Susan Mallery - Sweet Trouble

Nicole nodded. “Thanks for saying that. For what it’s worth, you did make me crazy.” She looked at the ground, then back at Jesse. “I’m sorry I didn’t believe you about Drew. There are a lot of reasons I didn’t. Your past, how you were always being so difficult. But mostly I wanted you to be the bad guy because then I didn’t have to look at myself. Like you said before, if you slept with him, I wasn’t the reason the marriage failed.”

Jesse absorbed the words, letting them fill her with peace. Finally, she thought. That had been a long time coming.

“You weren’t the reason your marriage failed,” she said, able to be generous now. “He was. Drew was a jerk.”

Nicole gave a half laugh, half sob. “Yeah, and I picked him. I know I shouldn’t have married him. I knew it was a mistake when I said yes. I guess I was afraid no one else would ask.”

Jesse moved to her sister and held her. “That’s crazy. You’re beautiful and smart and funny. Guys love that. Look at the guy you’re married to now. Hawk is a total hottie.”

“I know. Sometimes I look at him and wonder how I got so lucky.”

Jesse stepped back. “As long as he thinks the same thing about you.”

“He does. Who would have thought.”

They looked at each other. Jesse knew the harmony was tentative at best, but there was more to be said.

“We need to rent the space across the street. It’s cheap, it’s close and it’s short-term, so the risk is minimal. If we don’t keep up with orders, we’ll lose everything.”

Nicole gritted her teeth, then nodded. “I know you’re right. I don’t like it, but I know it.”

“I’m sorry I came back with an attitude,” Jesse continued. “I didn’t mean to imply I’m better because I’ve changed. But you’re not better because you didn’t have to change. Because you do need to be different. We can’t keep the old roles we had before. I’ll always be your sister, but I’m not the person you knew. Everything is different. We have to get to know each other all over again and figure out how we fit. I want us to be family, but if you can’t get over the past, that’s not going to happen.”

“I know,” Nicole said softly. “I see what’s wrong, but I’m not sure how to change it. We’ve each lived such different lives.”

Meaning what? They had nothing in common anymore? They couldn’t be close? Had their connection been lost to hurt feelings and time?

The front door opened and Sid stuck out his head. “Nicole, you got a call. Walker Buchanan. He runs the Buchanan restaurants. He says he’s interested in stocking our cakes. Want me to take a message?”

Jesse smiled at her. “Buchanan’s, huh? That’s the big time.”

“I know. I should take the call.”

Jesse watched her walk away. She felt both better and worse. Some of the problem between her and Nicole had been solved, but new roadblocks were now in place. Was her sister willing to accept who she was today? Was the past really, if not forgotten, then forgiven? And if it wasn’t, how would Jesse ever be able to make things right and prove herself?

MATT WOKE UP RESTLESS after a bad night’s sleep. He couldn’t stop thinking about how Gabe had run to Bill, like the old man was the kid’s father. Just as bad, he couldn’t shake thoughts of Jesse either.

His plan was working. They were getting closer. Soon he would be in the right place; he would win everything. So why didn’t he feel better about the situation? Why didn’t he have that powerful sense of victory that came when he was about to launch a great new game? He had everything he’d ever wanted and he couldn’t shake the feeling of “So what?”

He drove to the office where Diane watched him as he greeted her.

“What’s wrong?” she asked, following him into his office.

“Nothing.”

“You look like something’s wrong. Is it Jesse?”

She knew too much, he thought, reminding himself to tell her less. He’d made the mistake of talking about Gabe and Jesse when they’d first arrived.

“It’s not Jesse.”

“Of course it is. What else would it be? It’s been five years since she left town. Is having her back better or worse?”

“Both,” he admitted.

“So you still have feelings for her.”

“No.” He didn’t have feelings for anyone. He knew better. Jesse had taught him that. Except she’d never betrayed him. She’d been caught up in circumstances that had conspired to make her look bad. Because of her past, he’d believed her sister rather than her.

No, he told himself. Not because of her past. Because a part of him had never thought he could win someone like her. Someone smart and funny and beautiful and totally into him. She’d been his fantasy and what guy got to keep his fantasy?

