"I wanted you to walk in that door tonight and drag me off to the bedroom without a single word spoken," Jessie said lightly. She stroked the smooth skin on Chris's belly, wondering at her sudden need to talk, to share her feelings... and her doubts. "Can I tell you something, Chris?"

"Of course."

"You're the first person that I've ever been with twice." She looked up, just able to see the expression on Chris's face in the darkness. It was one of sadness. "You're also the first person who's ever made love to me because they truly wanted to. It wasn't just sex. And you're the first one I've ever made love to," she finished in a whisper. "What I'm feeling is so completely new to me, I'm not sure what to call it." She swallowed hard before continuing. "I don't know what love is, Chris. But what I feel when I'm with you is complete happiness, contentment, joy. And passion. Passion I didn't even know I had. And not just when we're like this, touching. Sometimes I look into your blue eyes, and I just want to go there, go inside you, let you surround me and protect me. And I know you would. You've been the one person I could count on, the one person who hasn't let me down."

Chris quietly rubbed Jessie's back while she spoke, her words touching Chris in places no one had been before. Her heart ached for this woman who had so much pain in her life. And so little love.

"Jessie, I'll always be someone you can count on. No matter what happens here or what happens when you leave, if you need me, you just say the word."

"Why, Chris? Why would you do that?" Jessie pulled away, trying so hard to read Chris's eyes.

"Because I..." Fm in love with you. Chris's throat closed completely, stifling the words that threatened to spill out. In love? "I care about you, Jessie. What happens to you matters to me."


Chapter Thirty-Six

The pasta casserole was great for a midnight snack, which was when they finally managed to get out of bed. Chris ate quietly as she watched Jessie moving around her kitchen, refilling her wineglass as she passed by.

"Why are you watching me?" Jessie asked, her back still to Chris.

"Can't I watch you?"

Jessie wanted to tell Chris she could watch her for the rest of her life, but she didn't want to scare her off. She suspected she had already disrupted Chris's orderly life with her timid declaration earlier. Not a declaration of love, exactly. That was still a foreign concept to her. But she knew what she felt for Chris was not simply sexual attraction. Chris had come into her life and captured her very soul. But was that love? She turned around and found Chris still watching her. She met those blue eyes head on, searching for what, she wasn't sure. Love? Did Chris's feelings for her go deeper than this physical attraction? With Chris, it was hard to tell. She was affectionate in so many ways with so many different people, it was hard for Jessie to tell if her feelings ran deeper. Oh, but when they made love, the way Chris touched her, surely...

"Jessie?"

Jessie blinked, focusing again on the blue eyes staring at her. Chris arched an eyebrow.

"Sorry, McKenna. I guess I spaced out."

"Is everything okay? I mean, do you want to talk?"

"No, no, I'm fine. I was just thinking." She grinned as she sat down at the table and resumed her dinner. "I guess I'm tired. We haven't exactly gotten much sleep in the last few days."

"We can sleep in today," Chris offered.

"Well, I promised Annie I would take her to Sacramento. She wants to shop for Thanksgiving. That is, if the roads are clear."

"They should be. It stopped snowing." Chris shoved her plate away and sat with her wineglass in front of her. "You know, Jessie, I'm really glad you and Annie are taking the time to get to know one another again. I was afraid you would come here and talk to her and leave again, and just go on about your life. I'm glad you're letting Annie into your life."

"Maybe that was my intention, originally. I don't know. Honestly, I never really had a plan, McKenna." Then she laughed a little. "I never have a plan when it comes to my life."


Chapter Thirty-seven

Chris's boots crunched across the snow on the sidewalk and she scraped them off before going into the ranger station. The roads were clear and traffic was heading into tiny Sierra City. The weather was perfect for skiing and the lodge was packed when she drove past earlier. She glanced at her watch. Nearly noon. Jessie and Annie were probably on their way to Sacramento by now. She had talked to Annie on the phone, who sounded as excited as Chris had ever heard her. The meal she was planning for Thanksgiving would feed twenty, Chris was sure.

"I'm going to ask Jessie to take me to dinner at one of those fancy restaurants, Chris. It's been years since I've dined out. Oh, and we're going to the mall, too. I can't remember the last time I shopped for new clothes."

