I shudder.

A fine mist of blood coats the Styrofoam, and I drop the cup to the floor as if it has burned me.

I turn my hand over to see that some of the blood is flecked on my palm. Disgusted, I wipe my hand on the dark bed sheets. I look up to see Dornan has already passed out face-down on the bed in the space of about ten seconds.

I finish wiping my hand and fish a pair of skinny jeans and an oversized black t-shirt printed with a skull and crossbones out of my suitcase at the end of the bed. I dress quickly and tiptoe out of the room as quietly as I can. Making my way to the roof, I take the stairs two at a time. I need fresh air in my lungs or I will scream.

 Pushing the fire escape door open, I am panting audibly. I am two steps outside when I realize my error in choosing to visit Michael’s place of execution. I try to back up when I discover I’ve forgotten to wedge the fire escape open. Fuck. I am stuck out here, with the afternoon sun beating down on my skull, blood at my feet. At least they took the body away.

I can’t look at the floor or I will throw up, and I’ve got nothing left in my stomach.  The concrete is still damp with someone’s efforts to hose the blood away, and I cringe as I think of the poor boy’s blood now coating the entire roof floor in microscopic detail. I focus on the sea breeze ahead of me, the glare of the afternoon sun overhead, the ocean lapping lazily at the shore a few blocks ahead. I am so preoccupied with the view, leaning against the waist-high wall with my palms digging into sharp brick edges, that I almost fall off the side of the building as I hear a crash behind me.

I startle, turning to see where the noise has come from. It is Jase. He looks worried. When I see him, I almost cry. But I don’t. I swallow back bitter tears and turn back to the view of Venice Beach, unable or unwilling to look at him – I’m not sure which.

I feel him take up a spot beside be and flinch when he passes something in front of my face.

“Hey,” he says, steadying me with the slightest touch of his palm on my shoulder. “I cleaned your sunglasses. Don’t fall off the roof, okay?”

I take the sunglasses and put them on, relieved that the throbbing sun is now a little less intense.

“Where did you go?” he asks.

I press my fingers into the sharp bricks, to keep myself from breaking down.

“With your father,” I bite out.

Now I am the one shaking. My skin is slick with sweat and heat radiates from me, but I am so cold, my teeth are chattering.

“Hey,” Jase says, and I can hear the worry in his voice. “Come on.” He presses his hand in the small of my back, as if to lead me away from the edge, and I flinch, backing away from his hand. He holds his palms up in a supplicating gesture and shrugs.

“I was just going to get you a seat, that’s all,” he says. “You hungry? I can get you some food.”

Food. My stomach decides for me. I follow him blindly towards the greenhouse, stumbling in bare feet and too-long jeans, tiptoeing around the wettest part of the concrete – the place where Michael Trevine bled out.

“Here.” He points to a worn, brown leather chair that wasn’t there yesterday. “Sit here. I’ll grab you something to eat. I can hear your frigging stomach growling from here.”

I sink into the chair, thankful for the weight off my legs. I grip the leather armrests and time passes, how much I’m not sure. The only point of reference I have is the sun, which has moved from overhead to in front of me. I estimate that it’s about five in the afternoon when a thought suddenly slams into my brain like a freight train.

Elliot. 

Shit. I need to call him. I need to go to him. Right fucking now. The urge to flee this place has me itching all over. I want to get out. I want to get out. Iwanttogetout.

Jase returns after a while, balancing a plate of what looks like some kind of meat casserole with mashed potato. It smells like my childhood.

Fuck. I can’t do this.

“Carol was serving dinner to the boys,” he says, handing me the plate and a fork. I take the plate, my hunger beating the emotions I feel at the prospect of my mother cooking this meal for the Ross brothers a few rooms away while I was giving my father’s murderer a blow job. I demolish the plate in record time and briefly consider licking it clean. If I were alone, I definitely would.

I set the plate down at my feet and stare ahead blankly.

“Are you okay?” Jase asks me, his voice tinged with fear.

“No,” I reply.

“I told you, my dad can get pretty obsessed sometimes. Just … be careful what you say to him, okay?”

I nod vacantly, chewing on my lip.

“I’m sorry for what happened. Really. My brothers are just like him. They’re animals sometimes.”

