Maya Banks - Sweet Addiction

She should have felt apprehensive and unsure, as she had each time she’d slept with a man for the first time after embarking on a new relationship. But with Cole, it was like coming home. It was reconnecting with something she’d long been denied.

She knew that he’d never hurt her no matter what he thought or what blame and guilt he carried.

Trust wasn’t something she gave easily. It was hard won and she rationed it carefully. No, she knew he’d never hurt her physically. But emotionally?

He’d once broken her heart and she didn’t know that she could withstand another blow like she’d endured the day he walked out of her life.

Only now, it could well be her doing the walking away and it didn’t make her feel the slightest bit better or empowered.

It scared her to death.

He kissed her with savagery that seemed pint up to now and was suddenly released in a violent storm. As if he’d kept his control so tightly leashed for all this time.

His hunger was palpable. He consumed her. Desire consumed them both.

Lucas may have marked her the evening before but Cole was possessing her body and soul as if he could drive away everyone else in the world but him.

“Come for me, Ren. Show me your passion. Show me the girl I once knew. Show me she’s still there, the Ren I loved with everything I had.”

Tears were tiny daggers to her eyes. Each word pricked her soul. Even now, so many years later, he could cut to her very core with his words.

Her orgasm fluttered over her, light and delicate, a direct contradiction to the force in which he was restaking his claim. His body drove ruthlessly into hers, but his eyes …His eyes spoke a different message. They were gentle and loving. Intense. Burning straight through the barriers she’d constructed over the years.

It spread lazily through her veins, flooding her with sweet, endless pleasure. Sweet. Soft. Stroking over her body like a honey-dipped feather.

She sighed and tightened around him. Her palms stroked over his firm muscles and taut flesh and then she hugged him to her, buried her nose against his neck and inhaled his scent.

He was the very best part of her past. Of a girl bridging the gap between child and woman.

And now, if he had his way, he’d be very much a part of her future. A future she’d always envisioned having with him.

“That’s my girl,” he murmured as he stroked her down from her orgasm. “Now it’s my turn.”

He raised himself off her enough so that she was forced to meet his gaze. Then he began thrusting rhythmically. Harder. Until the slap of his hips meeting her flesh echoed over the room.

“Look at me,” he said harshly when she would have closed her eyes and dreamily drifted away.

Her eyes flew open again and she stared at the firm line of his jaw. The fire and determination in his eyes.

He screamed possession without saying a word. His body owned her. Over and over he took until she moaned softly, unsure of whether she wanted mercy or wanted none.

“Every part of you …mine. Your body is mine. Your ass is mine. Your breasts are mine. Your pussy is mine and I’ll possess it whenever I like for however long I like. Your mouth is mine to take. Say it, Ren. Say it while I come inside you. Tell me you’re mine and make me believe it.”

She reached up for him, looped her arms around his neck and pulled him down. “I’m yours, Cole. All of me. Every part. I’m yours to do with as you wish.”

And for now it was the absolute truth.

Ren lay curled in Cole’s lap on the overstuffed couch in his sunroom. It was a beautiful room, full of windows bursting with light from the side and above. The room was almost completely glassed in and the view of his garden was magnificent.

It reminded her of a children’s book. A fantasy garden that hid secret pathways. Enchanted and magical.

It was clear that this house was Cole’s refuge. Built to exacting standards. Ultimate comfort and privacy in mind. Here nothing could encroach and that gave her an added measure of security and comfort.

He took another strawberry and held it to her mouth. She took a bite, the sweet fruit delectable on her tongue. Cole had arranged for an entire buffet in the sunroom and had fed her by hand whatever she wanted.

She felt pampered and ridiculously spoiled and now she was content to lie in his arms.

He’d kicked up his feet and stretched lengthwise on the couch so his back was to the arm. She was draped over him and every once in a while he reached for something to feed her. His other hand stayed in her hair and he absently stroked through it and down her arm almost as if it was impossible for him to stop touching her.

