"I am, aren't I?"
Instead of answering — because, to be honest, the actor in the movie was pretty fine — I closed the gap between us and kissed Randy again. We sat there on his bed making out for a while, but after a few minutes I felt Randy's hand on the small of my back as he tried to ease me backward.
I pulled away, putting a hand on his chest. "No — I mean, not tonight."
For a second I felt guilty, as Randy's hands dropped away from me and he turned to stare in the other direction. We'd really had a wonderful night, and I hated to ruin it by upsetting him.
But I'd taken an oath, and it would be worth it in the end. The rivalry would be over soon, and Randy and I could have many more perfect dates just like this one.
"You want to watch a movie or something?" I asked, standing up and straightening my skirt over my thighs.
"I don't understand," he said. "The night has been so great — you had a good time, right?"
"Yes. Of course I did."
"Then why not end it on a good note? Make it special?"
"I just… don't feel like it tonight. But we can watch a movie or something, and that will end it on a good note, too."
"We just watched a movie."
"We can watch another one."
"Lissa," he whined, giving me puppy-dog eyes, "please? If you don't want to, we can, like, do other stuff." His suggestive smirk made it clear that "other stuff" didn't mean watching a movie.
I stared down at the carpet, fiddling with the hem of my skirt. "I told you. I just don't feel like it tonight."
He tilted his head to one side and stuck out his lip like a pouting toddler. "Come on. I'll do anything. I'll beg." He flopped onto his back, sticking his hands in the air like a dog waiting for his belly to be rubbed. He even made whimpering pup noises.
"Stop it," I said. "You're silly."
"You love me."
"I do."
He sat up and looked at me seriously. "Then why not?"
I could have told him about the strike then, about our demands that the rivalry end, but I couldn't force the words out. After the good date, I didn't want to upset Randy more than I had to — and I knew that finding out about the strike wouldn't exactly lighten his mood.
"I'm kind of tired," I told him. "I got up early this morning to finish some homework and I'm just exhausted. I'm sorry. But you don't have to take me home yet. We can just curl up on the couch…. What do you say?"
Randy sighed and stood up. "Yeah, I guess that sounds okay. This night is supposed to be all about you, after all." He kissed me on the cheek. "But this means we have to have a night all about me soon, where everything goes my way." He grinned and
squeezed my shoulder before heading out of the room and walking downstairs.
That won't be happening anytime soon, I thought guiltily, before following him down to the living room, where we ended our date with a little couch cuddling and a Leonardo DiCaprio movie.
Chapter nine
"Hey, Lissa!"
I was on my way to AP US History the next Tuesday afternoon when Susan Port, girlfriend of Luther, a linebacker, caught my arm. Before I could jerk away, she dragged me into the closest girls' bathroom.
"You," she began, letting go of my arm and spinning to face me. I flinched, thinking I was in trouble. Like maybe she was mad at me for some reason — and that wouldn't have boded well for me. Susan was on the girls' basketball team. She was, like, five-eleven and built. If she wanted to, she could have really hurt me.
But when our eyes met, a huge grin spread across her face.
"You, Lissa Daniels, are a fucking genius."
I sighed with relief, and Susan laughed.
"For real," she said. "Luther and I went out on Saturday night. We went to The Nest, and I looked good. I mean, Beyoncé good. He wanted to take me up to Lyndway Hill for a little fun afterward, but I totally made him drive me home instead. He was so confused. He would have done anything."
"I'm glad it's working," I said, tugging on the bottom of my shirt. I was also glad that her reservations about the ethicality of using sex seemed to have faded. "I knew it would work, of course, but it's nice to hear other people are, uh, having success."
"I know what you mean."
She moved to face the mirror, searching for nonexistent blemishes on her perfect complexion. I was sure she was right about how she'd looked Saturday night. Even in her sweatpants and oversized T-shirt, Susan looked like a queen, her black hair pulled up into a simple ponytail at the top of her head, accenting her high cheekbones. Poor Luther.
"Actually," Susan said after a moment, "I was thinking: Maybe the other girls would feel the same way. Like, it might make them more confident if they heard everyone else's stories."
