Susan Mallery - Sweet Trouble

“Why?”

“Because I’m scared.”

There it was. The truth. All of it, leaving her exposed. What if he laughed? What if, even worse, he said he appreciated her feelings but he thought it would be best if they were just friends. What if-

He crossed the space separating them, cupped her face in his large hands and kissed her. Just like that. Mouth on mouth. Lips pressing, touching.

It was a soft kiss, a gentle kiss, as if he was giving her a chance to get used to being close to him. She raised her arms, then lowered them to her sides. For the first time since she was maybe thirteen, she wasn’t sure what to do back. How to respond. What would be right? What would be too much?

He tilted his head slightly, but didn’t deepen the kiss. Seconds ticked by. She was aware of the pounding of her heart and the heat she felt inside. Heat and wanting and fear. Finally she couldn’t stand it anymore and she pulled back.

“I can’t,” she whispered. “I can’t do this.”

“Why not?”

She turned her back on him and folded her arms across her chest. “Because I’m not what you think. I’m not anyone you want to be with.”

He moved behind her and wrapped his arms around her, pulling her against him. She let herself lean on him, just for now. In a second she would be strong again.

“You’re exactly who I want to be with,” he told her. “You’re smart and funny and kind. You’re also sexy as hell.”

“You’re just grateful because I helped you see your potential.”

“I’m a whole lot more than grateful.”

He moved her hair off her shoulder, then leaned in and kissed her neck. Immediately tingles rippled through her. He opened his mouth and licked the spot he’d kissed, then blew on her damp skin. He nipped her earlobe, making her jump. She half turned. He put his hands on her shoulders, bringing her all the way around until she faced him.

“You’re so beautiful,” he murmured between kisses along her jaw. “That’s what I remember from the first time we met. The sun in your hair, how your smile hit me in the gut. It was the best and worst moment of my life. Best because I met you and worst because of what you’d seen.”

“Matt, I never thought badly of you,” she said, barely able to speak. She was on fire, burning everywhere he touched and many places he didn’t.

“I know. It was amazing to me. You saw beyond what I was on the outside. And every time I went out with someone else, all I could think about was that I would rather be with you.”

He kissed her then, hard and hot. She parted because she didn’t have a choice, didn’t want a choice. She welcomed him inside of her mouth, brushing her tongue with his, feeling her breasts swell.

Her nipples ached, as did that place between her legs. She gave herself up to the feeling of being close to him and wrapped her arms around him.

They pressed together everywhere. He was already hard, which thrilled her.

When he nudged her backward, she went willingly. They moved until she bumped into something. Then he picked her up and set her on the bathroom counter.

She parted her thighs and he moved between them. His hardness nestled against her. Then they were kissing again, his hands moving up and down her back.

She touched his shoulders, his chest. He was all muscle and far too much a gentleman. She grabbed his hands and put them on her breasts. His breath caught as he cupped her curves.

It would be so easy, she thought sadly. She knew the drill. She could slip off her jeans and panties. He could be in her in seconds. Here, in the empty house, they could be together. They could fuck. And then what?

Tears burned in her eyes. Regret choked her. She pushed him away, jumped to her feet and ran.

He caught her by the front door, grabbed her arm and held her in place.

“Why are you running away?” he demanded.

She did her best not to cry. “I can’t talk about it. I’m sorry. Let me go.”

“Jess, no. Talk to me. Tell me what’s going on.”

She forced herself to look at him. Maybe it was time to tell the truth. She could get it over with now. It would be like cutting off an arm. One quick slice and it would fall away. Then she could get used to being without him.

She pulled free and thought longingly of the door. Then she squared her shoulders. Time to sharpen the blade.

“You’re right,” she said quietly. “You’re a lot more than a project. I didn’t mean for that to happen. I just wanted to make a difference, you know? To do something right. I saw you and you had so much going for you. Then we started hanging out and I realized you were even better than I thought.”

“You adore me and I like being adored. So where’s the bad?”

Despite everything, she laughed. “It’s not you, Matt. It’s me. I’m not who you think.”

“You’ve said that before and it’s not true. I know you.”

