Crack!

Shit. Shit. I’ve stepped on a twig.

For an instant I consider running. But it’s too late, their heads have already appeared over the garden fence, Tom’s all pink and distressed, and Lucy’s tight with anger.

“Oh, hi!” I say, trying to look relaxed. “How are you? I’m just… um… having a little stroll… and I dropped my… hanky.”

“Your hanky?” Lucy looks suspiciously at the ground. “I can’t see any hanky.”

“Well… erm… So… how’s married life?”

“Fine,” says Lucy shortly. “Congratulations, by the way.”

“Thanks.”

There’s an awkward pause, and I find myself running my eyes over Lucy’s outfit, taking in her top (black polo-neck, probably M&S), trousers (Earl Jeans, quite cool, actually), and boots (high-heeled with laces, Russell & Bromley).

This is something I’ve always done, checking out people’s clothes and listing them in my mind like on a fashion page. I thought I was the only one who did it. But then I moved to New York — and there, everyone does it. Seriously, everybody. The first time you meet anyone, whether it’s a rich society lady or a doorman, they give you a swift, three-second top-to-toe sweep. You can see them costing your entire outfit to the nearest dollar before they even say hello. I call it the Manhattan Onceover.

“So how’s New York?”

“It’s great! Really exciting… I love my job… it’s such a great place to live!”

“I’ve never been,” says Tom wistfully. “I wanted to go there for our honeymoon.”

“Tom, don’t start that again,” says Lucy sharply. “OK?”

“Maybe I could come and visit,” says Tom. “I could come for the weekend.”

“Er… yes! Maybe! You could both come…” I tail off lamely as Lucy rolls her eyes and stomps toward the house. “Anyway, lovely to see you and I’m glad married life is treating you… er… treating you, anyway.”


I hurry back into the kitchen, dying to tell Mum what I just heard, but it’s empty.

“Hey, Mum!” I call. “I just saw Tom and Lucy!”

I hurry up the stairs, and Mum is halfway down the loft ladder, pulling down a big white squashy bundle all wrapped up in plastic.

“What’s that?” I ask, helping her to get it down.

“Don’t say anything,” she says, with suppressed excitement. “Just…” Her hands are trembling as she unzips the plastic cover. “Just… look!”

“It’s your wedding dress!” I say in astonishment as she pulls out the white frothy lace. “I didn’t know you still had that!”

“Of course I’ve still got it!” She brushes away some sheets of tissue paper. “Thirty years old, but still as good as new. Now, Becky, it’s only a thought…”

“What’s a thought?” I say, helping her to shake out the train.

“It might not even fit you…”

Slowly I look up at her. She’s serious.

“Actually, I don’t think it will,” I say, trying to sound casual. “I’m sure you were much thinner than me! And… shorter.”

“But we’re the same height!” says Mum in puzzlement. “Oh, go on, try it, Becky!”

Five minutes later I stare at myself in the mirror in Mum’s bedroom. I look like a sausage roll in layered frills. The bodice is tight and lacy, with ruffled sleeves and a ruffled neckline. It’s tight down to my hips where there are more ruffles, and then it fans out into a tiered train.

I have never worn anything less flattering in my life.

“Oh, Becky!” I look up — and to my horror, Mum’s in tears. “I’m so silly!” she says, laughing and brushing at her eyes. “It’s just… my little girl, in the dress I wore…”

“Oh, Mum…” Impulsively I give her a hug. “It’s a… a really lovely dress…”

How exactly do I add, But I’m not wearing it?

“And it fits you perfectly,” gulps Mum, and rummages for a tissue. “But it’s your decision.” She blows her nose. “If you don’t think it suits you… just say so. I won’t mind.”

“I… well…”

Oh God.

“I’ll… think about it,” I manage at last, and give Mum a lame smile.


We put the wedding dress back in its bag, and have some sandwiches for lunch, and watch an old episode of Changing Rooms on the new cable telly Mum and Dad have had installed. And then, although it’s a bit early, I go upstairs and start getting ready to see Elinor. Luke’s mother is one of those Manhattan women who always look completely and utterly immaculate, and today of all days I want to match her in the smartness stakes.

I put on the DKNY suit I bought myself for Christmas, brand-new tights, and my new Prada sample sale shoes. Then I survey my appearance carefully, looking all over for specks or creases. I’m not going to be caught out this time. I’m not going to have a single stray thread or crumpled bit which her beady X-ray eyes can zoom in on.

