Molly McAdams - Sharing You

Chief was silent for a long time as he thought about how to respond. “I get it, Saco, I do. I just hate to see you doing this to yourself, and I hate to see her family trying to destroy you and your career even more. This is going to sound heartless and is to be kept between you and me, but just know that helping her now may hurt you more in the end. Like I said, it may be worth it to let her family deal with it.”

I thought about my relationship with Kamryn, but pushed that to the back of my mind for now. “I appreciate the advice, Chief. But I need to keep trying.” I stood to leave, then turned to face him as I reached the door and asked my original question again. “So there’s nothing I can do that you know of?”

“No, sorry. Unless she does something suicidal, or something we can arrest her for, it ultimately has to be her decision to get help. I’m here if you need anything, Saco.”

“Thank you. I’ll be back before my shift tonight, there’s something I have to do.” I didn’t wait for him to respond, I just turned and made my way out of the police department.

I drove to the familiar lot and parked in the same spot I always do. With a deep breath in, I got out of my Expedition and walked the too-familiar path until I was standing in front of the piece of marble with Tate’s name and dates on it. Squatting down, I moved the stuffed monkey I’d placed there for his fifth birthday and traced the letters and numbers as I apologized again to my son.

After he died, my family and friends had all said that one day the pain would slowly start lessening, that one day it would get easier and I’d start moving on with my life. They were wrong. I still hated myself, the guilt still ate at me just as much as it had the day it happened, and my grief was as strong as ever. Kamryn was bringing me back to life, but with Tate gone, and with Olivia constantly throwing his death in my face, I didn’t know how to even begin to deal and move on from the sorrow that was always waiting in the background.

Placing the monkey back in front of the headstone, I pressed my fingers to my lips before touching the cool stone.

“I love you, little man. I’m so sorry.”

Kamryn

June 9, 2015

DROPPING THE TAKEOUT on the island in my kitchen, I took off for my bedroom and rushed to get into my pajamas. Just as I was slipping the shirt over my head, the doorbell rang, and I ran back through my condo to answer the door.

“Did you get the food?” Kinlee asked excitedly.

“Just got home from picking it up. Did you get the stuff for the drinks?”

She held up a large brown paper bag. “Pfft. Duh!” Turning to look at Jace, she made a shoo-ing motion with her hand. “You can go now, slave.”

He rolled his eyes, but smiled as he looked at me. “Call me if she gets too trashed. Otherwise I’ll be back at eleven.”

“See you then!”

After kissing my cheek, he grabbed Kinlee’s cheeks in his hands and kissed her hard. “Call me ‘slave’ again and see who doesn’t get that thing she likes tonight.”

Kinlee whined, “Babe! That’s not fair, you promised!”

“I think I just threw up,” I whispered.

“You gonna call me ‘slave’ again?”

“No,” she said and pouted.

“Then start counting down the hours until I—”

“I’m still standing here!” I yelled, cutting Jace off. “Still losing my appetite rapidly. Please leave.”

He laughed loudly and with another quick kiss to Kinlee’s forehead, turned and headed toward his truck.

“Y’all disgust me,” I said when he left.

Kinlee looked at me with a mischievous gleam in her eyes. “Well, he sure doesn’t disgust me.”

“Oh, my God! We’re done talking about this. Mexican food. Margaritas. Movie. No more thinking about you and Jace.”

She shrugged as we walked toward the kitchen. “You could always join us.”

I stopped walking and my jaw dropped. “Kinlee!”

“Oh, my God, you need to see your face!” she somehow managed to say between hard laughs. “Aw, Kace, you know I’m joking. But that was too perfect an opportunity to pass up—I had to say it. And your expression just shows me it was so worth it.”

I gagged and thought about anything other than Kinlee and Jace’s sex life. “Just make the freaking margaritas.”

Hours later, we had eaten way too much, were already well into being drunk, had finished one movie, and for whatever reason had thought it would be amazing to make our own choreography to songs.

“I need to sit! I need water, and I need to sit.” When I realized I was already on the couch, I laughed. “Okay, maybe just water.”

Kinlee flopped onto the couch and laid her head on my lap. “We’re amazing at that, don’t you think? I think we’re amazing. No one can dance like we can. We’re amazing.”

“Say ‘amazing’ again.”

