Ninian assured me again and again that his parents would grow accustomed to the marriage. People always regarded their offspring as children throughout their lives. The fact was they objected to his marriage … not to me.

I could not expect them to be pleased that their son had married a woman who had been on trial for murder and was only free because the case had not been proved against her. What parents would? I understood them thoroughly, and I knew that the halcyon days were over.

Ninian said: “We’ll soon find our house.”

And I thought, we must.

Ninian’s parents entertained frequently and most of their guests were connected with the law. They were all extremely well-bred and, although they would have been well acquainted with my case, they took pains not to mention anything that might lead to it. Indeed, there were times when they seemed to make studied efforts to avoid it, for they often discussed cases which were of particular interest to their profession.

But there was one occasion when an old friend and his wife, whose daughter and her husband had recently come home from India, came to dine and brought the daughter and her husband with them.

The conversation was mainly about some new statute which had recently come into force and the company was expressing views for and against it.

The young woman said: “All these laws about stuffy old cases which no one is interested in …”

“My dear,” interrupted her father. “This matter has engendered tremendous interest throughout the profession.”

She replied: “Well, / think it’s boring. You ought to tell us about some of your more interesting cases. Murder, for instance. You must have had some of those.”

Silence across the table. I found myself staring at my plate.

“I was very interested in what the Lord Chief Justice was saying,” began Ninian’s father.

“Like Madeleine Smith,” went on the young woman. “Do you remember that case? Oh, it was ages ago. She got off … though I’m sure she did it. Not Proven, they said. Is it true that they have that verdict only in the Scottish courts? They say she went to the United States of America to start a new life. It’s the only thing she could have done really …”

I felt the embarrassment round the table. The girl who had spoken was, I supposed, the only one who did not know who I was.

The subject was immediately changed. She looked bewildered. It must have been clear to her that she had said something indiscreet. I was sure that afterwards she would be told who was present.

I felt very upset about that. When we were alone, Ninian tried to comfort me. But it was not easy.

“You should never have married me,” I said. “This sort of thing should never have happened to you. You have been drawn into it. And it will go on for ever. It will be there all our lives.”

“No … no … people will forget.”

“She didn’t forget Madeleine Smith and that must be nearly fifty years ago.”

“That was a notorious case.”

“So was mine, Ninian.”

“We’ll get our own house.”

“People will still talk.”

“If only we were not here … in the city.”

“It would be the same wherever I was. I couldn’t escape in Kimberley.”

Ninian tried to shrug it off, but I could see that he was as upset as I was.

I suppose that was why he decided on the house the very next day.

It was a pleasant house in one of the squares of grey stone houses. We were close to Princes Street and, in spite of everything there to remind me, I could still find pleasure in it. I passed the garden and thought of Jamie, and Zillah who had found us there.

When we told Ninian’s parents that we had found a house which would suit us, they could not hide their relief; and I felt that the shadow which was overhanging my life was spoiling Ninian’s, too.

The house was not very far from my father’s, where I had spent my childhood, where the terrible tragedy had happened. I could not bring myself to call on Zillah, which would have meant going back there. I wondered if the Kirkwells and the Vospers were still there; and I asked myself if Zillah would have heard that I was in Edinburgh.

We moved into the house and I felt a little better. Shortly afterwards I discovered that I was pregnant.

That made a great deal of difference. I stopped brooding and ceased to think that everyone was remembering. My joy was intense; so was Ninian’s. Even his parents softened towards me. They were delighted at the prospect of a grandchild.

One day I received a note. It came by hand. It looked like Zillah’s handwriting, but it was slightly less bold than it used to be; and when I opened it I found that it was from her.

My dear Davina,

I believe that you have reverted to your true name now, and I hear that you are in Edinburgh. My dear child, why did you not come to see me?