“No, you don’t. You know who I’ve let you see, but that’s not who I am. I’ve always been wild. My sister calls me a professional screwup and she’s right. I started drinking when I was twelve. I got into drugs when I was thirteen. I got bored with both when I was fourteen, mostly because I discovered boys.”

She walked to the window because looking out at the trees was a whole lot easier than staring at him and watching the disappointment fill his eyes.

“I learned very quickly that putting out was an easy way to be popular. I also enjoyed the sex itself. Mostly to be close to someone, to feel like I mattered, even if it was just for a few minutes. I was the school slut all through high school. Nicole found out and put me on the Pill so I didn’t get pregnant. I was lucky, because I never got any diseases. But there were guys, Matt. A lot of guys. There are some I don’t even remember.” She swallowed. “Those guys who call? I sleep with them. All of them.”

She fought tears. “And then I met you and you were great and it was easy and suddenly there I was. Wanting more. Wanting to be different so you would want me. Like me. But so what? You can do a whole lot better than me. I’m completely drifting. I don’t have any direction, I live with my sister, I can’t seem to commit to my future. You don’t need that. You need someone as focused and great as you are.”

There. She’d said it. All of it, or close.

“Are you done with the other guys?”

She bowed her head. “Yes. I don’t want to be that person anymore. I want-a lot of other things.”

He walked toward her. She braced herself for the attack, but he only turned her toward him, then put his arms around her. She kept hers folded protectively across her chest, but he just held her closer.

“Don’t you know none of that matters?”

She stared up at him. “You can’t mean that.”

“Do I look as if I’m lying?”

He looked like a man who was very sure of himself. He looked like someone she could trust.

He touched her face again. “Jess, your past changes nothing. You’re the one I want to be with because of who you are right now.”

He was making it too easy.

“I want to believe you,” she whispered.

“Then try. Give it time. I won’t let you down.” His mouth twisted. “And I won’t push you sexually. Even though I want to.”

She smiled. “If anyone should be holding back, it’s me.”

“You don’t scare me.”

How was that possible? “I mess up a lot. I destroy relationships that matter.”

“No, you don’t.”

“Matt, you have to listen.”

“Jesse, do you want to go out with me? Do you want to be with me?”

“Yes.”

“Then be with me. The rest of it will work itself out. I can handle whatever you throw at me. Do you believe that?”

“I want to.” More than he knew.

“Then trust me. Just a little. I’m not going to let you down. I swear. No matter what. Just give me the chance to prove myself.”

She nodded because she didn’t have a choice. Walking away was impossible to imagine. Maybe he was right. Maybe she could trust him. Wouldn’t that be a miracle?

Present Day…

MATT REMEMBERED GROWING up in small apartments. His mom’s salary as a dental hygienist had only stretched so far. But while they’d struggled financially, he’d never much felt the lack. His mom had made simple moments seem special. She’d always found the money for what mattered…like the computers he’d taken apart, repaired and put back together when he was ten or eleven. Selling those had paid for the next he’d bought, along with the parts, but he’d never considered what she’d had to give up to buy the first broken computers.

He’d paid her back a thousand times over when he’d licensed his game modification. They’d moved out of their crappy apartment into the house in Woodinville. Money had never been a problem again. He’d been all of sixteen when he’d insisted on setting up a trust fund for her so she never had to work, if she didn’t want to. The house had been bought with cash. He’d wanted to do that for her, because she was his only family. Because it was the right thing to do.

Now, as he stood in front of that house, he wondered if he had it to do all over again, would he be so generous? He wasn’t sure. They’d barely spoken in the past five years. He had Diane send her a gift at Christmas and flowers on her birthday. He called on Mother’s Day. Nothing more. Because he’d never forgiven her for telling him about Jesse and Drew.

No, not for telling him. He’d never forgiven her for being happy about the news.

But he had to deal with her now. He’d wanted to see Gabe again and the kid was staying in her house.

When Jesse had phoned and suggested he spend a little time with his son, he’d agreed. Not because he had any burning desire to get to know him, but because it furthered his plan. What he resented was the casual way she called the shots. Not for long, he told himself. Soon he would be in charge.