“Give her time.”

“But I want it fixed now.”

He surprised her by smiling. “You were never big on patience.”

“I had more of it than you did.”

“Low blow.”

Now it was her turn to smile. “It was the only thing I beat you at.”

“Not true.”

“Oh, please. You were smarter. And successful.”

“You had a great sense of humor.”

“True.”

His eyes crinkled. “You’re prettier than me.”

She wasn’t sure she would agree, but she appreciated the compliment. “If you say so.”

“I do. You still wear your hair long. It looks great.”

She tried not to fidget. He’d always liked her long hair and because of that, she’d been unable to cut it. Which made her a fool, but there it was.

“Thanks,” she said. “How was your day?”

“Good. We’re getting ready to launch a new game so we’re pretty busy. There’s going to be a big party. I know I’m getting old because I found myself thinking it was going to be loud and way too long.”

“You’re not old. You’re barely thirty.”

“A couple of guys on the team are in college. Compared to them, I’m practically an old man.”

The server appeared. Matt ordered several dishes for them to share, along with beer. When they were alone, Jesse said, “Tell me what happened with Gabe.”

Matt grimaced. “What did my mother say?”

“That you don’t have a lot of experience with children and that you’ll do better next time.”

“I doubt she was that kind.”

He was right. Paula had ranted, but Jesse wasn’t going to kick him when he was obviously down. “It’s what she meant.”

Matt stared at her. “I don’t know him, Jess. I’m not going to be an ass about it. What happened is done. We’re here now. I’ve got a kid and I don’t know anything about him. How do I change that?”

She desperately wanted to believe that he’d accepted their situation and was dealing with it, but she wasn’t sure. He’d been so angry before. Still, he was Gabe’s father and she wanted the two of them to figure out a relationship.

“Gabe is very easygoing,” she began. “He likes everybody. He’s got a great sense of humor, which is fun to watch develop. He likes doing things outside. In Spokane, we go for long walks in the summer. There’s a trail along the river that he enjoys. We play in the snow in winter.”

“Has he been skiing?”

“A sport you enjoy?” she asked.

Matt nodded.

And he wouldn’t even think twice about how much it would cost. “No, but I’m sure he could learn. He’s pretty athletic. He’s about average size for his age and he’s always been healthy.” Given the fact that she’d barely been able to afford basic health insurance for him, she’d been really lucky.

“My mom said he knew his letters.”

“A requirement for most kindergarten classes these days, so he’s ahead of that,” Jesse said. “He can count to twenty and he’s just starting to recognize words.” She stared at him. “Matt, he wants you in his life. That’s not a question. He’ll be interested in whatever you’re interested in. You could show him how to play a game on a computer or talk about your work. He’d listen. As for getting involved in his life, just be interactive. He likes board games and playing with his toys. Or just go for a walk and talk about what you see.”

“You make it sound easy.”

She wanted to say it was easy, but she had the advantage of familiarity. “It’ll take practice and time together. Next time you come over, we’ll all play a couple of games. Then there will be less pressure. You can just be yourself and get to know each other.”

“Okay. Thanks.”

Their beers arrived, along with a plate of dumplings. As she scooped two onto her plate, she said, “So I’m guessing none of the women you’ve dated have had children.”

“No.” He frowned. “Maybe. I don’t know.”

“How could you not know?”

“I didn’t ask. I go out. I don’t get involved.”

“How can you not get involved with someone you’re seeing?”

“I don’t do relationships. After three or four dates, I move on. I’m not interested in anything long-term.”

A twinge of guilt flickered inside her chest. “Why not?”

“I don’t see the point. I like variety. In my position, I can have anyone I want. Settling down isn’t very interesting.”

That was new, she thought. The Matt she’d known wanted someone he could care about. “Doesn’t it get boring, going from woman to woman?”

He picked up his beer. “Never.”

“And none of them try to make you stay longer?”

He grinned. “They try.”

“So you don’t ever invest yourself emotionally. It’s just about having fun and getting laid.”

“Pretty much.”

She’d done that before she met Matt and knew how empty it could be. “Don’t you want more?”

“No.”

She hated hearing that. Hated thinking she might have done this to him. “You used to be a nice guy. What happened?”

