Scott looks at Jen and after a moment smiles. They both smile.
“What?” I ask.
“The thing is, when we talked this morning, we said it was a shame we can’t ask you.” Jen giggles.
I watch them for a moment, “So you would consider it?” I ask.
“Yeah,” replies Scott. “I think we would.” He looks to Jen for some indication of where she stands on the issue.
“Really?” I say. I thought they would reject the idea outright.
"Um, yeah." Jen nods slowly. “I mean, we would have a lot to discuss, but if we could all agree, you would be my first choice.”
I grin. This is amazing. From the very first day that they thought they might be having problems, I’ve thought about offering to help them. But when we found out that the problem was mainly with Scott and I could indeed do something productive, I had to re-think. I was with Liv, moving to England and was planning to start a family of my own. I would do anything to secure Jen’s happiness, but when I thought Liv and I had a future, I thought it would be too much to expect her to accept my idea.
But that is all off the table now and even if I’m able to dust myself off and find a new future, it will be a long way off. I want to do this. I want to invest in something really worthwhile. They will be great parents and I could be a part of it.
“That’s so cool,” I murmur, almost to myself. My spirits lifted by this show of faith from my dearest friends. Then something occurs to me… “But why couldn’t you ask me?”
Scott frowns. “It’s a lot to ask. You can’t just go crashing in, asking your best buddy to father your child.” He laughs.
“And you’re not in the best place right now,” Jen adds.
“I’ve thought about this for months, guys.” I’m keen to assure them that this is not a knee-jerk reaction to the break-up. “And we could do it on whatever terms suit you. There are several ways.”
“I know, I’ve been reading up too,” says Scott.
“We can do it through all the legal channels. I don’t want it to come between us in any way. I just want you two to be parents.” I look to Scott. “I know this is hard on you and I don’t want to make you feel worse by offering…”
Scott shrugs. “Hey, if we need a donor, we need a donor. I can’t think of anyone I’d rather ask.”
“Me too,” agrees Jen.
“Well, I think you two should talk it all through, I’ll leave it with you and when you decide, I’m here…and if you decide to go another way, I’ll still be here.” I’m relieved that went well, but I think they should talk about it together now, so I change the subject.
After I left them to discuss everything on Saturday, I took the Shelby out for a drive. If things had gone how I planned, I may never have driven her again, so I thought it would be nice to give her a run out. Santa Barbra and back took up a nice portion of the day, but I had to play music loud because I didn’t want Liv in my head. When I got home, I slept for a couple of hours then threw myself straight into an all-nighter. Hardly sleeping, bar a few naps for a couple of days paid off, because when I finally stopped working early Sunday morning, I was so tired, I slept all day. I either need to be really busy, or so dog tired I can actually sleep; it’s the only way I can survive right now. After another full-on night last night, I was just finishing up when I got a message from Jen.
‘Breakfast before you go to bed? Jx’
I had to laugh, she knows me too well. So, after picking up coffee and bagels from the deli, I pull in behind the store.
“Hey!” she says looking up from her laptop.
“Hey yourself,” I say, flopping down on the sofa beside her and kissing her cheek while she finishes typing.
“Did you bring me a bagel?” she asks excitedly, recognising the bag I’m holding.
“Yeah, but they ran out of Lox.” I tease. I got her usual, Lox, cream cheese, tomatoes and onions. But I always make out that they only had peanut butter left in the whole place. It isn’t a funny joke, but I can’t not do it.
“Shame,” she says, grabbing the bag and whipping out her favorite breakfast. She has bitten a chunk out of if before I can protest and I have to snatch the bag back, before she devours mine too. “So…” she says through a mouthful of bagel. “How’ve you been?”
“I’m fine.” I bite into my bagel so that I don’t have to elaborate. “What about you?” I ask as I finish chewing, to turn the tables.
“Great thanks, you left us with a lot to think about Saturday and I wanted to see you, to talk it through.”
I wait, but she says nothing. “So?” I ask after a long enough pause. She's doing it on purpose.
She takes a deep breath. “Well it’s a huge decision,” she says. “We’re both blown away by your offer and we really want to take you up on it, but there are a few things to discuss first.”
“I’ll sign anything you want me to sign. I don’t want either of you worrying that I’ll decide I want a say, or access or something. I just want to be Uncle Danny.” I babble, this has all been whizzing around my head and sounds too rehearsed now.
