Tara Sivec - Shame on Me

“What. The. Fuck?” Kennedy stutters as she stands in front of me with her hands on her hips.

“Is now a bad time to ask you if I can get a promotion?”

Right when I think Kennedy is going to punch me in the face, she wraps her arms around me and pulls me against her.

“If you wanted more work, all you had to do was ask. You didn’t need to go hunt down a fucking mobster,” she whispers against my hair.

“I just wanted you to see I could do something other than sit there and look pretty,” I admit.

My friends know the whole story about the way Andy used to parade me around. I’ve never really admitted to them how deep it hurt me, though. Until now.

Kennedy lets go of me and pulls back to stare at my face. “Is that seriously what you think? Paige, I trust you. I know how smart and courageous you are. I would have never asked you to be part of this business when we met in that self-defense class if I didn’t believe in you. I just wanted you to get your feet wet with easy stuff before I let you kick some real ass. I never once doubted your abilities.”

It’s very rare to hear Kennedy say something so heartfelt. She never wears her emotions on her sleeve. I feel a tear slide down my cheek before I can stop it. I should have trusted my friend to have faith in me.

“Oh, fuck. Don’t cry. You know I don’t do crying. It gives me hives. Where the hell is Lorelei?” Kennedy complains, looking around the room.

“She’s in court, most likely cutting off another set of balls to store in her purse,” Dallas replies sarcastically.

“One of these days, Dallas, she’s going to have your balls in her purse,” Kennedy tells him smugly.

“When pigs fly, dear Kennedy. When pigs fly,” Dallas laughs.

“Can we please go over the details one more time so I can stop freaking out so much?” Matt asks, interrupting Kennedy and Dallas’s back-and-forth over Lorelei.

“Melanie is already with Vinnie. He doesn’t usually take her on jobs, but she used her powers of persuasion to convince him to take her this time,” Ted explains.

“So you’re saying she spread her legs. Got it,” Kennedy adds. She turns to Matt and shrugs awkwardly at him. “Sorry.”

“No apology necessary. Why do you think I’m divorcing her?” Matt informs Kennedy.

“Anyway,” Ted continues. “Paige will go in with the money and make sure Andy is still alive. Melanie is going to start up an argument with Vinnie about his crush on Paige in an attempt to get him to admit to some of his recent activity so we can get it on tape. Otherwise, with his contacts, he’ll easily find a way around doing less time. He’ll be in and out of jail in no time, and then we’re back to square one. This is going to be our only shot to put this guy in prison for the rest of his life and we’re going to take it. As soon as we get something concrete on tape, we’ll come in and arrest Vinnie and get everyone out safely.”

The room is silent for a few minutes after Ted finishes his explanation.

“See? Piece of cake,” I tell Matt, trying to keep the nerves out of my voice so he doesn’t worry any more than he already is.

“So how do we know Melanie is actually going to do what she promised? She isn’t exactly the most honest person,” Kennedy asks.

“Last night, I took her on a trip to the women’s correctional facility. We had a little tour. She was still crying when I dropped her off at home an hour later, mumbling about bitches with the most packs of smokes and how she doesn’t want a prison tat,” Ted tells her with a smile. “I may or may not have told her that as soon as she walks in the door, she’ll be considered fresh meat and the words ‘she’s my bitch’ will be tattooed on her ass.”

Kennedy pats Ted on the back and looks at him with respect. “I knew there was a reason why I liked having you as a brother.”

“How can we be sure that Paige isn’t going to be in any danger? I mean, this is the Mob we’re talking about. What if they know she’s been in contact with the police and this whole thing is a setup?” Matt asks worriedly as he wraps his arms around me from behind, resting his chin on top of my head.

“There’s always that risk, Matt. I’m not going to lie. But we have a couple of informants on the inside who swear there hasn’t been any talk about this drop being a setup. They all just assume Paige is a ditsy model coming to bail out her ex,” Ted explains.

“Dammit, now I’m jealous. Paige gets to go in there, act all stupid and giggly, and help take down one of the biggest crime rings in the state, and I have to go back and finish delivering a boring subpoena,” Kennedy says.

“Wanna trade places? I can do your makeup and hair and put you in something really cute. We can practice your giggles,” I tell her with a smile.

