Kyle felt sick. “God, how can anyone be that cruel? How can she do it to her?”

“She does it because she knows she still can. Don’t you see? It’s still the same dynamic. Dane lets her do it. And then she hates herself for what she sees as her own weakness. She must have gone to—to whomever it is she goes to—because she wanted to forget her own powerlessness. Having you see it happen must have made it much worse for her.”

“But I went after her!” Kyle cried, “She didn’t have to run from me!”

“But how could she stay?” Caroline persisted. “She must have felt humiliated in your eyes.”

“That’s crazy!” Kyle protested. “Sex is one thing—love, feelings—that’s something else.”

“Not for Dane,” Caroline said.

“So now what am I supposed to do?” Kyle said, slumping into a chair. “How do I reach her now?”

Caroline shook her head. “I don’t know. I guess you’ll have to wait for Dane to realize that she’s still worth loving.”

“I can’t just sit around while she tortures herself! She may never let me in!”

“What else can you do?”

Kyle got up, her face set. “When she’s well, tell her I was here. Tell her you talked to me. Tell her I know. And tell her that I want her—that I’m waiting for her. Will you do that?”

Caroline nodded as she watched Kyle walk determinedly from the room.

CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

KYLE WORKED IN her shop from first light until well into the night, day after day. She burned with an inextinguishable anger, even as her heart ached with despair. She didn’t go out. She couldn’t stand the thought of going to the bars and being surrounded by women when she felt so alone. When she couldn’t sleep at night she rode for miles on her Harley, sometimes parking on an overlook, staring out at the ocean until the sun came up. Nancy came to the shop most days, but never questioned her about her silence. If Kyle had been more aware of Nancy’s presence, she would have found it odd.

Thoughts of Dane were never far from her mind. She watched the days on the calendar turn into weeks, and still no word from her. She called Anne at the kennel several times to ask how Dane was doing. The last time she called, Anne sounded especially harried.

“Caroline and Dane are at our cabin in the mountains. I haven’t heard a thing from them in three days. There’s a show coming up next week, and if I don’t hear something soon, I’ll have to cancel our entries. I can’t possibly handle everything myself.”

“Can I help?” Kyle asked. She knew Anne must be having a hard time through all of this herself.

“What do you know about handling dogs?”

Kyle laughed. “Not a thing. But I suppose I could walk them around or something.”

“Give me a few days,” Anne replied. “If they don’t show up, I’ll call you.”

Kyle had said fine. She immersed herself again in her lonely routine. Late one morning Nancy came in and stared at the amount of work waiting for her to finish.

“God, Kyle. How did you get so far ahead of me? There must be a dozen pieces here.”

Kyle glanced up absently, then gaped at her.

“Nancy! You look awful. What’s wrong?” Kyle couldn’t believe how thin and drawn Nancy looked. She was stylishly attired as usual, but it didn’t hide her worn appearance.

“Nothing,” Nancy said, looking away uncomfortably. When she reached for her coveralls, Kyle detected a fine tremor in her hands.

“Bullshit!” Kyle exploded. “What’s going on?”

“I said it was nothing!” Nancy snapped. “You haven’t been looking so great yourself.”

Kyle dropped her sander and walked over to Nancy. “I know. I’ve been a bitch to be around. Come on, let’s go up to the house and talk.”

Nancy stared at Kyle, her eyes angry.

“I don’t want to talk. I came here to get some work done, all right?”

“No, it’s not all right,” Kyle insisted. “Have you been seeing Brad?” she asked harshly.

Nancy looked away. “Once in a while,” she said sullenly.

Kyle’s heart began to pound and she felt almost ill. “What is she giving you?”

“Oh, come off it, Kyle. Don’t be so uptight! I’ve known you to try a few things now and then!”

Kyle shook her head. “Try a few things, sure—who hasn’t. But we’re not talking about that, are we? How often are you seeing her?”

Nancy looked uncomfortable. “A few times a week.”

“Nancy!” Kyle said in alarm. “Do you have any idea what that woman is capable of?”

“She’s a hell of a lot more interesting than any of the men I’ve met in the last few years! So what if I have a little fun! No one’s getting hurt. Roger hardly knows I’m gone. Besides, I still put out for him when the thought crosses his mind—which isn’t all that often.”

Kyle couldn’t believe that Nancy could be so blind. She wanted to tell her what she knew about Brad, but she couldn’t bear to reveal Dane’s past.

“Nancy, listen to me. Brad doesn’t care about anyone. Don’t you realize she’s just using you? If you let her control you, she’ll use you until she’s tired of you, and then toss you aside!”

