What I needed was for this kid’s dad not to be such a complicated handful and not be so damn sexy. If he had just been an average guy, one of a million, I could have happily continued on my fruitless quest for Mr. Perfect and never taken the scenic route into forever, life-changing, and gloriously imperfect. Rome never made me feel like I was settling for less than I deserved, he made me feel like having a new dream, where he was the center of it, just made sense.

“I know you guys are. Rome might be a different story. That’s a lot to level at a guy already dealing with a full plate from the emotional baggage buffet.”

Shaw narrowed her eyes at me. “Stop it. He’ll be fine. He needs some help, just like Margot did, but at his core, Rome is rock solid. He hates for anyone to see him weak, hates the idea that he isn’t the one holding the entire world up by himself. If I have to beat it into him, I promise you he will be fine.”

I shook my head and let it flop back on the colorful couch cushions. Rome wasn’t solid, he was unhinged and wild. I think that was what drew me to him so irresistibly in the first place.

“I don’t want to be with a guy who feels like he has to be with me, Shaw. I don’t want to be with anyone that isn’t one hundred thousand percent as into me as I am into them. Not even if I’m pregnant with his kid. I’m not ending up on the other end of what I did with Jimmy ever again.”

She made a face at me. “Rome isn’t Jimmy; he would never betray you like that.”

“No, he’s not. I thought he was better, but I don’t have the option to let him walk out on me every time he’s having a tough time. That doesn’t work for me, especially not now.” And I didn’t want to talk about how bad his sudden desertion made my heart hurt. That kind of pain was unfathomable when it came from something so fragile and new, not to mention it freaked me out that the loss of him felt more potent, more gaping, than walking away from Jimmy ever had.

“He’s worth the fight.”

“Because he’s an Archer?” I didn’t mean to sound so snappy, but Rome and his issues weren’t my top concern anymore. They couldn’t be.

“No, because he’s a great guy that hasn’t had the easiest time of it lately. Don’t you remember telling me how broken, how robotic, Rule was after Remy died? Rome went through all of the same things, Cora, only he had to do it while fighting a war and watching his fellow soldiers die. Maybe he just needs someone that makes him see he deserves a break finally.”

I didn’t want to fight with her about it, because I didn’t entirely disagree with her, but I also was the one left alone and in the dark after he disappeared into the night without a word, and that hurt. Maybe because I didn’t just hurt for me, but because I ached for him as well. The horror shining out of those blue eyes even in the dark and the despair stamped across those handsome features made my chest ache just thinking about it, but I couldn’t force him to let me in. And we couldn’t make anything work between us if he ran from me every time things got rough. I didn’t need him protecting me from him. I was more than capable of doing that all on my own.

“Just give me a couple days to get used to the idea that I’m growing another human being, and then maybe we can talk about what I am or am not going to do with big brother Archer.”

Ayden nodded in agreement and gave Shaw a pointed look.

“That’s a good idea. Now, everybody calm down. Shaw, help me finish this wine. Just because Cora can’t have any doesn’t mean this shouldn’t be a proper girls’ night.” She wiggled her eyebrows up and down and leered at me in an exaggerated expression. “Plus Jet hasn’t been home on a Thursday in forever and I miss sloppy-drunk sex.”

That was enough to startle a laugh out of me and I tried my best to relax a fraction and enjoy the rest of the night with my friends. The future was such a huge, looming unknown and I refused to get sucked into it. I would be okay, whether that meant I forged on ahead alone, or I strong-armed Rome into getting his head out of his ass. I was terrified, but kind of excited behind the wall of fear. It wasn’t something I would have ever planned for myself, not without a firmer grasp on what I was doing, but if anyone could take an unplanned pregnancy and possibility of single parenthood in stride, I guess it would be me. I knew firsthand what it was like to grow up without a mom, without a sense of home and well-planted roots. There was no way any child of mine would ever have to go through that. I would move heaven and earth to make sure of it.

