Joel leaned back on the foot of the bed, stretching his legs in front of him. “We need to talk, and there was a definite lack of places we could be uninterrupted. My place was out. Hope could stop in at any time at your new place.”

“Forget the barn, since everyone we know finds us there eventually, right?”

He smiled at her joke. “Yeah…”

He wanted to talk. Vicki held herself very still. She didn’t think he’d haul her all the way out to a cabin to tell her he’d had enough of their little game. He’d been really pissed off when she’d…it seemed unreal now…kissed Ashley, but his anger had vanished after they’d had the incredible sex.

Vicki waited. No way was she going to open up the conversation without knowing what he was looking for. She still trusted him. There was no way she would have come with him for the night if she didn’t.

Although she quickly shoved a few reinforcement bricks into the wall she had to maintain around her heart.

He didn’t keep her on tenterhooks for long. Reached over and plucked the cup from her hand and put it to the side. When he kept hold of her fingers and caressed them, she wanted to snatch her hands back because his touch was so tender she was going to come apart.

Joel cleared his throat. “I’m a stupid shit.”

She couldn’t help it. Vicki burst out laughing. “That’s not what I expected you to say.”

“It’s true, though.” His thumb stroked the back of her hand as he carried on. “I understand more why, for the past few years, Blake and Daniel have told me I’m too young to grasp what’s going on. Why Matt shakes his head and pokes at me that some day when I grow up things will make more sense. I’m a shit because all the time we’ve been together I’ve been far more focused on me. Like some typical kid whose world is a ten-foot space, and they’re the center of the fucking universe.”

Whoa. She sure hadn’t expected him to start ragging on himself. “We’re young. Aren’t we supposed to be a little selfish?”

Joel shook his head. “No excuses. I bet you haven’t had a real chance to be young for a lot longer than is right.”

She lowered her gaze, unable to meet his anymore. She shrugged. “It’s just the way it is.”

Joel lifted her chin, his fingers gentle on her skin. “Over the past couple months, I’ve learned things about you, and your life, and while I’m growing up, I’ve still been sliding. So I want you to know. The rest of the time we’re together, I’m going to do it right.”

She wasn’t sure what he thought he’d been doing wrong. “I’m lost…”

“We got a three-part deal, right? You getting happy around horses, changing our reputations, and learning about sex.”

“We’re doing all those things.” Vicki edged closer, poking him on the chest. “It’s not your fault I jammed out of the horse thing. We’ll move ahead, there’s still time. And the sex, holy hell, you’ve been awesome in teaching me about that. And you said it yourself, people are seeing us as a couple, that’s good, right?”

Joel nodded. “It is, but it’s not enough. You wanted to know what it’s like to have a boyfriend, and I wanted a girlfriend, and hell if I didn’t fuck that part up.”

Nope. “This is going in one ear and out the other. What have you mucked up so bad, because I can’t see it.”

Joel made a face. “That’s because you don’t know any better, but I do. So here’s my commitment. I’m going to take care of you like I should be, and hopefully that means you’ll notice a difference, deal?”

Vicki hesitated. The only thing she saw coming from him giving her more was more trouble. She’d get even further attached to the Coleman clan, and yet not truly belong.

“It’s not real, though, Joel. We’re just doing this until the spring.”

“There’s a good example of what I mean. Who says this isn’t real? We’re friends, and friends help each other.” He paused, regrouped. “We are friends, right?”

Oh hell. Vicki stopped completely and thought it through. There was only one possible answer. “Of course we are.”

Joel eased back and nodded. “Good. Then there’s something I need to know, as one friend to another. What happened with Eric Tell?”

Vicki wondered if running to the bathroom and hiding was an option.

Joel raised a brow. “I can tell you the version I got if that helps, and you fill in the blanks. Rumour says you two slept together during his senior year, which I know is total bullshit. You hate his guts, that much is obvious, but the rest I don’t get.”

He had her hand again, stroking it as if attempting to settle her. The entire evening blurred together until she realized she had two options.

She either went forward from this moment and trusted Joel completely, or she didn’t. Not sharing with him meant all her secrets stayed hidden, but it also meant all the barriers she’d put up stayed up. For once in her life she longed to be completely honest with someone. To be able to trust them and let them in.