They would be back late, Chris knew. She was disappointed she wouldn't get to spend the evening with Jessie, but she was glad Annie was getting to spend this time alone with her.

"Hey, McKenna," Roger greeted her when she stuck her head in his office. "Didn't expect to see you today."

Chris shrugged. Her cabin was lonely.

"Thought I'd help out. I see Hatcher's being tour guide," she said, motioning with her head to the group of skiers Robert Hatcher was talking to.

"You know, McKenna, he probably likes you even less than you like him. What's up with that? I don't think I've ever seen you two even have a conversation before."

"He's useless. He's lazy. And he thinks he's God's gift to women."

Roger smiled. "He hit on you, didn't he?"

"Yes, he did. First time we met. When I turned him down, he called me a fucking dyke. I was forced to agree with him," she said with a grin.

"Hey, McKenna, just the woman I need to see."

Chris turned at Mart's greeting, offering him a smile.

"Hi, Matt. What's up?"

"Can I talk to you a minute?" He glanced at Roger. "Privately?"

"Sure. I'll talk to you later, Roger."

She followed Matt down the short hallway to the makeshift kitchen in the back. Matt glanced back down the hallway before closing the door.

"What the hell's going on?" she asked and she perched on the edge of the table, crossing her feet at the ankles. "Secret?"

"Sort of. I finally invited Donna to dinner. Last night. We had a great time," he said.

"What did you cook?" she asked.

"It doesn't matter, McKenna," he said impatiently. "That's not what I want to talk to you about."

"Well, was it at least nice? It wasn't hamburgers, was it?"

"I got one of those frozen lasagna dinners at Ellen's. Garlic bread and a salad."

"Wine?"

"Beer."

"Beer? Matt, you served beer with lasagna for your romantic dinner? I thought I taught you better," she teased.

"Will you stop with the menu already?"

"Okay, I'm sorry. What's on your mind?"

"I kissed her."

Chris grinned and playfully punched his arm.

"Well, way to go, man. And?"

"And I think it surprised the hell out of her. But, well, it was just the one and it's not like she slapped me or anything. In fact, she invited me over tonight," he said.

"Well that's great. What's the problem?"

"What does it mean?"

"It means she likes you, I guess," Chris said. "Isn't that what you wanted?"

"What is she expecting?"

"Well how the hell should I know?"

"You're a woman, McKenna! What does she want?"

"Matt, maybe she just wants to spend the evening with you, have dinner again, talk, get to know you better. Are you afraid?"

"What if she wants sex?"

"Bring condoms," she teased.

"McKenna!"

"Will you lighten up? What if she does?"

"I'm not ready," he said. "I don't want it to be like that."

"You don't want a sexual relationship with her?"

"Yes. Just not on our second date." He looked at the closed door again before continuing. "McKenna, I think I love her. I mean, I think I might want to marry her."

"Good God, Matt. You've had one date. Are you trying to scare her to death?"

"We've had one date, but we've known each other since I came here. We've talked for hours. I feel like she's the one I was meant to be with."

"That's fine, Matt, but slow down. Last night was her first hint that you wanted more than friendship. Give her a chance to get used to this before you propose, okay? And what the hell is wrong with having sex? Please don't tell me you plan to wait until your wedding night?"

"No, of course not. But I don't want to make it into some cheap affair, either."

"You know, Matt, you are a rare breed." She stepped closer and gave him a hug. "Donna is a lucky woman."

"So, if I don't do anything more than kiss her again, she won't think I'm weird?"

Chris laughed. "She won't think you're weird. She'll think you're a gentleman."

"Thanks, McKenna. And you'll just keep this between us, right?"

"Of course."

Chris watched him nearly skip down the hall and she laughed. Love was in the air for sure.

"What was that all about?" Roger asked when Chris plopped down in the chair across from him.

"Private," she said. "Secret. Can't tell."

"Come on," he coaxed.

"Nope."

"Fine. I don't want to know, anyway. I've got enough to worry about. There's another damn storm out there," he said.

"This one wasn't bad, Roger. Only four or five inches in town."