"Aw, come on, Jessie," he said in a low,deep voice. "You know you want to accept… maybe just a little?"
He grabbed the tail end of her sash and gave it aplayful tug.
She shook her head adamantly and pushed her hands into the side pockets of her robe. "Not only am I refusing for personal reasons, I don't do fancy, schmancy parties. I'm sure it won't be difficult for you to find some other willing female to adorn your arm."
He still held on to the belt of her robe, suspecting if he let go she'd bolt. And he wanted to keep her near. "I askedyou because I don't want to go with anyone else." And that was the truth, whether she believed him or not.
"Then it looks like you'll be attending solo." The barest hint of regret tinged her voice. "I'm sorry, Ryan… Ican't do it. It's those personal ethics of mine and all. You understand."
Her excuse was a familiar one, but this time he wasn't going to accept her obscure argument, not when he suddenly had more at stake than just securing a date to his firm's holiday party-like securing her trust. "The thing is, Jessie, I don't understand those personal ethics of yours. Not completely. It has to do with me being a divorce attorney, that I know, butwhy?"
She didn't reply. Instead, he watched those defenses of hers slowly rise, saw it in the stiffening of her spine and the guarded look in her eyes, and knew if he didn't act fast he'd lose the opportunity to reach beyond those barriers she was about to erect.
He wove his fingers casually through the end of her sash, keeping her close. "How is it that you can respond to me the way you did earlier, so openly and honestly, yet shut me out emotionally? I can't help but take that personally, Jessie."
She swallowed, hard, but her gaze remained steady on his. "I apologize if you feel that I led you on."
"No, I don't feel that way at all." He smiled gently. "I think you're scared, and maybe confused, and that's okay. But I think I've earned the right to knowwhat you're afraid of."
Her chin lifted a notch, but she appeared more vulnerable than mutinous. "All right. I'm very attracted to you, but beyond the physical attraction, I'm having a difficult time getting past what you do for a living, and everything it implies."
He'd known his occupation posed a problem for her from the very beginning, but he wanted deeper knowledge. "You mean me being a divorce attorney?" he asked, coaxing her to open up even more.
"That's part of it," she said, nodding guardedly. "I'm not fond of divorce attorneys. I saw firsthand with my mother and father just how cold and calculating people in that profession can be. I watched my father's cutthroat lawyer nearly destroy my mother, and rip apart our family, all for his client's benefit. My mother struggled for years after the divorce just to make ends meet, while my father walked away with a nicely padded bank account and a charming new life without any familial responsibilities."
Her words didn't paint a flattering picture at all, and made his heart go out to the little girl who'd witnessed that devastating separation, and to the woman who was still affected by her father's abandonment. "And that's what you think I do for a living?"
"Don't you?" The challenge in her voice was unmistakable.
He paused. How to explain without incriminating himself? "What happened to your mother, your family, was very unfortunate, but there're always two sides to every case. And while some divorces aren't pleasant and amicable, I try to look at all my cases objectively and represent my clients to the best of my ability,withfacts."
"Even if that means ruining the other person's life in the process?"
"Sometimes I represent that defendant, and women like your mother who struggle not to get shafted by their conniving husbands. It all depends on the couple and circumstances involved. Some cases are simple and friendly. Others are ugly and vicious. I have no control over the personality types I represent, and trust me when I say that there areall kinds."
She stepped away, and he released his hold on her sash, suspecting that she needed the emotional distance. He was stunned by the depth to which Jessica was affected by her parents' divorce. It was evident that she carried the bitterness of a childhood gone bad, and that her experiences had caused her to be wary and cautious, not just of divorce attorneys, but of men in general.
From across the kitchen, she slanted him a curious look. "So, you actually enjoy what you do?"
