“I don't care who they are,” he said bluntly, “they can't guarantee to keep you safe, Ophélie. Things can go sour in an instant on the streets. And if you've been out there, you know that too. You can't afford that risk.” He glanced meaningfully at Pip, and then Ophélie suggested they all take a walk on the beach.

Matt still looked upset when they went out, and Pip ran ahead with the dog, while Matt and her mother walked more sedately down the beach. He was quick to bring the subject up again with her.

“You can't do this,” he said, objecting strenuously. “I don't have the right to tell you that you can't, but I wish I did. This is a death wish on your part, or some subliminal suicide wish, you can't take a risk like that, as Pip's only parent. But even disregarding that, why take a risk that you'll get hurt? Even if you don't get killed, all sorts of things could happen to you out there. Ophélie, I am begging you to reconsider.” He looked extremely somber as he spoke.

“I promise you, Matt, I know it could be dangerous,” she said calmly, trying to calm him as well. “But so are a lot of things. So is sailing, if you think about it. You could have an accident when you're alone on your boat. I honestly feel comfortable doing it. The people I work with are enormously skilled and good at what they do. I don't even feel at risk out there anymore.” It was almost true. She was so busy getting in and out of the van with Bob, and the others, she hardly thought of the potential dangers during their long nights. But she could see that she wasn't convincing Matt. He looked frantic.

“You're crazy,” he said unhappily. “If I were related to you, I would have you committed, or lock you in your room. But I'm not, unfortunately. And what's wrong with them? How can they let an untrained woman go out there on the streets with them? Don't they have any sense of responsibility for the people whose lives they risk?” He was nearly shouting into the wind as they walked, and Pip danced on ahead, happy to be back on the beach, as was Mousse, who was bounding and leaping and chasing birds and running up and down with driftwood in his teeth, but for once, Matt paid no attention to Pip or the dog. “They're as crazy as you are, for God's sake,” he said, furious with the people at the Center.

“Matt, I'm an adult. I have a right to make choices, and even to take risks. If I ever get the feeling it's too dangerous, I'll stop.”

“You'll be dead by then, for chrissake. How can you be so irresponsible? By the time you figure out that it's too dangerous, it'll be too late. I can't believe you can be so foolish.” As far as he was concerned, she had taken leave of her senses, and was clearly out of her head. He admitted that it was admirable, but thought it far too foolhardy for her to do, particularly in light of Pip, and her responsibilities to her.

“If something happens to me,” she said, trying to tease him out of his worries a little bit, “you'll just have to marry Andrea, and you can both take care of Pip. It would be great for her baby too.”

“I don't find that amusing,” he said, sounding almost as stern as Ted had from time to time, and it was very much unlike Matt, who was always easygoing, and kind. But he was extremely worried about her, and felt totally helpless to make her change her mind. “I'm not going to give up on this,” he warned her on the way back toward his house. “I am going to hound you until you give up this craziness. You can still work at the Center, and do whatever you do for them in the daytime. But this outreach program is for cowboys and lunatics, and people who have no one depending on them.”

“My partner in the van is a widower with three small children,” she said quietly, with a hand tucked into Matt's arm as they walked.

“Then he has a death wish too. And maybe if my wife had died and I had three small children to raise, I would too. All I know is that I can't let you do this. If you're looking for approval from me, don't. I won't give it to you. And if you're trying to worry me sick, I am. I'm going to be panicked every time I know you're going out on the streets, for your sake and Pip's,” and he almost added “and my own,” but he stopped himself and didn't.

“Pip shouldn't have told you,” Ophélie said calmly, and he shook his head in despair.

“I'm damn glad she did. Otherwise I never would have known. You need someone to talk sense into you, Ophélie. You have to give this some more thought. Promise me you will.”

“I will. But I swear to you, it's not as bad as it sounds. If I feel uncomfortable, I'll stop doing it. But if anything, I feel more comfortable about it now. The people on the outreach team are extremely responsible.” What she didn't tell him, though, was that the group was small, they often spread out, and in simple fact, if someone shot one of them, or lunged at them with a knife or gun, it was unlikely that the others could move fast enough to save someone, particularly as they weren't armed. You just had to be smart and fast and keep your eyes open, which they all did. But beyond that, for the most part, they had to rely on their own wits, the benevolence of the homeless they served, and the grace of God. There was no question in anyone's mind, at any given time, something bad could happen. And Matt had no problem whatsoever figuring that out.

