Sophie Oak - Siren Beloved

“All of the above.” Lucas forced her chin up so she had to look at him. His eyes were glossy with unshed tears. “And every single reason is valid, baby. But it’s time to move past that now. It’s time to step up and tell the truth.”

“Did you love him?” Aidan stood in the doorway, a cup of coffee in his hand. His face was blank, his skin a stark white.

How much had he guessed? There was nothing for it now. Since the moment he’d walked back into her life, she was always going to have to make a choice. She could choose to tell him what she should have before or she could keep stubbornly silent. It was so clear to her now that two paths lay before her. She could refuse to tell him her secret and walk away—or she could be brave and share the pain that had always been theirs to share.

“It’s all right if you did,” Aidan said. “I understand if you met someone else.”

“Brandon wasn’t a boyfriend, Aidan. He was our son.”

The cup of coffee fell to the floor, splattering across his pants. Aidan felt the burning heat, but it didn’t register.

“What did you say?” he asked because his mind couldn’t quite make the connection.

Lucas got to his feet. There was a somber air surrounding him. He walked over and picked up the cup. “I’m going to go and get us all some coffee. I think the two of you need to talk.”

The door closed behind Lucas, and Aidan was left alone with Lexi.

She sat for a moment, the tension palpable in the air between them. Aidan wanted to be closer to her, but he could feel the wall there. “I said Brandon was our son.”

“You were pregnant? How were you pregnant?” Even as he said the words, he knew how stupid they were, but his brain wasn’t functioning. All he could see was Lexi sitting there telling him he had a son. How could he have a son?

The words that came out of her mouth dripped with sarcasm, but her face was flat, with none of her normal animation, like she was a doll and someone had pulled her string. “The normal way, Aidan. See when a girl and her undercover bisexual boyfriend love each other very much…”

“Don’t you dare joke about this.”

That blank face moved just a bit, her mouth turning down slightly. “I’m sorry. I hide behind it. I know I do.”

He had a son. She was telling him he had a son. Lucas had known. She’d told Lucas, but not him.

“Stop. Just stop. Just tell me.” He needed the story, and he didn’t want to have to wade through Lexi’s bullshit.

She stuttered and grasped at the edges of her gown. She looked so young sitting there. How young had she been when she’d had their baby? Where was their baby? His mind was a chaotic mess of questions, but that one screamed through his brain. If Lexi had their baby, where was he? Was he being raised by someone else? How was he going to get his kid back? Because if he had a kid out there in the world, Aidan wanted him. Had she been so mad at him she couldn’t handle the thought of raising his child? It just didn’t compute. Lexi had always wanted children. They had talked about it the night they got engaged. And Lucas would have gladly stepped in. Hell, Lucas would have married her and put his own name on the birth certificate if she’d wanted it. A sick feeling opened in the pit of Aidan’s stomach.

Lexi would never have given up her baby no matter how mad she was at his father.

“I didn’t know I was pregnant when you left. I had no idea. I actually think it might have happened that night. The timing was right.” Her voice took on a monotone, devoid of all emotion. She stared at her hands as though it was too painful to look anywhere else. Aidan wanted to go and grasp her hands, to force her to look at him and just fucking tell him what had happened to his son.

He stopped and was still. He knew this woman. Though there was a part of him that wanted to rage at her for keeping this secret, he knew the only reason she had was the pain he’d caused her.

“When did you find out, angel?” It was easier to shove down the anger when he realized how much this was costing her.

“Uhm, about a month after you left. Lucas came down for the weekend. I was moving out of our apartment, and I passed out. Lucas freaked and made me see a doctor who told us that I was pregnant.”

He’d been in Basic by then. He’d been getting the shit kicked out of him. He’d thought after that first day of training that he’d be so tired he’d be able to sleep without thinking of them, but he’d been wrong. He’d closed his eyes and they were there, holding their arms out and taunting him with everything he couldn’t accept. While he was pushing them away, Lexi had been pregnant with his baby.

Lexi continued. “You have to understand, Aidan. You were gone. I was in a state of shock. I made the doctor do the test again. I went out and bought five boxes of tests. I couldn’t be pregnant. I said a lot of things back then. I told Lucas I didn’t want the baby. I told him I was going to fix the situation.”