He slid his fingers into the front pockets of his jeans as he mulled that over, thinking about the past six years of his career, the highlights and the frustrating cases he'd had to represent. "Most of the time, I do. I'll admit that sometimes I'll take on a case that's mentally draining, but I love the challenge of my job, and the complexities involved." He thought of his long-term intentions, and shared those, too. "I'm working towards being a junior partner, and possibly heading up the family law department at Haywood and Irwin. But the main reason I chose a career in law was to help people."
The corner of her mouth quirked with a smile. "Why not be a doctor then?"
"I thought about it," he replied honestly. "But when I almost threw up while dissecting a frog in high school biology I knew I'd never make it through med school. I'm too squeamish when it comes to blood and guts." He grinned in amusement and saw her bite the inside of her cheek to keep from laughing. "So, instead, I concentrated my efforts on the debate team, and discovered that I really enjoyed disputing issues and trying to sway people to agree with my ideals and opinions."
"Which you're very good at," she admittedly wryly.
He tipped his head, acknowledging the backhanded compliment. "Yet I can't seem to convince you to go out on a date with me, or accompany me to my firm's Christmas party."
She exhaled a slow breath, and combed her fingers through her still damp hair. "Ryan… what you do for a living goes against what I believe in. Despite what my mother went through with my father, and Brooke's own divorce, I still believe in love, marriage, and happily-ever-afters. It's what I want for myself one day, with the right person."
And she obviously didn't consider him a candidate for the position. Her argument was solid and indisputable. And as much as he was attracted to her, as much as he was coming to care about her, he couldn't offer her the kind of promises she demanded, and deserved. She'd given him every reason to take a huge step back, to leave her alone, but he discovered he couldn't do it, because for the first time in his adult life, he wanted to take that huge stepforward with a woman… and see where it all might lead.
A scary prospect, even for him. But after a year of wanting Jessica, his gut twisted into a giant knot at the thought of completely severing all ties with her.
Armed with a new determination, he took that step forward, moving toward her, and she watched him close the distance between them. He smiled, and attempted to dispel the gloom their conversation had cast over the room. "Are yousure you won't consider coming to that Christmas party? It might give you a whole different perspective on lawyers."
"I doubt it. I think it would be smarter, and safer, if I didn't attend something as important as your firm's Christmas party with you."
Unwilling to admit defeat just yet, he tried a different approach. "I know I hit you with this unexpectedly, and I really didn't give you the chance to consider your answer-"
"I won't change my mind, Ryan," she said, firmly cutting off his entreaty.
"I'd like to think you will." He dared to reach out and touch her, gently stroking his thumb along her cheek. A sense of satisfaction filled him when she didn't retreat. "Just think about it, okay?"
And in the meantime, if the only way to dissolve her defenses was to use seduction, then they'd at least enjoy themselves in the process.
Chapter 5
Jessica sat in front of her computer, unable to concentrate on the medical reports she needed to transcribe for the doctors that employed her services. Thanks to Ryan's parting remark the night before, she couldn't think about anything else except his invitation to his firm's Christmas party.
She'd told him no, and meant it. She'd told him she wouldn't change her mind, and she meant that, too. She couldn't envision herself in a room crowded with attorneys, smiling and trying to make polite small talk and acting as though she approved of what they did for a living. She harbored too many resentments and bitter memories to advocate the legal profession, especially those who represented divorce cases and went against their opponent with greedy intent.
What Ryan was suggesting was ludicrous, and impossible. The complications of involving herself with him on such a personal level had the potential to break her heart. Not only was his career choice a problem for her, but his aspirations didn't leave much room in his life to devote to building a lasting relationship. Nothing permanent could come of them being together.
Sheknew that, so why couldn't she just consider Ryan a friendly acquaintance and keep their association at that?
Slippery, sensual, erotic sex.
She groaned as those words echoed in her mind, as they had all night long and into the early morning hours. Yeah, she admitted that particular promise had something to do with her preoccupation with Ryan. He'd shown her a glimpse of that temptation, and she'd be lying if she said she didn't want to experience the full spectrum of pleasure he'd introduced her to, and take those voluptuous sensations to their inevitable conclusion.
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