By the end of the night I ended up putting Ayden to bed, without Jet. He was still out running around with Rowdy and Nash, but I was sure he would have no trouble figuring out how to get her up and going when he finally got home. Shaw left earlier; I think it was driving her crazy not to fire a million questions at me and at the same time sing Rome’s praises. She was a really good friend, but in this particular case she was caught between a rock and a hard place. If I hadn’t been the hard place and Rome hadn’t been the rock, I might have been inclined to work up a smidge of sympathy for her. As it was, I made her promise again not to say anything to Rule about the baby until I had it out with the older Archer. She readily agreed and left with a hug and a knowing look.

I knew all anybody wanted was for me to be happy, for Rome to find some kind of peace and balance. I just wasn’t sure those things went hand in hand anymore. I felt like if he got close enough to break my heart, the damage done would be as detrimental to him as it would be to me. I wasn’t sure any of it was worth the risk. Not with so much at stake.

Getting up the next morning was a little rough. Wrapping my head around the fact that I was no longer operating as an autonomous person was weird. I didn’t know the first thing about being pregnant or having a kid, so I figured I better start Googling stuff, like yesterday. I also called and made a doctor’s appointment and tried to figure out what on earth I was going to tell my dad. What I didn’t do was call Rome. I couldn’t think of a conversation I wanted to have less than that one.

When I got to work the guys were already there and doing their prep for the day. We all usually went in an hour before noon to get the shop up and running. The guys typically finished last-minute drawings and I called and reminded appointments for the day. This morning everyone seemed pretty sedate and I was glad Rule and Nash both acted totally normal. Clearly Shaw had kept her word and not said anything to her boyfriend. I was staring at my phone like maybe it would magically have all the answers I needed when it suddenly dinged with a new message. It made me jump, and when I saw Rome’s name at the top of the message box, my stomach lurched hard enough that I had to run to the bathroom before I hurled orange juice all over my fancy computer and desktop.

I stayed in the bathroom longer than necessary. I had to splash cold water on my face and take a minute to catch my breath. I couldn’t avoid him forever, and I really did want to know what he had to say for himself after the last few weeks of radio silence. I fluffed my hair up, put on some bright red lipstick, and felt like I had some kind of armor in place to deal with whatever that message might say.

Only, true to form, Rome liked to make things a million times harder than they had to be. When I came out of the bathroom I stumbled to a halt because Rome was standing in the waiting room of the shop and both Rule and Nash were all up in his face. Rule looked furious and Nash looked nervous. Rome looked like crap, but he wasn’t saying a word as his brother screamed in his face and poked him in the chest with a tattooed finger.

“We told you to leave her alone. Could you listen? No! Like always you know better than everyone else, and now look! She’s been upset for the last two weeks, being meaner than normal, and now she’s so upset you made her sick.”

Rule poked Rome so hard that this time the older Archer took a step back. None of them noticed me just yet, and I wasn’t sure the best way to interrupt without making a bigger mess of things.

Nash shook his head and pulled Rule back a step. “I told you to leave it alone, dude.”

Rome cast those azure-blue eyes toward the floor and what little color was left in his face fled. He looked like he hadn’t slept in a month; his pallor was awful, the turn of his mouth harsh and concerning. All I wanted to do was give him a hug and tell him everything would be all right.

“You don’t understand.”

“No, I don’t. You threatened to kick my ass all over the place if I was messing with Shaw. Well, you’re doing exactly that to Cora and it’s fucked up.”

Rome sucked in a breath and released it. I thought for a second he was going to turn around and leave, but just then he looked up and his eyes locked on mine. He blinked, once and then once again, and I could have sworn I saw some kind of shadow lift and clear, letting the dazzling sapphire light shine through.

“Rule, I’m not messing with anyone. Like I said, you just don’t get it, but I don’t owe you an explanation. Cora, however, I owe way more than that.”

Rule swore again and Nash had to literally hold him in check. “You owe everyone an explanation, Rome. This shit is tired and needs to stop. You can’t just keep hurting everyone because you’re unhappy.”

Blue eyes clashed with blue eyes and I saw the fire light up in Rome. It was about to get real.

“You mean like you always did? Funny how you can be so sanctimonious now that you settled down with Shaw. Not too long ago she had to drag your hungover, booze-soaked, philandering carcass to Mom and Dad’s because you had hurt feelings. Get out of my face, Rule. I don’t owe you shit.”