He and Anne Jewell were alone together.
And so good-bye had not been good-bye after all, he thought.
He was painfully glad to see her.
And painfully aware of the reason.
She was pregnant with his child.
“You must have thought,” he said, “that I was not coming.”
“Yes,” she said. “I did.”
She was standing to one side of the door, half a room away from him. Three weeks must have seemed an endless time to her, he supposed. She was unmarried and with child-for the second time.
He hated to think that that fact somehow put him on a level with Albert Moore.
“The rain delayed both your letter and my journey to London,” he explained. “I am so sorry, Anne. But you must have known that you could trust me.”
“I thought I could,” she said. “But you did not come.”
“I would never let you down,” he said. “And I would never abandon my own child.”
The thought had hammered in his brain all the way to London and back to Bath. He had fathered a child.
He was going to be a father.
She sighed and her posture relaxed. He could see that his explanation had convinced her and that she had forgiven him.
“Sydnam,” she said, “I am really sorry-”
“No!” He held up his hand and walked closer to her. “You must never say that, Anne. Nor must I. If you are sorry you had to call on me like this, and if I am sorry that I made it necessary for you to do so, then we must also be sorry for what we did that afternoon at Ty Gwyn. Yet we both agreed at the time that it was what we wanted. And if we are sorry, then we are also sorry that there is to be a child. We say that it is unwanted and that there is something wrong about it. There can only be everything in the world right about any child. And this one is yours and mine and must be welcomed gladly by both of us. Please do not say you are sorry.”
She stared mutely at him for a few moments, and he was reminded of the blueness of her eyes and the smoky quality her long lashes gave them.
“London?” she said then. “You have been to London?”
“To procure a special license,” he explained. “We must marry without delay, Anne. You must have the protection of my name.”
Her teeth sank into her lower lip.
“If you really wish to have the banns called,” he said, “so that our families will have time to gather for our wedding, then I will respect your wishes. But even this three-week delay has made me very uneasy. Only my life stands between you and something unspeakable-despite Miss Martin’s determination to care for you if I will not.”
“I have no family,” she said.
“We will wed tomorrow morning, then,” he told her. “I will make the arrangements.”
He remembered something suddenly as she gazed back at him, even her lips pale. He remembered a very inadequate offer of marriage he had made just after bedding her-just after impregnating her, as it had turned out.
If you wish, Anne, we will marry.
Was she never to hear anything better from him? Was she now to be rushed into marriage because it was necessary and forever feel cheated of some of the trappings of courtship?
“Anne.” He took her left hand in his and lowered himself onto his right knee-so that he would be able to use the stronger left leg to help him rise again. “Anne, my dear, will you do me the great honor of being my wife?”
He brought her hand to his lips, but not before seeing her eyes grow huge with unshed tears. She bent over him, and he felt her free hand light against the top of his head.
“I will,” she said. “I will always do my best to bring you comfort and companionship, Sydnam, and I will be the best mother I can possibly be to your child-to our child.”
He got to his feet and drew her against him. She turned her head and rested it against his left shoulder, her hands nestled between them, spread over his chest.
He wished then that he had two arms to wrap about her, to hold her close, to enclose her in the safety of his protection. And he wished he had two eyes to see her with. And he wished…
But he was alive. He had learned to cope with the changed conditions of his life. And now he was to have a wife and companion. There would be a child for the nursery at Ty Gwyn soon after they moved in there. He could begin to think of his life in terms of the plural-my wife and daughter, or son, and me. He had somehow been thinking of the child as female. He was going to have a daughter. Or a son.
He must not dwell upon the fact that he had no right arm and no right eye-that he could never offer Anne a whole man. He must not think of how she had cringed from him when he entered her body. He must not fear the loss of his deepest privacy.
He must give what he could-the protection of his name, his friendship, loyalty, kindness, and affection. And perhaps in time…
She lifted her head and gazed into his face.
“It will be all right,” he told her. “Everything will be all right.”
“Yes.”
Her lips curved into a smile, and he knew she was having similar thoughts to his-that this ought not to be happening but was, and all they could do was make the best of it.
