clothes, then

up at him with a grin. "You'd think so, wouldn't you?"

"I guessed wrong?" He put a hand over his heart and

staggered a step. "Don't tel me you're going to the

Embassy Bal."

"Nope. But I don't jog. I can manage a fast walk, though,

if you're up for it."

"Fast walk it is," he said agreeably.

"I don't want to hold you back." I faked adjusting the tie at my waist to give my hands something to do while I

watched his reaction.

He didn't give me much of one, just a shrug and an easy

smile that lit his dark eyes. "Nah. I used to run a lot, but it's hard on the knees. A fast walk can give you a good

workout too without being so tough on the joints. I see a

lot of injuries from people pushing too hard. I don't want

that to be me."

We crossed Front Street to the sidewalk just beyond. The

Susquehanna River was running high with the last of the

winter's melt and a few days of rain. It sweled, greenish

brown, high up the concrete steps that had been set into

the bank. Halfway across on City Island, I saw the bright

red-and-white stripes of the bathhouse awnings at the

public swimming beach. I'd dip a foot in that water.

Maybe. But there was no way I'd ever swim in it.

"Left or right?" Eric said as he stretched one long leg, then the other.

Left would take us toward downtown and eventualy, the

highway, but we could walk down along the river if we

wanted instead of up here. Right would take us past

residential neighborhoods and the line of mansions that had

once been private homes but now mostly housed offices.

Oh, and the Governor's Mansion, which for some reason

never failed to fascinate me. I guess it was because such

an important building seemed out of place right out there in

the open, where anyone could stand in front of the fence

and look in. I felt the same way about the White House the

one time I'd been to D.C.

"Right." I nodded that way and watched him stretch. I

made an effort at doing the same, but since I never

stretched before any workout, it was half-assed.

Eric eyed me with a grin but made no comment. "Ready?"

"Sure."

There had been a heyday of walking when I was around

eight or nine. We'd been living in a cluster of trailers, too

few to realy be caled a park, with my mother's then

boyfriend, Bob. My mom had been laid off from her job in

the packing department at the Hershey factory, and for the

first time I could ever remember she'd formed a group of

girlfriends who did the sorts of things moms did on

television. Lunches where they dished over their men, and

television. Lunches where they dished over their men, and

trips to the mal where they walked and shopped but

hardly ever bought anything. Though my mom had never

carried an extra pound and wouldn't until after she had

Arty, they'd formed a group to walk around the

neighborhood to help get in shape. It was more an excuse

to get away from us ever-present kids as they gossiped,

but I'd often watched them from the concrete front porch

as they passed by on their rounds and wondered what

made them laugh so loud.

There was no laughing as Eric and I walked. I'd set the

initial pace, but his legs were much longer and we ended

up walking faster than I usualy did. Pride kept me from

asking him to slow, and I didn't have breath left for chatter.

We passed office buildings and finaly, Green Street,

where Harrisburg went from city to neighborhood most

drasticaly. We passed bikes and other joggers, most

heading the opposite direction. I was glad for the pace that

made talk impossible. Eric didn't seem the chatty type,

anyway. Arms swinging, he didn't walk so much as lope

along the sidewalk.

Somehow I didn't care about the sweat ringing my armpits

or dripping down my cheeks. I hadn't bothered with much

or dripping down my cheeks. I hadn't bothered with much

makeup either, and no woman looks her best in

sweatpants. With any other man I'd have been cataloging

my flaws and wishing I'd at least swiped my lips with gloss,

but with Eric it simply didn't matter.

Because I knew he had made himself come at my com

mand, and it didn't matter what I looked like or wore. I

had power over him. He didn't know it, but I did.

It took a lot of the pressure off in a major way. I didn't

have to worry if he liked me or what he was thinking. I

could find out any time I wanted, just by writing him a

note. And if I decided I didn't like him, this never had to

go beyond a walk along the river.

"How far do you want to go?" His question came close on

my thoughts, startling me.

I looked at my watch, calculating the distance we'd gone

and how long it would take to get back. I was going to my

dad's supposedly to watch the boys while he and Stela

went to some charity fund-raiser, though I knew my real

task was to figure out what burr had gotten into Jeremy's

britches. Stil, it was only lunchtime. The sky had stil been

slightly overcast when we left, but now the sun had come

out. The first realy good weather of the spring. I didn't

want to waste it.

"Another half a mile." I swiped the back of my hand across my face. "And I need to stop for a drink, too."

"Fair enough."

We walked on, slowing. The sidewalk ended just ahead as

the bank fel off much harder down to the river. Across the

street were a couple of restaurants.

"Let's stop at Taco Bel," I said suddenly, unable to resist.

Eric gave me a quick glance, but though I sought a smile or

some sign he was thinking about the last note I'd left, I saw

nothing to give it away. He nodded, though, and when

there was a break in the traffic, we headed across to walk

on the other side of the street.

The pause had slowed us both, so by the time we crossed

the parking lot to the restaurant I was cooling down. The

sun, so fiercely bright, had gone behind some clouds again,

and the wind off the river whipped us. It felt good, though,

drying my sweaty face. Eric held the door open for me.

Once again, the gesture from anyone else wouldn't have