“I think this would be perfect for your office,” he said. “Do you think you can work here or do you prefer something not so open?”

It shouldn’t have surprised her that he would have arranged for her to have space to work. Lucas would have seen to it.

“It’s perfect.” And it was. Where better to create her own children’s tales than in a setting that looked straight out of one?

“I’ll have all your things brought here and arranged to your liking.”

She frowned. “I don’t have my stuff yet.”

“He had everything sent over this morning,” Cole said quietly.

“Oh.”

Silence descended and she tried so very hard not to read anything into the fact that Lucas had made no effort to see her. She wouldn’t allow it to hurt her because she had no idea the motive or lack of one and she refused to speculate.

“Do you remember when we used to do this on the weekends?”

Cole’s question brought her sharply out of her thoughts and sent her mind seeking in a completely different direction. Maybe it had been intentional. But it was effective because her mind wandered back to days spent just like this. She sprawled across Cole’s body, both of them content to just be.

Her smile was wistful and a little bittersweet. “Yes, I remember. We had such good times.”

He kissed her forehead. “Yes, we did.”

She angled her head so she could stare up at him. “How can we just fall back into this, Cole? We don’t even know each other anymore. It’s been ten years since we were together. This has all happened so fast that I’m having a hard time putting it all together. Is it a game? Are we having a fling for old time’s sake? I feel like I need to know what the expectations are. I mean, Lucas gave me to you. I get that. The three of us are adhering to rules that most other people don’t have any knowledge of and yet they’re important to all of us. Or at least they are to me. I need to know where I stand with you. Take away the rules, the agreement, the fact for the next two weeks I am for all practical purposes your property and just tell me what this is.”

“You don’t ask much,” he said dryly.

He stroked his fingers through her hair, kissed her tenderly on the forehead again and then expelled his breath in a long sigh.

“I made a mistake, Ren. I’ve always known it. Walking away from you was the worst decision I’ve ever made. I hurt you and I hurt myself. We were so young and I was so worried that I was taking you over. I should have trusted in your strength. I should have had more faith in myself but I loved you so much, it killed me to think of hurting you, of what I did to you or could do to you in the future.”

She leaned away to rest against the back of the sofa so that she could see his face.

“But the need in me wouldn’t go away. It shamed me because I thought that anything that had brought someone I loved pain was an …abomination. It wasn’t until later that I realized that it wasn’t the practice of dominance and submission that was wrong. It was my handling of it and my ignorance. It was me who placed you in a position of danger. You were mine to protect and cherish and I failed you on every level.”

“No,” she whispered, shaking her head.

He touched her face, stroked his fingers down her cheek as his gaze devoured her. Almost as if he couldn’t quite believe that she was here and would disappear at any moment.

“After you, I refused to participate in any practice that I didn’t extensively study and devote long hours to mastering. We wondered when we began if it was curiosity or a deep-seeded need within us. For me it was a need and now I realize it was the same for you. How perfect we were for each other,” he said ruefully. “Even more so than we ever imagined. But the truth of the matter was, I needed time to mature and grow and time to gain the knowledge necessary to provide a safe environment for you.”

“Did you have other relationships? Like ours?” she asked, though she dreaded the answer. It was stupid and hypocritical. She’d certainly had relationships. She hadn’t been celibate but somehow it hurt her to think of Cole cherishing another woman as deeply as he’d cherished her.

“Not like ours,” he denied. “Nothing like ours. My …Well, you can’t even call them relationships. They were encounters. And they were all very clinical. There were women who intrigued me. Whom I was attracted to, but the ones I was perhaps the most attracted to belonged to other men. Maybe subconsciously I felt safe in letting myself feel something for them because I knew I never had a chance with them.”

Her brow furrowed in confusion. “Why wouldn’t you have wanted a chance?”

His gaze settled on her. Deep and serious. “Because they weren’t you.”

Her breath caught and she felt light-headed.