Sophie Oak - Siren Beloved

Aidan toyed with the beer in front of him. He knew he should be packing and getting ready to go home. He had his answer, but he sat at the bar, unable to force himself to leave. He heard people whispering all around him. It didn’t matter. He’d fucked everything up, again.

Leo had tried to talk to him. He’d growled enough that Leo had finally given up. The last thing Aidan wanted was a coaching session.

What exactly had he thought would happen? Had he thought they would just be okay with him walking back into their lives? And he hadn’t exactly walked. He’d ordered and spanked his way back in. He’d deceived his way back in. But, damn it, it had seemed like the only way to do it. If he didn’t know deep in his heart that he was the best thing in the world for them, he would sacrifice and walk away. He’d been half afraid he’d look them back up and find they were married and happy without him.

Aidan wasn’t going to give up. Deception hadn’t worked. He didn’t like to think of it that way. He liked to think of it as easing back in. Well, easing back in had blown up in his face. He needed a new plan because this was the most important thing in his life. He wasn’t about to give up now.

His cell phone vibrated. He pulled it out, half hoping it was Lexi calling to scream at him. He’d listen to her. He’d let her rage at him just so he could hear her voice. He would have let Lucas beat on him just to feel his hands again. Aidan groaned as he saw the number. His brother.

“What?”

There was a momentary pause. “Well, ain’t that typical. You leave me with all the work and then act like I’m the one in trouble.”

And it was just like his brother to try to turn everything around. “Look, Bo, I’ve already talked to Dwight. He said you were busy causing trouble.”

“What? Motherfucker. He ain’t even here, Aidan. He left the ranch early this afternoon.”

That wasn’t what Dwight had said. Bo wasn’t exactly known for his honesty. “And just where did he take off to?”

His brother huffed over the phone. “I don’t know. It’s not like he tells me anything. He’s a fucking asshole.”

Bo pretty much thought everyone was a fucking asshole. Aidan felt unaccountably tired. “Was there something you wanted, Bo?”

“There are a lot of things I want, brother, but I’m not getting them, am I? I called because I thought you should know something, but now I think you deserve everything you have coming your way. Go to hell.”

The connection was cut with a brutal click. Aidan let the phone fall from his hands, not caring when it fell to the floor. It didn’t matter. If it rang again, it would just be one more person who wanted to tell him what a failure he was.

Aidan closed his eyes and shut out the world. Music, sad and sweet, flowed through his brain. Just because he couldn’t play anymore didn’t mean he didn’t write in his head. He heard a single guitar, plucking gently, the sound as lonely as he felt.

He could see the song in his head, but none of it mattered since the people he’d wanted to play for were gone.

“How about some water, Bill? I think I can handle this particular confrontation without liquor.”

Aidan’s eyes flew open because he knew the sound of that voice, deep and always with a hint of sarcasm, like the owner never took the world too seriously. It was deceptive, that voice, because Aidan happened to know that Lucas Cameron took everything he loved with an almost worshipful reverence. Lucas Cameron knew how to love.

But Aidan had the distinct feeling he might find out Lucas Cameron didn’t love him anymore.

He took a long drink. Lucas might not need liquid courage, but Aidan sure as hell did.

“Why?” Lucas asked the question without inflection, as though the actual answer was meaningless to him.

Lucas didn’t look at him. He kept his expression bland as he faced forward, but Aidan couldn’t help but stare. Lucas was lovely to him now. He’d fought the attraction before because it had seemed the final nail in the coffin of some perfect, vanilla life he had planned. Now Aidan just let himself stare. Lucas was a testament to masculine beauty. His pitch black hair fell over his forehead, tumbling almost over his eyes. In the past, Lucas had kept it shorter, but Lexi had always begged him to let it grow out. It looked damn good on him. Aidan wanted to reach out, but he had some explaining to do first.

“Why am I here?”

Lucas sighed softly. “We can start there.”

“I came back because I love you and Lexi. I came back because I need you so fucking much.”

“And you decided this when?” There it was, that sarcastic edge. Lucas was good at putting on fronts.

Aidan needed to get past the mask. Honesty was his only weapon. “The day I almost lost my legs.”

Lucas turned, and his eyes flared with shock. Aidan was almost certain he saw concern there. “What happened?”