“Nice is a lot less fun. Come on, Jess. You didn’t think I’d stay that ignorant kid forever, did you?”

“You were never ignorant.” Inexperienced, maybe. Lacking in confidence. “I hoped you’d stay honorable.”

“Have I violated some moral code? The women I see are very clear on my terms. I’m not exclusive and I don’t do relationships. If they don’t like that, they don’t have to accept the invitation.”

It sounded fair, but Matt’s dating philosophy left her with a sick feeling in her stomach. She’d come back to Seattle for a lot of reasons, the biggest being to help Gabe connect with his father. She’d also secretly hoped to find something still alive between herself and Matt.

While the passion lived on, she wasn’t sure about the man across from her. Was that really him? Knowing what she did about his past and how he’d loved her, she wanted to say no. But it had been a long time. People changed.

“I need to use the restroom,” she said and slid out of the booth.

She walked into the bathroom and pulled out her cell phone. Paula picked up on the first ring.

“Can you do me a favor?” Jesse asked quietly. “Can you call back in five minutes and tell me Gabe has a fever?”

Paula knew where she was and whom she was with. Jesse expected a lot of questions. Instead the other woman just sighed, then said she would.

Jesse returned to the table. Matt talked more about the new game his company was launching. As she listened, Jesse wondered how she could be so attracted to him and so sad at the same time. Who was he, really? Was he this new and not-improved version of himself or did the other Matt still exist? How was she supposed to find out?

She didn’t have any answers when her phone rang.

“RED OR WHITE?” Paula asked, holding up a bottle of each.

“I’m not in a place where I’m going to be picky,” Jesse said.

She’d just put Gabe to bed. Being with him had helped shake some of her mood after her aborted dinner with Matt, but not all of it.

“Red then.” Paula opened the bottle and poured them each a glass. “The tannins are supposed to be good for us.”

“I need something that is.”

They went into the family room. Paula settled on the sofa while Jesse curled up in a wing chair.

“I’m so confused,” Jesse admitted. “I know he’s angry. Part of me wants to understand and part of me wants to point out that I did try to tell him the truth. I can’t figure out what he’s thinking or what he’s after.”

“He was totally out of his element with Gabe,” Paula told her. “I probably should have helped, but I was too angry. I can’t believe he let you go, knowing you were pregnant.”

“He never thought the baby was his.”

“Still. He should have been sure.”

Jesse agreed, but that didn’t change the past. “I know this is all a surprise to him and that his son is a stranger. Matt is trying, but there’s still so much anger. Does he really want a relationship with Gabe? Can he get past wanting to punish me?” And, Jesse added silently, had his kisses meant anything?

“A lot of this is my fault,” Paula said. “I never expected to have kids. I grew up poor and always had terrible taste in men. If they weren’t hitting me, they were running off with my money. I knew I wanted more. I wanted to be respectable, so I worked three jobs to save the money to learn how to be a dental hygienist.”

“That can’t have been easy,” Jesse said, trying not to react to Paula’s confessions. She’d had no idea the other woman had struggled so much when she’d been younger.

“It wasn’t, but I made it. On my thirty-fifth birthday I met my last deadbeat. He ran off with my savings and left me pregnant. I knew I hit bottom and I was done trying. It was too much. I went out for a drive and when a truck crossed the double yellow line and headed right for me, I didn’t bother trying to swerve. I was going to take the easy way out.”

Jesse held in a gasp. “I had no idea.”

“It’s not something I’m proud of. I figured I’d be dead and all my troubles would be over.” She took a sip of her wine. “Except I didn’t die. I don’t remember anything about the crash. I woke up on the side of the road. The car was totaled and there wasn’t a scratch on me. I decided God had sent me a message and I was going to listen. I’d been given a second chance and I was going to make the most of it.”

Jesse understood, because she’d been given that same second chance. “Your baby.”

Paula nodded. “I vowed to be the best mother I could, no matter what. I did everything I could think of for Matthew. Maybe too much. I know I kept him too close to me. I liked that I was the most important person in his life and I didn’t want that to change. I was lonely and he was all I had.”

“You didn’t do anything wrong,” Jesse told her.

“You’re lovely to say that, but we both know I made plenty of mistakes. I kept him dependent. I didn’t push him to try new things. I held on too tight.”