“On second thought, Paige is a much better choice for this job. Good luck.” Kennedy gives me a thumbs-up and takes a seat at her desk.

“Don’t be too sad. We can celebrate by getting our hair highlighted next week. I got us a new stylist.”

Kennedy scowls at me and I can’t help but laugh. Laughing feels better than curling up in the fetal position in the corner, rocking back and forth in fear. It’s not like I haven’t been trained for this. Kennedy made Lorelei and me take a private investigator course online so we could get our PI license. But studying and taking tests online is a little easier than walking into a situation I might not be prepared for. I’m pretty sure the course never covered the topic of “Taking Down a Crime Ring without Dying.” If all else fails, though, at least Kennedy made sure these last few months that my self-defense skills are top-notch.

“Paige, can you say a few things so I can test the sound level of your mic?” Ted asks as he walks over to Kennedy’s desk and types a few things into the laptop he placed there earlier.

“I can take down a crime ring without dying.”

Matt’s shoulders slump and he hangs his head. “This really isn’t making me feel better right now.”

I give him a sympathetic smile and I’m overcome with the urge to tell him I love him. I don’t know where that thought comes from, but it’s right there, front and center and on the tip of my tongue. It’s crazy, though. I mean, I just met him. Do I really love him, or am I just scared to death that I’m not going to come out of this alive?

While Kennedy, Ted, and Dallas are busy fiddling with the sound levels with the microphone app on the computer, I take the time to stare at Matt’s profile. He really looks nervous and scared. Nervous and scared for me. He keeps running his hand through his hair and sighing. Even though we haven’t known each other that long, I know it’s a sign that he’s trying to keep it together.

Matt turns his head and catches me looking at him. He comes over to me and pulls me up against him. I breathe in his fresh, clean scent and let the warmth of his body calm me.

“Promise me that you’ll be careful. I need you to come back to me, Paige,” he whispers in my ear.

Shame on me for thinking it was crazy to be already in love with this man.

It’s okay, Giovanni, you can let her in.”

The goon by the front door of an abandoned church steps aside when he receives his orders from across the room. He doesn’t put his gun away as I walk through the doors.

The church looks like it hasn’t been closed for very long; I can still smell incense from Sunday morning church services. It must have soaked into the walls. There are pews scattered throughout the huge, vaulted-ceilinged room, but some have been ripped up from the floorboards and moved around so there’s more of a wide-open space. There’s a large statue of the Virgin Mary staring down at me right next to the door. Even though my mother is the religious one in the family, I still say a quick prayer to her that I make it out of this alive. Hopefully she’s forgiving of the fact that I am not a regular churchgoer. Or a virgin.

I swallow nervously when I see Vinnie DeMarco lounging in a pew across the room, his big, beefy arms resting on the back. I only got a quick glimpse of him the night Matt and I saw him with Melanie at Blake’s Seafood Restaurant, but I’ve seen plenty of pictures. He reminds me of Tony Soprano: receding hairline and a belly that sticks out of his three-piece suit, proving that he has a weakness for pasta and a dislike of anything involving exercise. The butterflies in my stomach calm down when I think about all of the episodes when Tony doted on his kids and kindly gave money to the hookers he screwed. But then I start thinking about the hookers he killed and the butterflies are back in full force, trying to claw their way out of my stomach.

“Come closer. I won’t bite,” Vinnie tells me with a smirk.

Taking a deep breath, I make my way to him, my heels clicking on the hardwood floor, the sound echoing around the room. When I get right up in front of Vinnie, he removes his arms from the back of the pew and folds them in his lap.

“I must say, you are more stunning in person than you are in magazines, Paige McCarty.”

The sound of my name on his lips gives me chills. He practically purrs and it makes me want to vomit.

“Take off your shirt.”

His sudden command catches me off guard and my eyes go wide. “Excuse me?”

Vinnie gets up from the pew; his large body makes the wood creak loudly.

“Forgive me if that seemed a little forward. Sometimes I forget my manners. Would you please remove your shirt?”

I’ve quickly gone from nervous and scared to pissed off. Who the hell does he think he is?

“I’m not having sex with you.”