“I don’t know,” Aidan said quietly. “It’s all a jumble. I was with my squad. We were on a security detail. We started taking some heavy fire. I know this from the report that was filed by a friend of mine. We were the only ones who survived. I woke up in a field hospital, and they told me I wouldn’t walk again. And I realized as I was lying in that bed that it wasn’t the worst day of my life.”

Those emerald eyes of Lucas’s shimmered slightly with unshed tears. “Don’t you fucking say it.”

“The worst day of my life was the day I walked out on you and Lexi.”

Lucas slammed off the stool. “Fuck you, Aidan.”

Aidan watched as Lucas stormed off. He was patient. If Lucas wanted to fume for a while, that was perfectly acceptable because at least he was having an emotion. He’d seen it in Lucas’s eyes. He’d been moved, and it wasn’t all anger. Julian and Leo had spent hours and hours the last several months teaching Aidan how to read body language. Lucas’s entire body was bunched up. He was one huge ball of emotion. Aidan could see it plainly. Anger was at the forefront, but there was more there.

Lucas made it to the door that led back to the hotel section of The Club before turning on his heels and stalking back.

“You think you can waltz back in here and give me some sob story, and I’ll just fall down on my knees and be grateful you’re back?”

“No.” Let him get it all out. Aidan knew he deserved it. “I know I have a lot to make up for.”

“You can’t make up for it. You can’t. You left us. You’re the one who turned away. You joined the Army? What is wrong with you? I respect anyone who wants to serve this country, but you’re not a soldier, Aidan. You’re a fucking musician.”

Aidan held his hand up. “Not anymore.”

Lucas swallowed whatever he was about to say. He reached out and grabbed Aidan’s hand. It was his left hand. It was missing two fingers, but only his middle finger and thumb still had any real agility. He’d joked with the doctors that at least he could hitch a ride and flip someone off, but he would never play guitar again. The muscles in his hand still worked, but they were far too stiff to play with any accuracy or real rhythm.

“Was it worth it? Did it make you forget what happened?”

Aidan forced himself to smile. Arguing with Lucas would get him nowhere. “No. Like I said, I woke up in that bed, and all I wanted was the two of you. I called.”

Lucas’s face went white. “I know. You think I’m not feeling that right now? You called, and I hung up on you.”

Aidan finally did what he’d wanted to do for years. He cupped Lucas’s face and let himself feel that skin against his hand. “I deserved it. I would have hung up on me, too.”

Lucas pulled away, but not after his eyes had closed slightly as though he reveled in the contact. He took a step back, those emerald eyes hooding as he looked down. Aidan had put a shirt on, but he knew Lucas was remembering the scars on his body.

“I should have…it doesn’t matter now, Aidan. I need to understand why you’re here and what you want. I need to know why you didn’t just talk to me. That whole deception out there in the dungeon doesn’t help your case.”

Aidan eased back onto his barstool. “I think it does. Look Lucas, I know the lifestyle you’ve always wanted. You want a ménage, and you want a Dom.”

A bitter little huff came out of Lucas’s mouth. “Yes, I believe I mentioned that before. That conversation didn’t go well.”

“I know. I was an ass. I didn’t really get it. I was surprised at how much I enjoyed our night together. God, the word enjoy cheapens it. I loved it. It was the closest I’ve ever felt to anyone, but it was counter to everything I’d been taught. I understand more now. I get it.”

“Just like that?” Lucas held his hands out, obviously waiting for a much better explanation.

“Fuck, no. Not just like that. I had to go through a lot to get here, but I did it, and I’m standing and walking because I love you and Lexi. I’m not going anywhere, Lucas. I’ll be here at this club every day until you listen to me. I’ll let everything else go, the ranch, my brother, my friends, none of it matters if I can’t prove to you and Lexi that I am the man for you.”

“It’s going to take something more than you lying to me.”

Aidan sat forward, unwilling to take on that sin. “I didn’t lie. I followed every rule and code of conduct this club has. I trained and was approved by both the Dom in residence and the owner. I’ve spent countless hours training.”

“I bet you did. That must have been fun.”

That little lurid huff in his voice got Aidan’s back up. “No, sub, it wasn’t fun. You will respect me while we’re in this club. Or have you forgotten the contract you signed?”