Joel had been nothing but wonderful, and she ached so hard to let go of her walls, it was impossible to resist.

Maybe she’d regret this. Maybe she was asking for more pain like she’d felt the previous week, but she had to know if it was possible to have a real friend.

Vicki took a deep breath, hoping this wasn’t going to change her world in ways she’d come to regret.

“Before I tell you about Eric, you tell me something. Tell me about my family, and don’t try to be polite and save my tender feelings. Because the two things are connected.”

He looked rather uncomfortable for a moment. “Again, I know less details and more rumours. Your mom…” she glared until he finished his sentence, “…she’s got a new friend every now and again. Older men who take care of her for a while before she switches.”

“She’s been doing it her entire life as far as I know, which is why me, Lynn and Sarah have three different fathers.”

Joel shook his head. “Damn.”

“Go on.”

He nodded. “Sarah…takes after your ma.”

Vicki let out a guffaw. “Now, that’s a nice way to put it.”

“Lynn. I never heard much about Lynn. She moved to Edmonton right after high school, right?”

She nodded. “And me?”

Joel sighed. “You dropped out of school the same summer Lynn left, moved out on your own.”

“And slept with half the town.”

Denial came instantly. “Actually, once you left school, you fell off the radar. I mean, the Hansol name got used a lot, but not yours specifically.”

What she figured. “It’s so awesome that this town has been giving me hell for years completely based on two members of the family.”

“Eric—what happened?” he prodded again.

God, it hurt to share even now. “Eric did sleep with a Hansol girl, only it was Lynn.”

Joel paused, stiff with shock.

“I overheard the senior guys talking about having one of those stupid bets. How many girls they could sleep with before graduation. You know, the contests that aren’t supposed to happen, but do.”

Anger was rising on Joel’s face. “Go on.”

“I was in the Home-Ec room and heard them in the hall boasting about conquests, reducing sex to sheer numbers. I was disgusted at the time, but when I got home I discovered it was worse than I’d imagined because Lynn was all excited to tell me about her new boyfriend. Seems Eric Tell realized my sweet sister was about as good a target as he could find.”

Oh Lord, here was the moment. She lifted her eyes to Joel’s. “Lynn’s got Asperger’s. She’s not bad, but it means there are certain things she just doesn’t get. She’s borderline on the spectrum, so my mom was never forced to get her real help during school. It was too much bother to fill in paperwork and such. Any teachers who made a comment were poo-pooed, and since Lynn got passing marks, they had no choice but to move her forward year after year. It’s the social side she doesn’t get.”

“Like knowing how to act with others?”

“Exactly.” Vicki wrapped her arms around her legs. “A routine helps, which is why I used to haul her into Home-Ec every lunch break for some quiet time. Having a boyfriend was just a cool thing. Everyone else in high school talked about wanting a boyfriend. When Eric told her that’s what he was, she was thrilled. When I found out what he’d done, I went a little crazy. Raced down to the football field and stormed into the changing room.”

“Oh hell, that would have been incredible to see.”

“Yeah, well once the shouting and running for towels was over, I marched up and got in his face. Told him he was an asshole, and that I didn’t appreciate being used for some kind of bet. That if he’d wanted to sleep with me once and be done, he should have been man enough to just tell me.”

A frown creased Joel’s forehead. “Wait, you said he slept with you?”

She nodded. “Lynn didn’t need the reputation of being another of the loose Hansol girls, and she didn’t need any other assholes in the school realizing how her mind works. She’s fanatical about her friends, Joel. Will do anything for them, anything they ask at all, even if it’s not in her best interest. She didn’t understand, and like all the years before, I did what I had to do to protect her.”

“And he just agreed with you? Didn’t mention Lynn at all?”

“The rest of the guys starting hooting and cheering him, you know like he was some great hero or something. Yeah, he wasn’t going to argue at that moment. Just took their adoration and trampled me underfoot.”

“So you lost your reputation to save hers.”

“Yeah.” Fear hovered, and she fought it down. She had to trust him. “This is why you can’t tell anyone the truth. I know Lynn is safely away, but I don’t ever want this discussed in front of her. I don’t want him connected with her in any way.”