Things have not gone very well with me. I am wretchedly ill. It smote me suddenly and here I am … more or less an invalid. I don’t know how these things happen. I was hale and hearty one day and ill the next. It is very annoying. I just had a horrid cough at first, which I could not shake off. It’s consumption, they tell me. It’s a bore. I sometimes feel quite ill and at others my jaunty self. I make plans and then can’t act on them.

Do come if you can bear with a poor invalid.

My love as always,

ZILLAH

After receiving such a note there was nothing I could do but call immediately, though I had to steel myself to do it.

Mrs. Kirkwell opened the door. I guessed she had been warned that I was coming.

“Oh, good afternoon, Mrs. Grainger,” she said. “It’s nice to see you again.”

“Good afternoon, Mrs. Kirkwell. How are you?”

“As well as can be expected, thank you.”

“And Mr. Kirkwell?”

“He’s all right. And you look just the same. My word, you did get caught up in that awful place. Siege, don’t they call it? You should have seen the people in the streets when we heard it was relieved. Mafeking and Ladysmith, too. Mr. Kirkwell knows all about it. He was watching for news all the time and telling us what was going on. And of course … you being there … well, we wanted to know. I couldn’t get it out of my mind, our Miss Davina out there with all them savages.”

“They weren’t savages, Mrs. Kirkwell.”

“Well, near enough … foreigners. And you shut up in that place … And I remember you when you was a little thing no higher than my knee … and then to be stuck in that place. Mrs. Glentyre is waiting for you.”

“Is she very ill, Mrs. Kirkwell?”

“Up and down. She’s right as a trivet one day. You’d never guess. Of course, she passes it off. Last person you’d have thought would get caught like that. She’s that pleased you’re coming to see her. I’ll take you right up. That was her orders.”

I went up the familiar stairs to the familiar room.

She was sitting in a chair by the window. I was amazed at the sight of her. She was so much thinner, but her hair was as bright as ever, but somehow it did not match her rather gaunt face.

I went to her and took her hands in mine.

“Oh, Davina … my sweet Davina. It was wonderful of you to come.”

“I’d have come before if I had known.”

“Just because I’m a poor old thing?”

I said: “It was difficult for me to come back here. I’m afraid I put it off.”

She nodded. “So you married your Mr. Grainger. How is that going?”

“Very well.”

“He was always asking questions. And then he went out and brought you home. News travels in a town like this. My word! That was something! Shows how keen he was to get you. And at one time I thought he was interested in me! But I realised it was just because he wanted to probe. He’s a real old prober. I soon got his measure. But it is good to see you. Tell me about the awful time you must have had. Shut in like that … not much to eat, I suppose … living on what you could get.” She shivered. “We heard a lot about it here, you know. I’ll not forget Mafeking night in a hurry. The noise in the streets! It went on all night. And I thought of you out there. It is good to see you.”

“Tell me about yourself, Zillah.”

“Oh, things didn’t turn out as I thought they would. I had plans. I was going to have a house in London. I was going abroad. I was going to enjoy life. All planned, it was, and then, suddenly, I got this cough. Just a nuisance at first. Then I couldn’t get rid of it. The doctor shook his head and wanted examinations. So I had them and they found this. I reckon I picked it up in those draughty old digs when I was with the Jolly Red Heads.”

“I’m so sorry, Zillah. It is the last thing I would have expected of you. So you have to stay quiet, do you?”

“Don’t only have to, want to sometimes. I have my down days and my up days. Sometimes I feel … almost well. I make the most of that.”

“Everything else seems more or less the same here. Mrs. Kirkwell is just as ever.”

“She’s like an old monument … she and her old man. I never forget them when I first came here. What a long time ago that seems, Davina!”

“I remember it well. I thought I had never seen anyone less like a governess than you.”

“You always paid nice compliments, dear. And to think that you once thought of becoming one! What happened about that old school?”

I told her and that Lilias was now married.

“You both found husbands. It can’t be such a boring old profession, after all.”

“So did you,” I said.

For a moment we were both sober.