“Bex — don’t worry about it. Just come and sit down, or something.” Suze clutches the Clinique bottles to her and peers at me uncertainly. “Would you like a drink or something?”

“No!” I make myself smile. “I’m all right, Suze! I’ve decided the best thing is just to get on, and not think about what’s happened. In fact — I’d rather we didn’t talk about it at all.”

“Really?” says Suze. “Well… OK. If you’re sure that’s what you want.”

“That’s what I want.” I take a deep breath. “Really. I’m fine. So, how are you?”

“I’m OK,” says Suze, and gives me another anxious look. “Bex, you look really pale. Have you eaten anything?”

“Airplane food. You know.” I take off my coat with trembling fingers and hang it on a peg.

“Was the… the flight OK?” says Suze.

“It was great!” I say with a forced brightness. “They were showing the new Billy Crystal film.”

“Billy Crystal!” says Suze. She gives me a hesitant glance, as though I’m some psychotic patient who has to be handled carefully. “Was it a… a good film? I love Billy Crystal.”

“Yes, it was. It was a good film. I was really enjoying it, actually.” I swallow hard. “Until my earphones stopped working in the middle.”

“Oh dear!” says Suze.

“It was a really crucial bit. Everyone else on the plane was laughing away — and I couldn’t hear anything.” My voice starts to wobble treacherously. “So I… I asked this stewardess if I could have some new earphones. But she didn’t understand what I meant, and she got really ratty with me because she was trying to serve drinks… And then I didn’t want to ask her again. So I don’t quite know how the film finished. But apart from that, it was really good…” Suddenly I give a huge sob. “And you know, I can always rent it on video or something…”

“Bex!” Suze’s face crumples in dismay and she drops the Clinique bottles on the floor. “Oh God, Bex. Come here.” She envelops me in a hug, and I bury my head in her shoulder.

“Oh, it’s all awful,” I weep. “It was just so humiliating, Suze. Luke was so cross… and they canceled my screen test… and suddenly it was like… like I had some infectious disease or something. And now nobody wants to know me, and I’m not going to move to New York after all…”

I look up, wiping my eyes — and Suze’s face is all pink and distressed.

“Bex, I feel so bad,” she exclaims.

“You feel bad? Why should you feel bad?”

“It’s all my fault. I was such a moron! I let that girl from the paper in here, and she probably poked about when I was making her cup of stupid coffee. I mean, why did I have to offer her coffee? It’s all my stupid fault.”

“Of course it’s not!”

“Will you ever forgive me?”

“Will I ever forgive you?” I stare at her, my face quivering. “Suze… I should be asking you to forgive me! You tried to keep tabs on me. You tried to warn me, but I didn’t even bother to call you back… I was just so… stupid, so thoughtless…”

“No, you weren’t!”

“I was.” I give another huge sob. “I just don’t know what happened to me in New York. I went mad. Just… the shops… all these meetings… I was going to be this huge star and earn loads of money… And then it all just disappeared.”

“Oh, Bex!” Suze is practically crying herself. “I feel so terrible!”

“It’s not your fault!” I reach for a tissue and blow my nose. “If it’s anyone’s fault, it’s The Daily World’s.”

“I hate them!” says Suze savagely. “They should be strung up and flogged. That’s what Tarkie said.”

“Oh right,” I say after a pause. “So… he… he saw it, did he?”

“To be honest, Bex — I think most people saw it,” says Suze reluctantly.

I feel a painful lurch as I think about Janice and Martin reading it. About Tom and Lucy reading it. All my old school friends and teachers reading it. All the people I’ve ever known, reading my most humiliating secrets.

“Look, come on,” says Suze. “Leave all your stuff. Let’s have a nice cup of tea.”

“OK,” I say after a pause. “That would be really nice.” I follow her into the kitchen and sit down, leaning against the warm radiator for comfort.

“So — how are things going with Luke now?” says Suze cautiously as she puts on the kettle.

“Not great.” I fold my arms tightly round myself. “In fact… it’s not going at all.”

“Really?” Suze gazes at me in dismay. “God, Bex, what happened?”

“Well, we had this big row…”

“About the article?”

“Kind of.” I reach for a tissue and blow my nose. “He said it messed up his deal, and I was obsessed by shopping. And I said he was obsessed with work… and I… I said his mother was a… a complete cow…”

“You called his mother a cow?” Suze looks so taken aback, I give a shaky giggle.

“Well, she is! She’s awful. And she doesn’t even love Luke. But he can’t see it… all he wants is to land the biggest deal in the world and impress her. He can’t think about anything else but that.”

