“I know.”

“He has found himself a dark corner of the universe and wants us all there with him.”

“I know.”

“Be very careful with him, all right? And tell him nothing.”

“All right.”

“What would it take for you, Tatiana, to reject him, to turn your back on him? To say, I cannot take his hand because he does not want salvation. What?”

Her thoughts trickled out from her eyes. “Oh, he’ll want salvation, Shura. He’ll just have no hope of it.”



Walking with the help of a cane, Dimitri came to see Alexander the next day. This is becoming my life, Alexander thought. There is fighting across the river, there is healing in the next room, the generals are making plans, the trains are bringing food into Leningrad, the Germans are slaughtering us from Sinyavino Heights, Dr. Sayers is getting ready to leave the Soviet Union, Tatiana sits with the terminal soldiers, growing life inside her, and I lie here in my crib and get my bedding changed and watch the world rush by me. Watch my minutes rush by me. Alexander was so fed up that he pulled back his covers and got out of bed. He stood up and began unhooking his IV bag when Ina ran up and laid him back down, muttering that he’d better never try that again. “Or I’ll tell Tatiana,” she whispered, leaving Alexander alone with Dimitri, who sank down in the chair.

“Alexander, I need to talk to you. Are you strong enough to listen?”

“Yes, Dimitri, I’m strong enough to listen,” said Alexander, with a supreme effort turning his head in Dimitri’s direction. He could not meet his eyes.

“Listen, I really am sincerely happy that you and Tania got married. I’m past bad feeling. Honestly. But, Alexander, as you know, there is one thing that’s left unfinished with us.”

“Yes,” Alexander replied.

“Tania, she’s very good, she keeps her composure well. I think I’ve underestimated her. She is less of a pushover than I first thought.”

Dimitri had no idea.

“I know you two are planning something. I know it. I feel it in my heart. I tried to get her to talk to me. She kept saying she didn’t know what I was talking about. But I know!” Dimitri sounded excited. “I know you, Alexander Barrington, and so I’m asking you if perhaps there is room for little old me in your plans.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” said Alexander steadfastly, thinking, there was once a time I had no one else to trust but this man. I put my life in this man’s hands. “Dimitri, I have no plans.”

“Hmm. Yes. But you see, I understand so many things now,” Dimitri said with an unctuous smile. “Tatiana is the reason you’ve been dragging your feet on running.” He paused. “Wanted to work out a way to run with her? Or didn’t want to desert and leave her behind? Either way I don’t blame you.” He cleared his throat. “But now I say we all must go together.”

“We don’t have any plans,” said Alexander. “But if something changes, I will let you know.”



An hour later Dimitri limped back, but this time with Tatiana. He sat her down in the chair while he hunkered down close to them on his haunches. “Tania, I need you to talk some sense into your wounded husband,” Dimitri said. “Explain to him that all I want is for you two to get me out of the Soviet Union. That’s all I’ve ever wanted. To get out of the Soviet Union. I’m getting very jittery, very nervous, you see, because I can’t take the chance that you two will run off and leave me here. In the middle of war. You understand?”

Alexander and Tatiana said nothing.

Alexander looked at his blanket. Tatiana stared straight at Dimitri. And it was when he saw Tania looking unflinchingly at Dimitri that Alexander felt stronger and stared at Dimitri, too.

“Tania, I’m on your side,” Dimitri said, “I don’t want any harm to come either to you or to Alexander. Just the opposite.” He smiled. “I wish you the best of luck. It’s so hard for two people to find happiness. I know. I’ve tried. That you two somehow managed — I don’t know how — is a miracle. Now all I want is a chance for myself. I just want you to help me.”

“Self-preservation,” said Alexander, “as an inalienable right.”

“What?” said Dimitri.

“Nothing,” replied Alexander.

Tatiana said, “Dimitri, I really don’t know what this has to do with me.”

“Why, everything, dearest Tanechka, why, it’s got everything in the world to do with you. Unless, of course, it’s the smooth, healthy American doctor you’re planning to run away with and not your injured husband. You’ve been making plans to go with Sayers when he returns to Helsinki, haven’t you?”

No one spoke.

“I don’t have time for these games,” Dimitri snapped coldly, rising to his feet and leaning on his cane. “Tania, I’m talking to you. Either you take me with you or I’m afraid I’m going to have to keep Alexander here in the Soviet Union with me.”

Her hand still in Alexander’s, Tatiana sat stoically in her chair and then looked at Alexander and raised her shoulders to form a faint question.