"Maybe," I said. "Oh, we could e-mail our stories to one another through the e-mail chain I set up. That would be — "
"I was actually thinking more along the lines of slumber parties," she cut in, turning back to me. "With all twelve of us, plus whatever soccer girlfriends joined. It'll be crowded as hell, but it might still be fun. I can host the first one. This weekend? Like, after the game Friday?"
I hesitated. Images of pillows being tossed and furniture being overturned coursed through my mind. I wasn't exactly
a slumber-party expert, but I could just picture the chaos of twelve-plus girls piled into one room. I mean, I could barely sleep sharing a room with just Chloe. Twelve girls? It wasn't something I thought I'd particularly enjoy.
But the other girls would. Susan was looking at me with such excitement, such certainty that this would help the others. I had to put the cause before my own control issues. I had to think of Randy and Pete and the other boys who had been hurt in this feud.
Knowing I would likely regret it later, I said, "That sounds like a great idea, Susan."
So that afternoon I sent out an e-mail to all the girls who had taken the oath in the library last Tuesday, instructing them to be at Susan's house on Cherry Drive no later than nine on Friday night, once the football game ended. After double- and triple-checking the e-mail for spelling and punctuation, I wrote a postscript to Ellen that she should forward the message to the soccer players' girlfriends she'd convinced to join us. Then I clicked send.
"You okay?" Cash asked when I'd shut off the library computer from which I'd sent the e-mail. Our shift was about to start, and this time, he'd arrived early.
"Yes. Why wouldn't I be?" I asked a little too harshly.
Cash shrugged his shoulders. "I don't know," he said. "You just look really stressed."
"I always look stressed," I told him.
"Well, we should do something about that," he said, giving me a smile as he brushed past me, carrying a stack of autobiographies.
"Oh, yeah?" I asked. "And how do we plan on doing that?"
He looked over his shoulder at me. "I could think of a few ways."
I gaped, shocked that he was being so suggestive.
Cash's face shifted into an expression of horror and he spun around to face me. "Oh — I didn't mean it like that." He shook his head and adjusted the books in his arms. "I was going to say, like, yoga or journaling or whatever it is people do to relieve… Yeah. Sorry."
But I was laughing now. I couldn't help it — he just looked so abashed. "Don't worry about it. I'll be gentle." The words slipped out of my mouth before I remembered that I was referencing our night over the summer — the night I was pretending never happened.
Cash chuckled and winked at me. "How do you know I don't want it rough?"
Okay, that time it definitely wasn't an accident.
But Cash walked away toward the bookshelves, leaving me with my eyes clenched shut in embarrassment. It wasn't like I could tell him off for flirting with me when, admittedly, I'd kind of started it.
I grabbed a few children's books and ran upstairs to shelve them, putting an entire floor between Cash and me. Unfortunately, less than ten minutes later, Jenna found me hiding out.
"What are you doing?" she asked, raising an eyebrow at me.
"Nothing," I said, pretending to re-alphabetize the shelf in front of me. "My job. Why?"
"That shelf is fine," she said. "But Cash needs your help downstairs. I just checked in a bunch of books and I need you two to put them away."
I sighed. I'd hoped to avoid him for the rest of the afternoon. I should have known it wouldn't work.
I started to walk toward the stairs, but Jenna called after me. "Hey, Lissa?"
"Yes?" I was hoping she would change her mind, assign me to do something away from Cash.
"Is, um… Is your brother picking you up tonight?"
"Yeah. Why?"
"No reason… Okay, what are you waiting for? Chop, chop. Cash is waiting for you."
I rolled my eyes and kept walking. Oh, God, Jenna had a thing for Logan. I so didn't need to know that.
Cash smiled at me when I reached the first floor. "Hey," he said. "I've already piled the returned books here." He gestured to the cart. "Now we just need to put them away."
I nodded, not trusting myself to say anything. It seemed like every time I opened my mouth around Cash, I said things I shouldn't. I had a boyfriend, after all. One I really loved. I didn't know what it was about Cash, either. I wasn't normally the flirting type — far from it. And I didn't even like him. Not anymore.
I also didn't understand why he was working at the library
with me right now. Didn't he have soccer practice? Friends to hang out with? Other girls to reject?
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