A beat.

So you’re in recruitment, is that right?

GRACE. Yes.

ADAM. God.

GRACE. I’m cool with it.

ADAM. That’s good.

GRACE. It can be difficult I guess. But that’s kind of a good thing in a way.

ADAM. Meeting lots of new people.

GRACE. Well not that but yeah.

A beat.

What do you do again?

ADAM. I’m in sales.

GRACE. Oh yeah.

ADAM. But I’m gonna move into social media.

GRACE. Yeah. I remember now.

ADAM. I’ve got this idea for a website—

GRACE. Yes I remember you saying.

Hold on them just sat there on the bus, looking separately.

ADAM. Busy tonight…

GRACE. Yeah.

Silence. He looks at her.

ADAM. I like your hair.

GRACE. Do you?

ADAM. Yeah.

GRACE. It’s my GHDs.

ADAM. Cool.

A beat.

And d’you get it cut like that? Or do you do it all with the GHDs?

GRACE. Erm. Bit of both really. I get it cut. But I get it for half price because my sister used to work there. Abi. She used to be an assistant. And I sort of saw the owner for a bit.

ADAM. Cool.

Silence. Hold on them just sat there on the bus, looking separately.

It was a good club actually wasn’t it?

GRACE. It was a good club, yes.

Blackout.


The street. She’s bent over, fiddling with her foot. He’s just stood there, watching her. Hold on this for a beat, then—

ADAM. You could take them off.

GRACE. I’m fine.

ADAM. The stuff you women have to go through. It’s madness.

No response. He watches her fiddling, not knowing what to do. Eventually she straightens up. She’s now fiddling with her top, covering herself up, wrapping the jumper round her more. As she does so—

Where’s your place?

GRACE. It’s about a twenty-minute walk that way.

ADAM. Oh. Cool.

A beat.

I really need a wee.

GRACE. There’s a park you can do it in.

ADAM. Oh good.

GRACE. It’s nice actually. It’s got a pond.

ADAM. Oh cool.

She finishes fidgeting.

Come here…

GRACE. One second.

A second of fidgeting. Then she does. They hold each other.

ADAM. What a night!

GRACE. Yes! What a night…!

They laugh.

ADAM. And this seems like a cool area.

GRACE. Yeah. It is nice actually.

ADAM. Very nice.

GRACE. Yeah. There’s lots of amenities. Lots to do. Quite a young crowd but there’s also your oldies as well.

ADAM. You cold?

GRACE. No.

ADAM. Good.

He starts touching her face.

GRACE. Yeah. It’s not bad actually. You’ve got your supermarkets, your local shops, there’s a Homebase, there’s a club, the park. There’s a Kebabish down the road. Are you hungry?

He kisses her. Hold on this. He gets more into it than she does. He pulls back.

ADAM (quiet, so the audience can only just about hear it). Maybe we should go to the park together. What d’you think?

A beat as they look at each other. She kisses him. He pulls back.

Grace. What d’you think?

She kisses him. It’s cold, lustless and this time it goes on for ages. He holds the back of her head. It goes on and on till it becomes uncomfortable for the audience. It doesn’t crescendo – just the same kissing, still and stationary, apart from at one point he puts his hand tentatively on her bottom, where it remains, groping her in a way that looks perhaps painful for her. Finally they part and wipe their mouths.

Blackout.


The kebab shop. They sit, eating.

ADAM. Is that nice?

GRACE. It’s amazing.

ADAM. This is delicious.

They eat in silence.

I’m starving. I had a shit lunch.

GRACE. What did I have for lunch? Cheese sandwich.

ADAM. Lovely. What cheese d’you put in it?

GRACE. Cheddar.

ADAM. I love Cheddar. I like Brie as well.

GRACE. Yeah.

They eat in silence. Hold on this. Then—

ADAM. D’you want a drink?

GRACE. I’m fine.

ADAM. Coke? Diet Coke?

GRACE. No. It’s got caffeine in it. It keeps me awake.

ADAM. Yeah.

GRACE. I won’t sleep tonight.

ADAM. Okay.

They eat in silence.

GRACE. Such a great night…

She laughs. He smiles.

Was it you that likes the Harry Potter films?

ADAM. Erm. No. I don’t think so.

A beat.

Are they good?

GRACE. I don’t know. I guess they must be.