I’ve just about decided that I look OK, when Mum comes busting into my bedroom. She’s dressed smartly in a purple Windsmoor suit and her face is glowing with anticipation.

“How do I look?” she says with a little laugh. “Smart enough for Claridges?”

“You look lovely, Mum! That color really suits you. Let me just…”

I reach for a tissue, dampen it under the tap, and wipe at her cheeks where she’s copied Janice’s badger-look approach to blusher.

“There. Perfect.”

“Thank you, darling!” Mum peers at herself in the wardrobe mirror. “Well, this will be nice. Meeting Luke’s mother at last.”

“Mmm,” I say noncommittally.

“I expect we’ll get to be quite good friends! What with getting together over the wedding preparations… You know, Margot across the road is such good friends with her son-in-law’s mother, they take holidays together. She says she hasn’t lost a daughter, she’s gained a friend!”

Mum sounds really excited. How can I prepare her for the truth?

“And Elinor certainly sounds lovely! The way Luke describes her. He seems so fond of her!”

“Yes, he is,” I admit grudgingly. “Incredibly fond.”

“He was telling us this morning about all the wonderful charity work she does. She must have a heart of gold!”

As Mum prattles on, I tune out and remember a conversation I had with Luke’s stepmum, Annabel, when she and his dad came out to visit us.

I completely adore Annabel. She’s very different from Elinor, much softer and quieter, but with a lovely smile that lights up her whole face. She and Luke’s father live in a sleepy area of Devon near the beach, and I really wish we could spend more time with them. But Luke left home at eighteen, and he hardly ever goes back. In fact, I get the feeling he thinks his father slightly wasted his life by settling down as a provincial lawyer, instead of conquering the world.

When they came to New York, Annabel and I ended up having an afternoon alone together. We walked around Central Park talking about loads of different things, and it seemed as though no subject was off-limits. So at last I took a deep breath and asked her what I’ve always wanted to know — which is how she can stand Luke being so dazzled by Elinor. I mean, Elinor may be his biological mother, but Annabel has been there for him all his life. She was the one who looked after him when he was ill and helped him with his homework and cooked his supper every night. And now she’s been pushed aside.

For an instant I could see the pain in Annabel’s face. But then she kind of smiled and said she completely understood it. That Luke had been desperate to know his real mother since he was a tiny child, and now that he was getting the chance to spend time with her, he should be allowed to enjoy it.

“Imagine your fairy godmother came along,” she said. “Wouldn’t you be dazzled? Wouldn’t you forget about everyone else for a while? He needs this time with her.”

“She’s not his fairy godmother!” I retorted. “She’s the wicked old witch!”

“Becky, she’s his natural mother,” Annabel said, with a gentle reproof. Then she changed the subject. She wouldn’t bitch about Elinor, or anything.

Annabel is a saint.

“It’s such a shame they didn’t get to see each other while Luke was growing up!” Mum is saying. “What a tragic story.” She lowers her voice, even though Luke’s left the house. “Luke was telling me only this morning how his mother was desperate to take him with her to America. But her new American husband wouldn’t allow it! Poor woman. She must have been in misery. Leaving her child behind!”

“Well, yes, maybe,” I say, feeling a slight rebellion. “Except… she didn’t have to leave, did she? If she was in so much misery, why didn’t she tell the new husband where to go?”

Mum looks at me in surprise. “That’s very harsh, Becky.”

“Oh… I suppose so.” I give a little shrug and reach for my lip liner.

I don’t want to stir things up before we even begin. So I won’t say what I really think, which is that Elinor never showed any interest in Luke until his PR company started doing so well in New York. Luke has always been desperate to impress her — in fact, that’s the real reason he expanded to New York in the first place, though he won’t admit it. But she completely ignored him, like the cow she is, until he started winning a few really big contracts and being mentioned in the papers and she suddenly realized he could be useful to her. Just before Christmas, she started her own charity — the Elinor Sherman Foundation — and made Luke a director. Then she had a great big gala concert to launch it — and guess who spent about twenty-five hours a day helping her out with it until he was so exhausted, Christmas was a complete washout?

But I can’t say anything to him about it. When I once brought up the subject, Luke got all defensive and said I’d always had a problem with his mother (which is kind of true) and she was sacrificing loads of her time to help the needy and what more did I want, blood?