It was different today. He was different. He knew he could get any woman he wanted. It made other men envy him. But the price of that was there weren’t any more fantasies. There was only the women who came and went in his life, interchangeable beauties who offered all they had and left him completely unmoved.

“Matt?” Diane watched him. “Are you all right?”

She was concerned because that was her nature. She worried about him. For the past few years, she’d been the closest thing to a connection he’d allowed himself. His assistant. A hell of a legacy, he thought.

“I have to go,” he told her. “I’ll check in later.”

He drove around the city and found himself parked in front of his mother’s house. It was early, so he called before walking up to the door.

“You up?” he asked when she answered.

“Sure. Want some coffee?”

He joined her inside, sitting in the renovated kitchen, following her movements as she made a fresh pot, then offered him breakfast.

“Coffee’s fine,” he told her.

She looked good. Older. He liked her new shorter hairstyle. He studied the wrinkles around her eyes, then did the math. She was in her sixties now. While he’d always had Diane send flowers for her birthday, he hadn’t called or done anything to celebrate. He’d never forgiven her for being happy about Jesse’s infidelity. Never forgiven her for not wanting to lose him.

He knew all about her past, about why she’d held on so tight. When he’d been younger, he’d appreciated her support. If that was her biggest flaw, he’d gotten off very lucky.

He swore under his breath, walked around the high counter and pulled her against him.

“I’m sorry, Mom,” he said. “I’ve been gone too long.”

She was stiff with surprise, then softened in his embrace and hung on to him with a fierceness that spoke of pain and love.

“You had to be yourself,” she said.

He rubbed her back, feeling how small she was. “You’re giving me too much credit. I wanted to hurt you. I was a selfish bastard, thinking staying away was the worst thing I could do. What I didn’t see was how I was punishing myself.”

“Oh, Matthew,” she breathed, her voice muffled as she clung to him.

“I hope you’ll be able to forgive me and give me another chance.”

She stepped back and smiled at him, her eyes bright with tears and love. “There’s nothing to forgive.”

He thought about Gabe, his growing feelings for the boy. How he wrestled with a fierce protectiveness that was unlike anything he’d experienced before. How much bigger would that feeling be if he’d known him longer, had been with him since birth? Is that what his mother felt for him?

He returned to his seat while she poured coffee. She kept looking at him, as if checking to see he was real. She smiled as she handed him his mug.

“Normally Gabe would be in here, making a mess, but Bill took him out for breakfast.”

“Not someone I want to talk about,” Matt grumbled. “He knows Gabe better than I do.”

“He’s known him longer, but that will change. You should be happy. Jesse and Gabe had someone special to care for them while they were gone. Bill’s a good man.”

There was something in her voice. He looked at her. “How do you know him so well?”

“I don’t. We just met a couple of days ago. But there’s a strength about him, a steadiness. I’m glad Jesse wasn’t completely on her own.”

Matt knew he should be glad, too, but he wasn’t. He resented everything about the other man, especially the look on Gabe’s face when he’d run to him.

“Being alone with a baby is a frightening thing,” his mother said. “I was alone with you and I was terrified. You were so small and it was all up to me. But having you changed me. I finally grew up.” She sighed. “It only took me thirty-plus years.”

He wasn’t sure where she was going with this. “You were always there for me,” he said. “No matter what.”

“I loved you with every part of me,” she said as she leaned on the counter and held her coffee. “You were so different from me. So smart. Scary smart. You were eight when you took apart your first computer. You were ten when you learned how to put them back together.”

He remembered that. He’d been far more interested in the insides of a computer than what it could do. Once he understood the basics, fixing them, making them better, was easy.

“You were right about me,” she said quietly, not meeting his gaze. “Before. I resented your relationship with Jesse. I could see it was different. You were different with her. You’d never had a lot of girls around. I knew you’d grow into yourself and figure it out. I just didn’t think it would happen when it did. I wanted to keep you with me forever and she showed me that wasn’t going to happen.”

She looked up and gave a sad smile. “I turned into someone I didn’t like. A clinging, horrible person who cared more about herself than her child. I knew you were in love with her and I was thrilled when Nicole said she’d been cheating on you. I couldn’t wait to tell you. What I didn’t think through was how much you would be hurt or how you would see my actions for what they were. I never thought I’d lose you.”