He smiles. They eat in silence.

This is absolutely amazing!

ADAM. Mmmmm!!

They eat in silence. Eventually—

So – Grace – you don’t eat any meat?

GRACE. No.

ADAM. Mad… No animal products? No animal products at all?

GRACE. None.

ADAM. Wow. Impressive.

GRACE. I don’t know about that.

ADAM. Debbie – the pregnant one tonight—

GRACE. Oh yeah.

ADAM. She goes out with my mate Dave—

GRACE. ‘Dave and Debbie’!

ADAM. Oh yeah!

GRACE laughs. ADAM laughs.

GRACE. Sorry! Carry on.

ADAM. She’s a vegetarian – Debbie is – and she doesn’t eat meat but she does eat fish. You ever done that?

GRACE. No. I’ve heard of people who do that but I’m not like that.

She wipes her mouth with a tissue. A beat, then—

ADAM. And do you miss meat?

GRACE. Bacon sandwiches.

ADAM. Yes!

GRACE. Oh my God I so miss bacon sandwiches! Sometimes if my flatmate’s making one, I’ll have a bite on his.

ADAM. Bacon’s not bad anyway is it.

GRACE. Yeah.

Silence. They eat.

ADAM. This is yummy.

GRACE. Mmmmmmm!

He watches her eating for a moment. Then, getting up—

ADAM. I’m gonna get a Coke. Sure I can’t get you a Coke?

GRACE. Yeah. I don’t want to be up all night.

ADAM. Well you can share mine if you fancy it.

GRACE. I’m fine.

ADAM. Cool.

He goes to the counter at the back of the stage. She eats with her back to him. Silence. He stands there with his back to us and her. Hold on this. He looks back at her without her knowing. A beat of his disappointed, despairing, blank look. He looks forward again, his back to her and us. A beat.

Blackout.


Empty stage apart from a shirt that’s the same as the one ADAM’s been wearing throughout the play, still in its packet from the shop, unopened. ADAM comes on topless. He picks up the shirt, opens it and puts it on. It’s creased from being folded in its packet.

ADAM (calling offstage). It’s creased!

No response. He tuts and harrumphs. He looks at himself in an invisible mirror. He tuts.

What am I gonna do?

He looks in the mirror. No response. He takes it off.

Ruth, it’s really creased!

He goes offstage.

(Offstage.) Ruth!

Blackout.


They’re in the cab. The car radio plays in the front. She’s leaning forward, speaking to the invisible cabbie.

GRACE. It’s just past Homebase.

She sits back with ADAM.

I love cabs. It makes me feel like I’m famous.

ADAM. I think you’ll be famous one day.

GRACE (pleased). Do you?

ADAM. Yeah. Of course.

GRACE. I don’t know…

ADAM. Of course you will.

GRACE. Tut. I dunno.

A beat.

I wouldn’t want to be too famous.

ADAM. No.

Long silence, just sat there looking out of their windows, the radio playing in the front.

GRACE. Such a crazy night.

ADAM. Yeah.

A beat.

GRACE. I had a real chilled day – really nice – just sitting round and vegging out – spoke to my mum, which was nice—

ADAM. Oh. Nice.

GRACE. Yeah.

ADAM. She okay?

GRACE. Yeah.

ADAM. Good.

GRACE. Just a really chilled day. Nice to have a bit of downtime isn’t it.

ADAM. Definitely.

Long silence. Car radio. They just sit there. He scratches his hand. He offers her some chewing gum.

GRACE. Thanks.

She takes one and sits there chewing. Silence. Car radio.

And so cool. Getting a cab.

ADAM. Yes!

GRACE. I usually walk!

ADAM. Do you?

GRACE. Yeah. God… This is the life! Jesus… Hilarious…

He smiles for her. Long silence. Car radio in the front. She looks at him and feels the bottom of his shirt.

This is nice.

ADAM. Thanks.

GRACE. Where d’you get it?

ADAM. Can’t remember.

GRACE. It’s nice.

ADAM. Thanks.

A beat.

GRACE (about the cabbie). We should make out. Give him something to look at.

She laughs. He laughs for her. They just sit there, looking out of separate windows, chewing.

Blackout.


Outside GRACE’s front door. GRACE is trying to find her keys in her bag.

ADAM. It’s a lovely house.