Vivian Arend - Rocky Mountain Haven

Her head snapped up, a flicker of something in her eyes that could have been hope, but it vanished too quickly for him to be sure.

“Still, it was a conscious choice. I’d do it again in an instant.” She was breathing so fast he thought she might faint. “I can’t believe I’m telling you this, but I need to explain—”

He hurried to reassure her. “You don’t have to explain anything more to me. Not right now. I want to know, but only when you’re ready to talk about it. Not because you think I’m expecting you to.” He held her hands clasped in his, aching to help her, wanting to comfort her. Her fingers were icy cold, and he warmed them gently in his palms. “I still think you can forgive yourself for his death. I’m sure there was an investigation, and if you had done anything wrong, they would have discovered it then. It was an accident—that’s all it was.”

“I was happy he was dead, though. He was a bastard. Stole away years of my life. Made the boys quake in fear. Made me have sex when he knew it was dangerous. Demanded I keep going until…”

She stopped. Completely. His heart was breaking for her, for every bit of pain she’d suffered.

“Until what? Oh God, Beth.”

She whipped her head around, hair flying. Her eyes were dark, not with the heat of passion he was used to seeing but with pure unadulterated rage.

“My baby girl died because of him.”

Daniel swore under his breath.

“He knew it was dangerous for me to get pregnant again, but by then that was my only purpose in life, as far as he was concerned. Barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen.” She dashed angry tears from her eyes. “I had completed all my training, finished my student teaching, and all the while he was trying to get me pregnant. I expected to stop work when I had babies, I did, but I never thought I’d have three children in less than three years. Then when I did get pregnant again so soon, the doctor said I needed bed rest. Samuel knew, but he didn’t care, just cared about me having food on the table and warming his bed. And I lost her. My little girl.”

The tears poured out, and Daniel gathered her in his arms, pressed her forehead to his chest and simply held her.

She dragged in air between the words. “I told you I couldn’t have any more children. When they went to do the D and C, too much of my womb was damaged and they took it out.” Another sob shook her. “I know it seems so silly to be upset about it in light of the fact he used to hit me, but…”

He stopped dead in his tracks. He tried to put as much tenderness as possible into the kiss he pressed to her temple.

“It’s the farthest thing from silly. I bet you’ve got people who tell you that you should count your blessings, right? That you’ve got three fine boys, and what more could you want.” He laughed, knowing that it sounded hollow. He buried his fingers in her hair and pulled her gaze up to meet his own. “It doesn’t take away the hurt. You love them nonetheless, but the ones that you can’t have, because the decision wasn’t yours—

“It hurts like blue blazes and there’s nothing anyone can say that’s ever going to make it feel better. A piece of your future is dead, and yet people walk on all around you and expect you to keep going when there’s nothing but a fucking hole in front of you—as if you’re the only one who sees it.”

The dark centers of her eyes glistened with her unshed tears. “Oh, Daniel.”

He held her. Gently. His lips touching her forehead, and her cheek, and her lashes. Trying to pass over an inkling of compassion that she could appreciate and comprehend in the midst of her hurts.

Beth tangled her fingers in his hair and kissed him. She held their mouths together until the kiss faded away, and they hung, lip to lip, air mingling as they attempted to balance their breathing.

He pulled her into his lap, lifting her to straddle his legs. His hand caressed her back, massaging the muscles as he clutched her close, their torsos tight as they continued to touch and comfort each other.

Beth curved a hand down the side of his face and tentatively brushed a tear that clung to the edge of his eye. “I’m so sorry.”

“I’m sorry too. I know part of your pain.” He took a deep breath and stared into her eyes. “As far as your husband is concerned? There’s a special place in hell reserved for men like him. If he hadn’t died, things might have gotten worse and you could be the one dead now. Or one of your sons…”

His throat closed off at the thought of any of the towheaded boys tangled in their beds down the hall being hurt.

Beth held his face, and he could have drowned in her tear-filled eyes. Barely above a whisper, she spoke as she caressed his bristle-roughed cheek. “I know we have so much more to discuss, but I need you. Need you to chase away the pain, just for a little while.”