“Amazing!” she yelled and attempted what I think was the running man . . . while lying down.

“I can’t move! I have never in my life been so tired.”

Kinlee quickly rolled onto her stomach and then up on her knees. “Kace! Where in the mother effing world are you from?”

I laughed and fell back into the cushions. “Why?”

She flipped her hair back and grabbed the glasses off my face before putting them on her own. “I have naverrrr, in mah lahfe . . . been so tard.”

Grabbing my glasses, I put them back on my face. “I don’t sound like that!”

“Yes, you do!” she yelled out, still trying to give herself a southern drawl. “I’ve known you almost a year—it’s about time you tell me.”

My laughter slowly died down as I took in Kinlee’s expectant expression, her eyes the most sober I’d seen them since our first margarita that night. I wanted to tell her, I wanted to tell her everything. Who I was, about Brody and me . . . all of it. But I couldn’t yet. Sitting back up, I grabbed on to her arm and looked her in the eye. “Lee, what if I told you I’m not ready for people to know about my life before I moved here?”

She pouted, but not because she wasn’t getting her way. “Was it really that bad, KC?”

“It might not have been as bad as you’re thinking it was. But it was something I hated, something I wanted so badly to get far away from. And now that I am away from it, I’m so happy. Happy to not have to be that girl or think about her anymore, if that makes sense. And I guess I’m not ready yet for anyone to even get a glimpse of who I was. I’m sorry if that hurts you, I want to tell you, Kinlee. I really do. I swear, when I’m ready to think about that girl again, you’ll be the first to know.”

A slow smile crossed her face, and she nodded hard once. “Now that is something I can deal with. As long as I know that someday I’ll know, then I’ll stop bugging you to tell me. But I’m never gonna stop bugging you about the way you talk.”

All expression left my face. “I really don’t talk weird.”

“Oh, yes, yes you do!” She stood, then had to steady herself for a few seconds. “Come on! One more margarita, and then I want to dance until Jace picks me up!” The bell rang, and she glared at the door. “No! Go home!”

“It’s open!” I yelled and waved at Jace when he walked into the living room.

“Hide me!” Kinlee whispered as she pushed me back and lay down on top of me.

“That is the exact opposite of hiding,” I said back to her and patted her back.

“Come on, drunkie. Time to go.” Jace lifted her off me and cradled her in his arms. “Looks like the two of you had fun tonight,” he said to me.

“Always.”

Kinlee smiled widely at me and waved as Jace carried her away. “Don’t forget, KC, you can always join in on the fun with Jace and me!”

Jace raised an eyebrow, and a horrified expression crossed my face. “Kinlee, go home and go to bed!”

“Do I want to know?” Jace asked.

“No. No, you don’t,” I assured him as I opened the front door.

With a nod, he turned and walked out the door with Kinlee still grinning in his arms.

Shutting the door, I went to the kitchen and began cleaning everything up from our girls’ night in, and just as I was finishing my phone chimed. I ran to get it, hope building in my chest as I pulled up the text.

B:

I can’t call tonight. I’m sorry. I miss you.

The hope that had been building quickly faded, and in its place was a feeling I felt myself drowning in, as I had so many nights before. One day, Kamryn, I chanted to myself. One day.

Kamryn

June 15, 2015

A LOW MOAN sounded in the back of my throat, and my head tilted back so it was resting against Brody’s shoulder as his lips and teeth tortured the sensitive spots on my neck. Pushing my bottom against him, my body heated as I felt his erection pressing against me.

“You need to go,” I said halfheartedly. It’d been a week and a half since we’d seen each other at the hotel. Now that I finally had him near me, I didn’t want him going anywhere. “What if Kinlee comes in and catches you?”

“She won’t.” He spoke against my neck. Goose bumps covered my arms as his lips softly brushed against my skin.

“You can’t know that. What if she sees your car?”

“Black Expeditions are everywhere. She isn’t going to see one and automatically think it’s mine.”

I started to speak again, but was quickly spun around, and then Brody’s mouth was on mine, effectively silencing me.

He parted my mouth, and I wrapped my arms around his neck when his tongue met mine. Never breaking the kiss, he searched blindly behind me until he hit the bowls I’d set down to wash and pushed them back before lifting me so I was on the counter. One of his hands stayed at the small of my back, the other traveled up and brushed against my breast.