“Oh, I know, that’s not my concern,” she says, putting her hand on my knee.
“Is it Scott?” I ask. “This was what I was most afraid of.”
She looks puzzled. “What about Scott?”
“Well he can’t…you know… and I can. Or at least I assume I can.” I mumble. “I just don’t want him feeling inadequate, especially against me.”
She laughs. “Oh, you don’t need to worry about that, he’s surprisingly okay with that side of things. He wants to do it and we would both rather know who we are picking.” She grins. “He actually feels more comfortable about it if it’s you…and I’ve always wanted you for your genes anyway!” She winks at me.
I smile, I know she would be more relaxed about her abandonment fears if I’m involved, but I haven’t exactly been able to voice it to her. I didn’t want to put Scott’s nose out. “Listen, I couldn’t say this to you in front of Scott. We both know he would never freak out on you, but you also know if he did, I would never let you raise a baby on your own…especially if it’s mine.” I say quietly. This already kinda goes against my previous ‘not wanting any sort of stake in the kid’ statement, but I need her to know it anyway. It would never happen, it’s just an irrational fear.
For a second my own irrational fears creep into my head, the ones that just turned out to be a reality, never say never, hey?
She smiles affectionately. “I know, thanks. I think we can make it work.” She pauses. “But one thing really worries me.”
“What?”
“Liv,” she says quietly.
I look at her in disbelief. “Why the hell would she be a factor in all this?”
Steeling herself, she explains. “You should be together, Danny, having your own family.” She pauses, leaving it hanging in the air. I feel like I'm going to suffocate. Jen just watches me.
“Fuck Jen, why are you doing this to me?” I snap. “I don’t want to hear her name again.”
“But you still love her and you can’t tell me there isn’t a chance she still loves you.”
I shake my head and stare out of the window.
“Danny, a week ago, you were going to give up your whole life here to make a new one with her. That doesn’t just go away.” She tries to take my hand but I pull it away. “Scott and I have talked and we both agree, you need to talk to her, find out why she left.”
“I’m not calling her, Jen. She’s made it clear that she doesn’t want me. It’s over.”
“Danny, you don’t know why she left. She may have seen something between you and Brooke and thought you cheated.”
“Nothing happened with Brooke!”
“I know that, but would she?” She reasons. “You said Brooke was already undressed when you came out of the shower. Liv could have seen that.”
“Or she just didn’t love me.” I stand up and walk to the window.
“Danny, be realistic. You know she loves you and it’s too much of a coincidence that she left the night Brooke pulled her little stunt. Now I’ve let you do this your way for over a week, but if neither one of you is going to give in and call the other, then I’m afraid I’ll have to fight dirty.”
I spin around to face her, “What the hell does that mean?”
She stands and puts her hands on her hips. “If you want us to consider your offer, then you have to call her.”
And there it is…the bribery, now she’s pulled every trick from her hat and she looks so pleased with herself.
“Careful,” I warn. “I’m not playing.”
“Neither am I.” She holds firm.
We have a standoff for a moment and then she lays it on the table. “We don’t want to take your first child Danny, it’s not fair. Call her. Sort this thing out. Live happily ever after…Then and only then will we accept your very generous offer, if Liv agrees too. We can wait.”
I shake my head, the gloves are really off. I’m too stunned to speak.
“If she did leave for the reasons you think, then I won’t mention it again. But you have to find out for sure.”
Feeling the anger rising up in me, I grab my keys. “I can’t handle this.” I say as I storm past her and out the door.
I’m fuming as I back my truck out of the parking lot. Who the hell does she think she is? This is emotional blackmail. I expected better of her.
When I get in I slam my keys on the counter and pace back and forth. I really needed to sleep, now Jen has got me so worked up, there is just no way that’s going to happen. It’s not like I didn’t call her, when she was missing I was frantic. She has dozens of messages from me and she didn’t have the decency to put my mind at ease. I had to hear from her family that she had flown home, at least she left them a note! As if I would call her now. She left me. Even as I’m thinking this while pacing around like a caged animal, the idea that she may have left for another reason starts to incubate. I haven’t given it a thought before, I’ve been too angry. I’m still too angry I think, shaking it out of my head.
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