“This conversation isn't over, Ophélie, I promise you that much,” he said, as they walked back to his house.

“I didn't plan to do this, Matt,” she said by way of explanation, “it just happened. They took me out with them one night, and I fell in love with it. Maybe you should come with us and see it for yourself,” she invited him, and he looked horrified.

“I'm not as brave as you are, or as crazy. I'd be scared to death,” he said honestly with a look of horror, and she laughed. She didn't know why, but she felt right being out there, and was no longer scared. She hadn't even been as frightened as she would have expected to be when the addict pulled the gun on them, but she didn't say anything about it to Matt. He would have had her locked up, as he'd threatened to earlier. And nothing she had said so far had reassured him in any way.

“It's not as scary as you think. Most of the time, it's so touching, you just want to sit down and cry. Matt, it rips out your heart.”

“I'm a lot more worried that someone is going to put a bullet in your head.” It was blunt but expressed everything he felt. He hadn't felt as shaken by anything in a long time. Maybe not since Sally had told him that she was moving to Auckland with the kids. He was suddenly convinced that his newfound friend was going to die. And he didn't want that to happen to her, to Pip, or to him. He had a lot at stake now, and hadn't in a long time. He cared about both of them. His heart was at risk now too.

He put a log on the fire when they got back to his house. Ophélie had helped him wash the lunch dishes before they went out, and he stood staring into the fire for a long time, and then he looked straight at her. “I don't know what it's going to take to stop you from doing this crazy thing, Ophélie. But I'm going to do everything I can to convince you that it's a bad idea.” He didn't want to frighten Pip so he stopped talking about it, but he looked worried and upset for the rest of the afternoon, and he still was when they left. They already had a dinner date for Pip's birthday the following week.

“I'm sorry I told him about the homeless thing, Mom,” Pip said with obvious remorse as soon as they drove away from his house, and Ophélie glanced over at her with a rueful smile.

“It's okay, sweetheart. I guess secrets aren't a good thing.”

“Is it as dangerous as he says it is?” Pip looked worried.

“Not really,” Ophélie tried to reassure her, and believed what she said. She wasn't lying to Pip. She truly felt safe with the team. “We have to be careful, but if we are, it's fine. No one on the team has ever been hurt, and they want to keep it that way, and so do I.” Hearing that reassured Pip, and she looked over at her mother again.

“You should tell Matt that. I think he's really scared for you.”

“That's nice of him. He cares about us.” But the truth was that there were a lot of things that were dangerous in life. Nothing in life was entirely without risk.

“I love Matt,” Pip said quietly. It was the second time in two days she had said that about him, and Ophélie was silent on the way home. It had been a long time since anyone had cared about her in that protective way. Not even Ted. He hadn't paid much attention to her in recent years. He was too preoccupied with his own doings to worry much about her, but there was no reason to. The one Ophélie had always worried about, particularly after his suicide attempts, was Chad, and Ted hadn't worried about him either. He was for the most part extremely self-involved. But she loved him anyway.

Pip called Matt that night to thank him for the nice day at the beach, and after a few minutes, he asked to speak to Ophélie. She was almost afraid to pick up the phone, but she did.

“I've been thinking about what we talked about, and I've decided I'm angry at you,” he said, sounding almost fierce. “It's the most irresponsible thing I've ever heard, for a woman in your position, and I think you should see a shrink. Or go back to your group.”

“My group leader referred me to the Center,” she said sensibly, and he groaned audibly.

“I'm sure he never thought you'd join the outreach team. He probably thought you'd pour coffee, or roll bandages, or whatever it is they do.” He knew what they did. He had read the article she had given him. But he was obviously extremely upset.

“I promise you, I'll be fine.”

“You can't promise anyone that, not even yourself, or Pip. You can't predict or control what could happen out there.”