She had been a victim for ten long years. She had not been able to help the vicious beatings. Nigel had been stronger than she, and he had been her husband and had had the legal right to discipline her as he saw fit.

But she had developed a victim's mind, a cowering, abject thing intent more than anything else upon remaining hidden in every conceivable way, upon figuratively holding her breath lest someone notice her and come at her, fists flying. And her victim's mentality she /could/ help. If her mind was not under her control, then life was really not worth living.

Life had not felt worth living for almost ten years.

Today, suddenly, it did. She turned her head toward Stephen, tears in her eyes, but he was still sleeping. /Fortunately/, he was still sleeping.

Ah, how terribly beautiful he was. How achingly attractive. How she longed…

But he had no part in her new dream. How could he? She had seduced him and made him feel obligated to her. It was all quite unfair. He should be back firmly in his own world with young ladies like the one who had walked with him this morning.

But this new dream did have something to do with him. She had him to thank for it. By being kind to her when he had absolutely no reason to be, he had reminded her of her own worth. Of her power over her own life.

Could she make such an extravagant claim for him when her acquaintance with him was so slight, when it had begun in such an ugly manner, with seduction and then ensnarement?

Was he /really/ an angel?

She smiled through her tears at the fanciful thought. She would be seeing wings and a halo soon.

She was no longer going to be penniless and dependent and abject and frightened and defensive and all the horrid, cringing things she had been since Bruce had tossed her out of her home and washed his hands of her.

She was going to fight boldly back.

Tomorrow she was going to find a lawyer who would be willing to take on her case despite her near-poverty. With Stephen's money she was going to pay him a small retainer, with a promise of the rest of his fee when he had got justice for her. According to both her marriage contract and Nigel's will, she was entitled to have received a lump sum payment from his personal fortune and a monthly pension from the estate. She was also supposed to have retained all the jewelry that had been given her since her marriage. It was her /personal property/. She was to have had use of the dower house too and the town house here in London for the rest of her natural life, unless she married again. She had no interest in the dower house, but the London house would have been worth having this spring.

Bruce had told her she might have her freedom but nothing else. The implication had been that if she did not accept his ultimatum, everything would be lost to her, even her freedom. Even, perhaps, her life.

And she had believed him.

It was absurd!

If he had believed that her guilt in his father's death could be proved, he would have had her arrested without further ado. He would not have suggested making any deal with her.

He could prove no such thing because there /was/ no proof.

She had known all this before. Why, then, did it seem like a blazing revelation today?

She was going to go after her money and her jewelry and even the town house. Any decent lawyer would surely be able to get all three for her with very little trouble. Both a marriage contract and a will were legally binding documents. He would not be risking much by taking her small retainer and waiting for the rest of his fee.

She closed her eyes and could feel the world spinning – with her on it.

She was /alive/. And Stephen's warm, relaxed hand was in her own, their fingers loosely laced.

If only the world could be made to slow on its axis. If only this moment could be prolonged. If she wanted, she was well aware – if she /chose/ – she could fall in love with him. Deeply. Head over ears. Irrevocably.

She did not so choose. She was taking joy out of this single afternoon.

She was borrowing some of his light. The light that was within herself was so very dim. Just a short while ago, if asked, she would have said that it had been extinguished altogether. But it had not. He had rekindled it in her. He was all light. Or so it seemed.

She had nothing nearly as powerful or precious to offer in return and so she would not cling to him. She would let him go as soon as she was able.

She had spoken the truth a little while ago, though. She /would/ remember him. Always. She would not literally have a medallion made to wear about her neck, of course. But she would not need one. She believed she would always be able to close her eyes and see him – and hear him and feel the warm clasp of his hand. She would remember the subtle musk of his cologne.

As soon as she had her money and jewels, she would return all of /his/ money – with thanks. And all ties between them would be severed, all debts paid, all dependence on one side and obligation on the other at an end.

Their relationship – if that was an appropriate word for what was between them – would be somehow healed. And it would end.

He would remember her – /if/ he remembered – with respect and perhaps a little fond nostalgia.

She lifted her head slightly and looked down the slope to the left. In the far distance she could see two figures, and she was almost sure they were coming this way. She was almost certain too that they were Alice and Mr. Golding. And, goodness, Alice would go for Stephen's head with her reticule if she saw them stretched out on the blanket like this, hand in hand, her hair all loose about her shoulders.

It would be grossly unfair.

Cassandra chuckled, nevertheless, at the mental image she had conjured, and she turned her head toward Stephen and squeezed his hand.

"I think," she said, "it is time to sit up and make ourselves respectable again. Not that /you/ are looking disreputable, but I need to put my hair up. Will you give it a quick brush for me?"

He smiled sleepily at her.

"I believe I almost nodded off," he said.

She laughed. "I believe you almost did."

She sat up, found the brush in her reticule, handed it to him, and turned half away from him, pulling her hairpins closer as she did so.

He drew the brush with a firm stroke through the full length of her hair on the left side. He moved the brush a little farther to the right and did it again. Within a minute the whole mass of her hair was smooth and crackling, and her scalp was tingling.

"You do that awfully well," she said, gathering her hair at the neck and twisting it into a knot before stabbing pins into it to stop it from falling down again. She drew on her bonnet.

"Cassandra," he said, "was your husband Belinda's father?"

Her hands paused on the ribbons.

"No," she said.

"The present Paget, then?" he asked. "The son?"

"No," she said again, tying a bow to one side of her chin.

"I am sorry," he said. "I have wondered."

"It was not rape," she said. "I believe Mary really loved… the father."

She waited for him to ask more questions, but he did not do so.

She sighed.

"Nigel had three sons," she said. "Bruce is the eldest, and then there are Oscar and William. Oscar has been in the army for years. I have met him only two or three times, none recently. He did not come home for his father's funeral. William has always been a wanderer. He was in America for several years. Then, four years ago, he came home for a few months before going to Canada with a fur trader. Belinda was born seven months after he left. Mary claims that he did not know about her when he went away. I like to believe her. I have always been fond of him, though he certainly /does/ have his faults."

"Paget did not dismiss her?" he asked.

"Nigel?" she said. "No. He left the management of the household to me. I did not tell him that Mary's child was his granddaughter. Indeed, I believe he was unaware that there /was/ a child in the servants' quarters."

Until the end.

"Bruce dismissed her, though, when he came to live at Carmel," she said.

"She had nowhere to go, no family members who were wiling to take her in. She was in a desperate case. It was no particular kindness to bring her and Belinda to town with me, but at least we all had one another.

Alice too. And Roger."

Alice and Mr. Golding were quite distinguishable now. Cassandra raised an arm to wave.

"William Belmont is still in Canada?" Stephen asked.

"I do not know," she said. "I ought not even to have told you all this.

It was not my secret to tell, was it? But I will add that Mary is not loose of morals. I believe she really loved William. No, I am sure she /loves/ him. And waits for him."

He rested a hand on her shoulder and squeezed.

"I stand in judgment on no one, Cass," he said. "Me of all people."

He lowered his hand and turned his head to smile at the approaching couple.

Alice and Mr. Golding strolled all the way to the Pen Ponds and about them before making their way back to the picnic site at the same leisurely pace. They talked for a long time about books, and then they reminisced a bit about shared experiences when they had both taught the Young children, even though that span of time had been all too short. He surprised Alice then by talking of his wife of eight years, who had died three years ago.

It had not occurred to her that perhaps he had been married – that perhaps he still was.