Alexander squeezed her hand so hard that she emitted a tiny cry.

“There, there,” exclaimed Dimitri. “That’s the moment I want to see. She convinces you, miraculously seeing everything. Tatiana, how do you do that? How do you have such an uncanny ability to see everything? Your husband, who’s got less of that ability, struggles against you but in the end gives in because he knows it’s the only way.”

Alexander and Tatiana didn’t say a word. He relaxed his hold on her hand, which remained nested in his.

Dimitri folded his arms and waited. “I’m not leaving here until I hear an answer. Tania, what do you say? Alexander has been my friend for six years. I care for both of you. I don’t want any trouble.” Dimitri rolled his eyes. “Believe me — I hate trouble. All I want is to have a small portion of what you are planning for yourselves. That’s not too much to ask, is it? I want a tiny piece of it. Don’t you feel you’ll be selfish, Tania, if you don’t allow me a chance for a new life, too? Come on, now — you, who gave away your oatmeal to a starving Nina Iglenko last year, surely you aren’t going to deny me so little when” — and here he looked at her and Alexander — “you have so much?”

Pain and anger tripping over each other in their race to his already embattled heart, Alexander said, “Tania, don’t listen to him. Dimitri, leave her alone. This is between us. This has nothing to do with her.” Dimitri was quiet. Tatiana was quiet, her fingers rubbing the inside of Alexander’s palm, thoughtfully, intently, rhythmically. She opened her mouth to speak. “Don’t say a word, Tatiana,” said Alexander.

“Say the word, Tatiana,” Dimitri said. “It’s up to you. But please, let me hear your answer. Because I don’t have much time.”

Alexander watched Tatiana rise to her feet. “Dimitri,” Tatiana said without blinking, “woe to him who is alone when he falls, for he has not another to pick him up.”

Dimitri shrugged. “By that I take it to mean that you—” He broke off. “What? What are you saying? Is that a yes or a no?”

Her hand holding Alexander’s tightly, Tatiana said, barely audible, “My husband made you a promise. And he always keeps his word.”

“Yes!” Dimitri exclaimed, springing to her. Alexander watched Tatiana pull sharply away.

Tatiana spoke softly. “Every kindness is repaid by good people,” she said. “Dimitri, I will tell you of our plans later. But you need to be ready at a moment’s notice. Understand?”

“I’m ready this moment,” Dimitri said with excitement. “And I mean that. I want to leave as soon as possible.” He extended his left hand to Alexander, who turned his face away, still holding on to Tatiana. He had no intention of shaking hands with Dimitri.

It was a pale Tatiana who brought their hands together. “It’s all right,” she said, her voice quavering slightly. “It’ll be all right.”

Dimitri left.

“Shura, what could we do?” Tatiana said while feeding him. “It will have to work. It changes things a little bit. But not much. We’ll figure it out.”

Alexander turned his gaze to her.

She nodded. “He wants to survive more than anything else. You told me so yourself.”

But what did you tell me, Tatiana? thought Alexander. What did you tell me up on the roof of St. Isaac’s under the black Leningrad sky?

“We’ll take him. He’ll leave us alone. You’ll see. Just please get better soon.”

“Let’s go, Tania,” said Alexander. “Tell Dr. Sayers that whenever he’s ready to leave, I’ll make myself ready.”

Tatiana left.



A day passed.

Dimitri returned.

He sat down in the chair next to Alexander, who did not look his way. He was staring into the middle distance, into the long distance, into the short distance of his brown wool blanket, trying to recall the last name of the Moscow residence hotel he had lived in with his mother and father. The hotel kept regularly changing names. It had been a source of confusion and hilarity for Alexander, who was now deliberately focusing his mind away from Tatiana and away from the person sitting in the chair not a meter away from him. Oh, no, thought Alexander, with a stab of pain.

He remembered the last name of the hotel.

It was Kirov.

Dimitri cleared his throat. Alexander waited.

“Alexander, can we talk? This is very important.”

“It’s all important,” stated Alexander. “All I do is talk. What?”

“It’s about Tatiana.”

“What about her?” Alexander stared at his IV. How long would it take him to disconnect it? Would he bleed? He looked around the ward. It was just after lunch, and the other wounded were either sleeping or reading. The shift nurse was sitting by the door reading herself. Alexander wondered where Tatiana was. He didn’t need the IV. Tatiana kept it on him to force him to remain in the critical ward, to keep his bed. No. Don’t think about Tatiana. Pulling himself up, Alexander sat upright against the wall.