Their prospects were not utterly bleak. They liked each other-he knew she liked him. He was in love with her. Perhaps he even loved her.
They had the rest of their lifetimes to work on the sort of warm marital relationship he had always dreamed of.
“Anne,” he said, “what about your son? Does he know?”
She shook her head.
“Until you came,” she said, “I did not know what I would tell him.”
“I will support him and care for him and educate him and love him as if he were my own,” he assured her. “I will give him my name if you wish, Anne, and if he wishes it. But will he accept me?”
“I do not know what he will feel,” she said. “He longs for a father figure in his life. But…” She bit her lip again.
But his longing was for a whole and perfect man, like Hallmere or Rosthorn or any of the Bedwyn men.
“Shall we summon him now,” he asked her, “and tell him together? Or would you rather talk to him alone first?”
She drew a deep breath and released it slowly.
“I’ll go and fetch him,” she said. “Tomorrow his life will change drastically. He needs to know as soon as possible, and he needs to meet you face-to-face.”
His heart plummeted as soon as she left the room. Tomorrow his life will change. All three of their lives would change tomorrow. And they would be changed irrevocably and forever. It was not just he and Anne who were involved in all this. There would be a new child, whom he already loved with a fierce, almost painful tenderness. And there would be the boy, David Jewell, whom he had pledged to love though he did not know how easy it would be or if the boy would willingly reciprocate that love.
And who could blame him if he did not? What child would choose a one-eyed, one-armed father whom most children and even some adults feared as a monster?
Choices.
He and Anne Jewell had chosen to make love together during that afternoon at Ty Gwyn, and their lives-and David’s-had been forever changed.
Only time would tell if they had been changed for the better or the worse. Not that it would matter. They could only continue to walk the path of their lives to the very end, and for now at least their paths had converged.
It was Saturday again, the sun was shining, and it was a relatively warm day for October. But though the boarders at Miss Martin’s school and a few of the day pupils too were out in the meadow playing games as usual, it was Lila Walton who was supervising them rather than Susanna Osbourne.
Susanna was in Anne Jewell’s room, laughing as she attempted to thread a string of seed pearls through her friend’s hair, which she had just succeeded in pinning up into a more elegant style than usual.
“There,” she said, standing back at last to view the results of her handiwork. “Now you look fit to be a bride.”
Anne was wearing her best green silk.
Claudia was standing silently just inside the door, her hands clasped at her waist.
“Anne,” she said, meeting her friend’s eyes in the mirror, “are you quite, quite sure?”
It was a foolish question, of course. When one was with child and the father was due to arrive in five minutes’ time to marry one, it really did not matter if one was sure or not.
“I am,” she said.
“He was so very, very handsome,” Claudia said with a sigh.
“He still is.” Anne smiled into the mirror.
“You told me,” Susanna said, “that he was tall, dark, and handsome, Anne. You did not say anything about his war wounds.”
“Because they do not matter,” Anne said. “I also told you that he and I were friends, Susanna. We were. We are.”
“I am looking forward to meeting him,” Susanna said.
But Claudia turned at that moment and opened the door upon which Keeble was about to knock.
“They are downstairs,” he announced as if he had come to tell them that the devil and his chief assistant had just stepped into the school. Although a man himself, Mr. Keeble always carefully guarded his domain against the wicked male world beyond its doors. He looked across the room to Anne, who was getting to her feet. “You look good enough to eat, Miss Jewell.”
“Thank you, Mr. Keeble.” She smiled at him, though her heart felt as if it were lodged somewhere in the soles of her slippers.
Sydnam had arrived with the clergyman who was to marry them. The wedding was going to be solemnized in Claudia’s private sitting room, the visitors’ parlor having been rejected as too gloomy.
It was her wedding day-her wedding day-yet she felt nothing but a heavy heart. She was fond of him, and he was fond of her, but they had not intended to marry, and it seemed somehow worse to be marrying Sydnam than someone of whom she was not fond at all-foolish thought.
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