Ryan Michele - Seduce Me

I yank my hand from his placing both of them over my face and sob, uncontrollably. I pour every bit of sadness, frustration and longing into the tears that go on forever. I just can’t stop.

I feel Jace by me, but I do not acknowledge him. I don’t want him anywhere near me right now. I don’t want anyone. I don’t need anyone.

The door bursts open, but I don’t bother looking, instead I try my best to curl up in a ball, tucking my feet to my chest. The pain is there, but this time I welcome it. At least I can feel something.

“Oh my God!” Bella’s voice comes closer and she slides up to me, my eyes only seeing a blur of her from the water encasing them. “I’m so sorry babe. I wish you would have told me.”

I continue to sob my words coming out choked. “It doesn’t matter. It’s gone. Everything is gone.”

Bella lays her body next to mine and hugs me while I continue to sob.

Riding. It’s the only time my mind is free from all the bullshit that clouds my life. Weaving in and out of the winding roads, feeling the breeze slamming my face washes away all the grisly, if only for a moment.

Riding lets me be free.

Some compare riding to sex, for me its better. Don’t get me wrong, I’m all in for a good fuck, but even in the throes of lust, my mind doesn’t shut the fuck up. Sex subdues it, but it’s always there, mocking me, throwing all the shit I’ve done since I was thirteen in my face. The death and destruction are always there on the forefront mocking me.

There has only been one time in my life that sex was amazing. Where the act of sex actually shut off all the thoughts and let me live in a specific moment. But she is too good for an asshole like me. She deserves all the roses and sunshine bullshit that I can never give her. She’s different from my sister, Princess. Even though she grew up in the club, she’s not hardened by it. She’s tough, don’t get me wrong, but she is soft where Princess is rough. I didn’t want to break it off with her and when I did it wasn’t right, but I fully believe I did it to protect her in the long run. From me. Now, she hates me with every fiber in her being and it’s best to keep it that way.

Ravage MC is my life. It is what I’ve been born and bred to do, to uphold and to protect. Outsiders say that I’m a poor boy whose dad thrust him into a life giving him no choice. Bullshit. There is always a choice. So what? I learned more at thirteen about the real world than most of those fucks know now. I know more about running businesses, making money and protecting what’s mine than any of them and how to be successful at it. I may never have a college degree, but I make damn good money.

My brothers have my back at every turn and I can always count on them. How many people can say their family would do that for them? Not many.

This life is what I wanted. Everyone else can just go fuck themselves if they have a problem with it because it’s their problem, not mine.

Pops did lay down ground rules for me though before I could become a brother of Ravage. One, I had to have my high school diploma in my hand. Two, I had to be legal.

In actuality, I have been prospecting since thirteen; I just didn’t realize it at the time. Each menial task; such as cleaning up from parties or the shit on the bathroom floor were tests from the brothers. Whenever Pops told me to do something, I did it, no complaints. When I turned eighteen, I finally got my official Prospect rag. The party that night kicked fucking ass. I’d never been so happy and knee deep in pussy in my entire life.

After receiving my diploma, my graduation party turned into a full out club meeting with my official rag being placed on my back. Best fucking day ever.

Turning around the last bend with Dagger and Rhys by my side, the warehouse comes into view. Dewey is a supplier that we moved shit for throughout southern Georgia. I was going to come alone considering our long relationship with him, but after the ambush when we met Ransom and his crew, Diamond didn’t want any of us going alone.

Scoping out the area, only three bikes sit in front of the old dilapidated warehouse, one I recognize immediately as Dewey’s. Parking and keeping an eye on everything around us, Dagger and Rhys move right by my side.

“You ready for this shit?” Dagger asks looking at the door, his piece clutched in his hand.

“Yeah.” I grunt, clutching mine as well. One can never be too careful these days. Turning the handle, the doors creak announcing our arrival. Guns up, three men instantly grab their pieces aiming them at our heads. Dewey smiles and begins to lower his. Searching the building, no other people are present except for some poor motherfucker strapped with chains on his wrists and hanging from a makeshift beam on the ceiling. Interesting.