Nancy tossed her head in defiance. “You’re wrong, Kyle. I’m not your precious Dane—I’m not as easy as she was to beat!”

Kyle took a step toward her, very nearly out of control. If it had been anyone other than Nancy, she would have struck her.

“Whatever Brad told you about Dane, she was wrong. She doesn’t know her. She never has. She never cared to.” Kyle stared at Nancy, knowing that she should try again to reach her old friend, but her anger overpowered her. “Go home, Nance. Go home before we say things we’ll never forgive.”

Nancy left without another word.

Anne was about to hang up when Kyle finally answered the phone.

“Yes,” Kyle said.

“Kyle? It’s Anne. I’ve been trying to reach you all week. Did you mean it when you offered to help at the show?”

“Yes.”

“Can you come to the kennel in the morning—around six? I’ve decided to go to the show without them. We might as well try.”

“Where is it? I’ll be there.” Anne gave her directions and said good night. Kyle wondered at herself as she got ready for bed. Dogs! What did she know about dogs!

Anne was loading the crates into the van with another young woman when Kyle arrived.

“Hi!” Anne called. “Kyle, this is Lynn. She’s going to watch the shop while we’re gone.”

Kyle nodded to the young woman. “Any word from Caroline?” She wanted to ask about Dane, but she couldn’t bring herself to. Dane obviously didn’t want to contact her. She wouldn’t humble herself further by continuing to ask about her.

“No,” Anne said worriedly. “It’s not like her, either. Come on, I’ll introduce you to your charges.”

Kyle followed Anne into the roar of the kennel, almost expecting to see Dane at any moment. Pictures of dogs covered the walls, and Dane and Caroline were in many of them. Kyle’s heart lurched just from seeing Dane’s face in a photo. She looked away and hurried after Anne.

“This is Troy, and that’s Arno, and this is Falon,” Anne said, standing before three monstrous-looking animals.

“Do I shake hands?” Kyle asked, wondering what she had gotten herself into.

Anne laughed. “They’re really very gentle. Except Troy hates all other males, of any size, so you have to be firm with him. The other two won’t give you any trouble at all. Come on, I’ll tell you all you need to know while we drive.”

It sounded simple enough as Anne outlined it. All Kyle had to do was get the correct dog to the correct ring at the correct time so that Anne could show it. Then Kyle could take the one that had finished showing back to the van. When she saw the morass of people and dogs milling about the show grounds, she felt her confidence disappear.

“It’ll be fine,” Anne reassured her as she maneuvered the van into a relatively shady corner. She rummaged around and handed Kyle a show schedule. “I’ve outlined where you have to be and when. Don’t worry. The dogs are pros—they’ll know what to do.”

“Right,” Kyle said without conviction. Nevertheless, she was soon seduced by the excitement of the show. The first time she led Troy over to the show ring she felt as proud as if he were her own.

“Okay Troy, old boy—go get ‘em!”

She watched Anne carefully and thought Troy looked splendid. She couldn’t believe it when the judge, who had carefully compared Troy with another dog for several minutes, chose Troy’s competitor.

Anne laughed at Kyle’s outrage. “Oh, him! I knew that would happen. He likes them long in the back and Troy’s not. Troy happens to be a perfect standard, but judges aren’t always objective. But we know we won, don’t we, boy?”

Kyle was still grumbling to herself as she exchanged Troy for Falon. This time she was not disappointed.

Anne was jubilant. “God, will Dane be happy! These are Falon’s first points, and it’s only her second show!” She stopped when she saw Kyle’s face. “I’m sorry, Kyle. I haven’t even asked you how you’re doing.” They sat down in the shade near the van since they had a few minutes before the next event.

Kyle shrugged. “I’m not sure what I’m doing, really. I had hoped Dane would call, but I guess that was stupid.” Her voice betrayed her bitterness.

Anne nodded sympathetically. “It’s not stupid. There’s just not much you can do, really. I’ve never seen Dane like this before. She started back to work a couple of weeks ago, and she hardly talks at all. She spends all her time with the dogs. Sometimes she even stays at the kennel all night. Caroline was getting frantic. Finally she got Dane to agree to go to the mountains for a while. That was almost a week ago.”

“Is Dane okay physically?” Kyle asked.

Anne was silent for a moment. “She’s not doing any drugs. If that’s what you mean.” She sighed. “She’s healed on the outside, I guess. Who can tell with her what’s happening on the inside.”