I know that.

“Is there anything I can … do for you? Get for you?”

I don’t answer him.

“Samantha?”

I tear my gaze from the floor to meet his pinched eyes. “I want to get out of here,” I say to him. “Just for a few hours. Just to cool off. Do you think you can help me with that?”

I have to get to Elliot before he comes looking for me here. They will kill him if he turns up, I am sure of it.

Jase nods, seemingly relieved that I have broken out of my stupor to respond to him.

“Yeah,” he says, patting my closed fist with his hand. “Let’s get out of here.”

When I don’t move, he waves his hand in front of my face. “Earth to Samantha?”

The gentle way he says Samantha makes my heart leap a little.

“How come you don’t call me Sammi?” I ask him as he offers his hand and pulls me up to my feet.

He furrows his eyebrows. “I don’t know. Samantha is classy. It suits you better.”

“Classy,” I repeat. “Pfft. I don’t know where you got that idea from.”

He looks at me with a serious look on his face, still frowning. “What?” I say.

He shrugs. “You don’t really belong here, in a place like this. I thought that from the minute I saw you.”

You have no idea how wrong you are.

“I grew up in a place just like this,” I reply. “It’s just like home.”

He doesn’t answer me, but his eyes are full of questions. Full of worry. Full of the past.

“Come on,” I say. “Let’s get out of here before your father wakes up.”

Fourteen

I follow Jase down the stairs and through the kitchen. I don’t look into the servery – the last thing I want to see is my mother when I’m leaving, and I don’t know if I’m coming back.

I am scared.

I forgot how crazy Dornan Ross was.

And I can’t get the image of that poor kid’s blood and brain matter out of my mind.

When Jase turns left at the hallway, I hesitate.

“Come on,” he says. “My bike’s this way.”

“Oh,” I say. “I thought we’d just go in a car or something.”

He smirks and looks me up and down. “We’re in a biker club, Samantha, not a goddamn minivan club.”

“I don’t have a helmet. Or a jacket.” I look down at my bare feet. “Or shoes.”

Jase just laughs as he continues down the hallway. “You think you’re the first girl who ever came in without a helmet, jacket, or shoes?”

Well, I don’t have anything to say to that. I just shrug in response.

Jase slides the thick steel door at the end of the hallway open, and ushers me inside. I immediately smell oil, leather, and sweat all mingled together. I look around, taking in the impressive line-up of Harley Davidsons that sit two and three deep in the massive garage.

“That’s a lot of bikes,” I breathe, squinting under the harsh fluorescent lights that illuminate the warehouse-sized space.

Jase goes over to the far wall and rummages through a clear tub full of helmets. Fishing one out, he gestures for me to come over. I thread my way carefully through the maze of metal, mindful that if I knock one bike, I’ll start a domino effect of epic proportions.

He puts the helmet on the counter next to him and hands me a pair of women’s white canvas sneakers. They are at least a size too big for me, but I bend down to lace them tightly so they will stay on my feet.

Next, he grabs a beaten, chocolate-colored leather jacket from a hook above the counter and passes it to me. I shrug into it and find the zip, pulling it up to my chin.

“Here,” he says, fitting the open-face helmet on my head. “How’s this?”

I am about to reply, but the door is dragged open again and loud voices fill the once-peaceful space.

It is two of the Ross brothers – Chad, who held his hand over my mouth as I screamed for Dornan to spare an innocent life, and Mickey, the fourth brother.

They are chatting in an animated fashion, every second word Fuck, when they lay eyes on me.

“Hey, darlin’,” Chad says, striding through the silent motorcycles to where we stand. “Where you off to?”

Jase looks at him without a single ounce of brotherly affection. “I’m taking her for a ride, Chad,” he bites out. “Nothing for you to worry about.”

Chad slides between his brother and I, forcing Jase to step back. His chest is pressed into mine but I stand my ground, looking up at him through a haze of violent memories, my jaw set stubbornly.

“Sorry about your little boyfriend,” he says with a broad smile, not sorry at all. He runs a finger down my arm, from shoulder to wrist, and smirks when I jerk my hand away.

“Sorry about your little hand,” I reply, not taking my eyes off him for a second.