They moved together, willing accomplices. Lips and tongues tangling, taking turns to slip off their remaining clothing as they shrugged shoulders and wiggled limbs. When she stripped bare from the waist up, Daniel took possession of one firm nipple, cupping her breast and lifting it to his lips to suck.

“So good.” Beth let her head drop back.

“I want you tonight. All of you.”

He made love to her that night. Lifted her and placed her with such care on the bed. Tugged off her panties slowly, careful of her aching limbs. Somehow between kissing every inch of her body and arranging her naked form on the bed, he shucked his jeans. Beth looked up from where she lay, the moonlight pouring in the window to illuminate every muscular inch of his body. His cock rose from the tight curls at his groin, and he slipped over her, the heat of his torso rolling ahead like a steamroller and pinning her in place.

“Tonight, you’re mine. No games, no playing. Just open yourself up and give yourself to me, Beth. Let go and let me catch you.”

Her throat was tight as he suspended himself over her, thigh to thigh, nose to nose. His eyes, oh damn—his eyes were beautiful. Full of tenderness and need, and she wrapped her arms around his torso and pulled him down, sighing as his bare skin touched hers, as if for the first time.

They touched and moved together, in perfect harmony. He kissed her mouth, her breasts, the indent of her belly. He licked her clit, and she opened wide, letting him touch her everywhere, as hard as he liked, as soft as he wanted. Her first orgasm surprised them both as she rocked with the initial touch of his hand to her pussy. He moved over her while her sheath still convulsed and with one firm motion joined them. He locked their hips together, pulling her head to his, lips and tongues tasting and embroiled with white-hot need. Then he started, slow, minute pulses of his hips that dragged his cock back an inch before reburying him deep. Deeper yet as she pulled up her knees and spread herself wide.

“God, Beth, yes.” His strokes hesitated for a moment, uneven and broken in rhythm.

“Do it. Come on…oh there, so good. You feel so good inside me. All I need, I…”

She wanted to confess with words what their bodies were saying but she refrained, instead staring into his eyes and saying it the best she could. It was love. It was physical connection that went soul deep and tears welled up as he stared. Another thrust, another. The rubbing intensified, every nerve on fire. He grasped her nipple and sucked hard, and the spear of pain shot into pleasure that radiated over her skin, throbbing in her sheath. She grabbed his head and drew their mouths together again, needing the connection, needing to taste him. She bit his lower lip and licked the pain away as he erased the pain lingering in her heart. No, not erased, but eased. They were together, they belonged together.

The bed creaked in an easy rhythm and he groaned over her. “So close. You need to come. I want to feel you around me. Squeezing me. Surrounding me.” He adjusted the angle of her body, lifting her hips higher, tilting his pelvis up to thrust harder, more forcibly. The cool air moved over her clit when his body pulled away. Then he touched her, his fingers rubbing firmly and the pulse of sensation broke free.

“Yes…” She clutched his neck tight and gave herself up to pleasure. Let it roll like the fall wind over the prairies. A second later he joined her, his harsh breathing giving way to a contented sigh as he jerked inside her, the heat of his release bathing her.

“Yes, oh damn.” He dropped his head on her shoulder, covering her with his body, and she didn’t even try to stop the tears.

“That was perfect,” she whispered.

He rolled them carefully, drawing her on top so they stayed intimately connected. His tender caress and consideration made her heart ache.

He rubbed her back, dragged his hands through her hair again and again, until their breathing calmed and only the rapid beat of his heart gave away the fact they’d been running a marathon in bed. He chuckled softly, as if he was aware of keeping the noise down.

“Perfect, eh?”

“Hmm, I think.” The languid sensation stealing through her limbs made it tough to fight the sleep now creeping up.

“Even though it was missionary vanilla sex?”

Something twigged in her brain, and suddenly it was funny as anything. She was an emotional yo-yo. A giggle escaped, then the giggle escalated to a snicker. She took a deep breath, still shaky from the bombshells of the evening. Daniel rolled them to their sides, keeping their bodies close and their spirits together as they snuggled under the covers.

“Mom. Moooooom.”

The rattling at the doorknob jolted her awake, and she slipped out a hand in search of Daniel. She could have sworn only seconds before he’d been wrapped around her, kissing her neck and whispering loving things in her ear.