“So what happened then?” says Suze, handing me a mug of tea.

I bite my lip, remembering that last painful conversation we had, while I was waiting for my taxi to take me to the airport. The polite stilted voices, the way we didn’t look each other in the eye.

“Before I left, I said I didn’t think he had time for a proper relationship at the moment.”

“Really?” Suze’s eyes widen. “You called it off?”

“I didn’t mean to.” My voice is barely above a whisper. “I wanted him to say he did have time. But he didn’t say anything. It was… awful.”

“Oh, Bex.” Suze stares at me over her mug. “Oh, Bex.”

“Still, never mind,” I say, trying to sound upbeat. “It’s probably all for the best.” I take a sip of tea and close my eyes. “Oh God, that’s good. That’s so good.” For a while I’m silent, letting the steam warm my face, feeling myself relax. I take a few more sips, then open my eyes. “They just cannot make tea in America. I went to one place, and they gave me this… cup full of hot water, and a tea bag in a packet. And the cup was see-through.”

“Ooh.” Suze pulls a face. “Yuck.” She reaches for the tin of biscuits and takes out a couple of Hobnobs. “Who needs America, anyway?” she says robustly. “I mean, everyone knows American TV is rubbish. You’re better off here.”

“Maybe I am.” I stare into my mug for a while, then take a deep breath and look up. “You know, I thought a lot on the plane. I decided I’m going to make this a real turning point in my life. I’m going to concentrate on my career, and finish my book, and be really focused — and just…”

“Show them,” finishes Suze.

“Exactly. Just show them.”


It’s amazing what a bit of home comfort does for the spirit. Half an hour and three cups of tea later, I’m feeling a million times better. I’m even quite enjoying telling Suze about New York, and all the things I did. When I tell her about going to the spa, and where exactly they wanted to put a crystal tattoo, she starts laughing so hard she almost chokes.

“Hey,” I say, a sudden thought striking me. “Have you finished the KitKats?”

“No, I haven’t,” says Suze, wiping her eyes. “They seem to go more slowly when you’re not around. So, what did Luke’s mum say? Did she want to see the results?” And she starts gurgling with laughter again.

“Hang on, I’ll just get a couple,” I say, and start to head toward Suze’s room, where they’re kept.

“Actually—” says Suze, and her laughter abruptly stops. “No, don’t go in there.”

“Why?” I say, stopping in surprise. “What’s in your…” I tail off as Suze’s cheeks slowly turn pink. “Suze!” I say, backing quietly away from the door. “No. Is there someone in there?”

I stare at her, and she pulls her dressing gown around her defensively, without saying anything.

“I don’t believe it!” My voice squeaks incredulously. “I go away for five minutes and you start having a torrid affair!”

This is cheering me up more than anything else. There’s nothing like hearing a juicy piece of gossip to raise your spirits.

“It’s not a torrid affair!” says Suze at last. “It’s not an affair at all.”

“So, who is it? Do I know him?”

Suze gives me an agonized look.

“OK, just… I just have to explain. Before you… you jump to the wrong conclusion, or…” She closes her eyes. “God, this is hard.”

“Suze, what’s wrong?”

Suddenly there’s the sound of stirring from inside Suze’s bedroom, and we stare at each other.

“OK, listen. It was just a one-off,” she says quickly. “Just a… a really impetuous, stupid… I mean…”

“What’s wrong, Suze?” I pull a face. “Oh God, it’s not Nick, is it?”

Nick is Suze’s last boyfriend — the one who was constantly depressed and getting drunk and blaming Suze. A complete nightmare, to be honest. But I mean, that was over months ago.

“No, it’s not Nick. It’s… Oh God.”

“Suze—”

“OK! But you have to promise to—”

“To what?”

“To not… react.”

“Why should I react?” I say, laughing a little. “I mean, I’m not a prude! All we’re talking about is…”

I tail off as Suze’s door opens — and it’s only Tarquin, looking not at all bad, in chinos and the jumper I gave him.

“Oh,” I say in surprise. “I thought you were going to be Suze’s new—”

I break off and look at Suze with a grin.

But she doesn’t grin back. She’s chewing her nails, avoiding my eyes — and her cheeks growing redder and redder.

I glance at Tarquin — and he looks away, too.

No. No.

She can’t mean—

No.

But…

No.

My brain can’t cope with this. Something’s about to short-circuit.

“Erm, Tarquin,” says Suze, in a high-pitched voice. “Could you go and buy some croissants?”