The words cut at his heart, but damn, he understood them. Lexi railed and fought against anything she viewed as unfair. She said things she didn’t mean when she was mad. It would have been worse than just mad. She would have been afraid.

“I didn’t. I mean, I didn’t really ever plan to. I was just being a bitch.”

He put a hand on her back, needing the connection to her. “You were mad, baby. It’s all right. Tell me what happened.”

He knew. He could feel the tears slipping from his eyes. His child was dead. Julian had mentioned an accident. It didn’t take much to put two and two together. His child had been gone for a long time, but Lexi was here. Lexi was still in pain.

“I pretended it wasn’t happening. Lucas tried to get me to tell my mom, but I wouldn’t. I made him promise not to tell. It was easy, because after that one fainting episode, I didn’t even notice I was pregnant. I told myself I would decide what to do later. I told myself I could make an appointment the next day, but I never did, and one day it was too late.”

She’d put it off because she hadn’t really wanted to make an appointment. She wouldn’t have been able to go through with it. But she hadn’t been ready to admit she wanted the baby. Aidan had lived with her long enough to know what had happened. And now he could see what was wrong between them. He just wasn’t sure he could fix her.

“I never bought anything, you know. I didn’t buy a baby name book. I didn’t buy little socks. I didn’t even buy maternity clothes. I didn’t run around telling my girlfriends about it. I only told Lucas.”

Aidan felt a sob threatening. God, he wanted to cry. He wanted to scream and pound into something until his fists bled. He swallowed it all down and sat down beside her. “How did he die?”

Her head was down, but he could see the tears falling like raindrops against her clenched hands. “I was driving to Dallas. It was late, really late. I shouldn’t have been on the road, but I couldn’t stand being alone. I had to see Lucas. I didn’t even call and tell him because he would have insisted on driving down to pick me up. I didn’t want to wait five hours. The car came out of nowhere. One minute I was driving and the next some paramedic was pulling me out of my car. I was in and out for a while. I had a concussion, but otherwise I was fine. I was five months along, but you could barely tell I was pregnant. It was hours before they did a sonogram. There was no heartbeat. No movement. A couple of days later they induced labor, and he was stillborn.”

Aidan sat back, his whole body numb. If he’d been with her, she wouldn’t have been on the road that night. He would have treated her like fragile glass.

“He was so tiny, and I never told him I loved him. I know babies don’t understand, but I never said it. I didn’t even feel it until he was gone. Do you think he knew I didn’t want him at first?”

“No,” Aidan forced the words out of his mouth. “No, angel. He knew what was in your heart. This wasn’t your fault.”

It was his. He’d walked out. He’d never even considered that she could be pregnant. He’d simply left because she wouldn’t conform to his vision of how life should be. Because she wouldn’t leave behind a man she loved for another man who couldn’t accept that he loved them both. He’d walked out with only a suitcase of his clothes and his guitar. He’d left everything else behind, a mess for her to clean up. He’d left behind the couch they’d bought at a garage sale. He’d left the books she’d bought for him. He’d left the table where he’d made love to her that first night they moved in, when everything had seemed possible. He’d left it behind like it was trash when it had been their lives.

“Lucas had to name him. They made a death certificate. Lucas had to name him and make the arrangements.”

Yes, Lucas had been the one to do all the things Aidan should have done. Lucas had stepped up. Lucas had tried his damndest to hold everything together. Lucas had needed him, too.

“The man who hit me accepted a plea. I was grateful for that. I couldn’t have handled a trial. It also kept me off my stepdad’s radar. Jack was happy with him going to jail. He was even happier when the dude broke his parole and ended up back there. As far as he knew, I was okay after all. I moved to Dallas to be close to Lucas, and I tried to forget.”

But she hadn’t. Aidan could see that plainly. She’d been drowning in grief, and he’d been gone. Now he’d walked back in demanding that she give him a second chance. He’d gotten her fired and tricked her into seeing him again.

Guilt weighed on him.

“I’m sorry, Aidan.”