Holding my hands up, I place my gun back in my rag motioning for the brothers to do the same. Dewey’s crew follows. “What’s going on?” I clip at the man walking towards me with his arm extended to shake my hand.

Extending my hand to his grasp, he said, “G.T. nice to see you. Sorry about our company up there. The boys were just having some fun with their toy before we cut him loose.”

Releasing him, I cross my arms over my chest and widen my stance as I tower over him. “What do you need to see us about that couldn’t be discussed over the phone?” Dewey’s straggly blonde hair comes down to his chin, tats lining his wrists and shoulders. He is not imposing, but that’s a hard task for anyone to be for me. Over the years, my resolve has hardened to any of that bullshit.

“New shipment. Guy I know wants two more runs a month.” I stare at him, waiting, and my mind instantly running our monthly drop schedule. “It’ll be a lot. You’d need your whole crew, but it’ll only be a day ride. Best part, 300k in your pocket each run.”

“What exactly will we be running?” Dewey snaps his finger as one of the goons who are playing with his hanging meal comes up carrying a duffle bag. Dewey bends down opening the bag. Fuck. Looking at Dagger and Rhys, their eyes dance saying the same thing.

“I’ll run it by Diamond and get back to ya. Anything else?” I ask needing to get the hell out of there, just looking at what is in the duffle, will get us all thrown in prison for a long time and I’m not ready to put my ass on the line for this shit yet.

“I need to know by next month. If you don’t want it, I gotta find other ways.” Find other ways my ass. We are his only way and he damn well knows that shit. I fucking hate games, but that’s how the world works. Everyone tries to one up ya, but Ravage does not get one-upped. Dewey may need a reminder of that.

Smirking to my brothers, I nod my chin dismissing the meeting.

These runs for Dewey are huge. All of us will be set for a long time with this amount of cash, but the risk is huge. Not only will every member of Ravage be on the transport, if caught, it will wipe us out, hard. I’m all about the cash, but my gut is screaming that something is wrong, and my gut has never let me down yet.

I’ll put it out there at church and figure it out from there, but we will need lots of intel before we attempt this one.

The ride back is smooth, but my mind continuously drifts back to the one woman that plagues me. I should be happy she left to start her own life. Happy that she is going to school to better herself. Happy that she is finding a life that makes her happy. But deep down, I’m not. I’m a fucking selfish prick and even though I pushed her away, I want her home. I can’t keep my fucking eyes on her up there and even if I have no damn right, I don’t want to care.

Casey has turned me inside out since we were kids. Growing up alongside each other had its ups and downs. Ups when she actually paid me a lick of attention instead of seeing me as her best friend’s kid brother, what a fucking pussy. And downs when she avoided me like the plague. I still remember her walking in on me fucking one of the club mommas, fuck if I even knew her name or wanted to. The light in Casey’s eyes shattered right before me and I didn’t do a fucking thing to fix it. I never thought she actually wanted me until that moment, but I was a fucking moron to never act on it.

Watching her walk around the club in those short ass shorts and hearing hear laugh was the most beautiful torture I could have. I could have fucked her at any time, just for the fun of it, but Casey has never been that type of girl. I never wanted her to be that type of girl and I damn well would have beaten the living shit out of anyone who treated her that way.

One day when I was younger, Bam caught me one day watching Casey. I didn’t realize I was doing that shit, but I couldn’t stop myself. He sat next to me and his words have stuck in my head since he said them. ‘Son, until you’re ready to be the man that she needs you to, stay away from her. She is not a piece of ass to anyone. She’s too smart for that, I made sure of it. Once you know that you are man enough for my girl, then you will deserve her.’

Being man enough isn’t the problem, it’s being able to give her the life that she deserves. I never asked her if she wanted this life, my life.

Even if it killed my heart to do it. Every woman I’ve been with was just a warm body. What Casey doesn’t know and I sure as shit would never tell her… Is her face is the only one I saw. How fucked up is that? I couldn’t tell you their names or what they looked like… nothing. Nothing at all. All I see is Casey’s beautiful green eyes sparkling at me. Sick. Fucking sick. One of the reasons she’s better off without me.